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Understanding Filipino Kinship and Family Values

by Amiel Pineda
January 10, 2024 January 10, 2024

Have you ever wondered what lies at the heart of Filipino culture?

The intricate web of kinship and family values in the Philippines serves as the cornerstone of societal structure and individual identity.

From the intricate web of kinship ties to the deeply ingrained respect for familial elders, Filipino family dynamics are both fascinating and complex.

As you explore the nuances of Filipino kinship and family values, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of the cultural tapestry that shapes the lives of many Filipinos, both within and beyond the borders of the archipelago.

Importance of Extended Family

Embracing the significance of extended family bonds, Filipino culture emphasizes the pivotal role that extended family members play in providing emotional support and guidance.

In Filipino culture, the concept of family extends beyond just genetic connections; it encompasses a network of relatives and non-relatives who are deeply intertwined in each other’s lives.

Close family ties are evident in the way three generations often live together in Filipino households, with grandparents playing a significant role in raising their grandchildren. This emphasizes the sense of duty and responsibility towards family members, especially elders, as per the deeply rooted concept of filial piety.

The support for their family members is a fundamental aspect of Filipino culture, and large celebrations serve as a reminder of the importance of extended family bonds and unity in the Filipino community.

Gender Roles in Filipino Families

Gender roles in Filipino families are often influenced by a patriarchal societal tag, but the country is closer to exhibiting a matriarchal society, where female influence is significant and many women hold senior roles in business and government. The head of the household is usually the oldest female, and decision-making within the home is often done by mothers and daughters. While younger family members’ opinions are considered secondary, women’s closest friendships often come from within the family, and one child often remains in the family home to care for parents and grandparents. Filipino society expects children to take care of their parents as a form of utang na loob (debt of gratitude), often placing pressure on children, especially the eldest, to prioritize family obligations over personal dreams. Gender roles in Filipino families are intertwined with the concept of filial piety, emphasizing the importance of maintaining the collective face of the family and observing duties and responsibilities to respect others.

Traditional Filipino Family Values

Filipino families, deeply rooted in traditional values and strong kinship bonds, form the cornerstone of social life and cultural identity in the Philippines. These traditional family values are deeply ingrained in Filipino society, shaping the way families interact and function.

Here are some key aspects of traditional Filipino family values:

Collective Responsibility : Members uphold duties and responsibilities to maintain the collective face of the family.
Multigenerational Living : Three generations often reside together, with older family members playing vital roles in the upbringing of children.
Matriarchal Influence : While often perceived as patriarchal, significant female influence is notable, with women holding senior positions in various aspects of society.
Emphasis on Marriage and Courtship : Marriage is highly regarded, with courtship preceding it, and family approval being of great significance in choosing a life partner.

Dynamics of Filipino Dating and Marriage

In the realm of Filipino dating and marriage, the intertwining of traditional courtship rituals and family involvement creates a unique and culturally significant dynamic. The importance of family relationships and the care of their children place high regard in Filipino society.

When it comes to dating, individuals seek the approval and guidance of their families, ensuring that the union aligns with the collective well-being of the family. Marriage is a significant milestone, and the involvement of both families is expected. The concept of ‘Pakikisama’ or getting along harmoniously is valued, and individuals often prioritize maintaining harmony within their families.

Furthermore, the idea of debt to one’s parents is prevalent, where members of the family are expected to take care of their parents in their old age as a sign of gratitude for raising them.

Influence of Filial Piety

Amidst the fabric of Filipino society, the influence of filial piety permeates familial relationships and shapes cultural norms, emphasizing the reverence and care for elders while maintaining the collective face of the family.

Respect and Obedience: Younger family members are expected to defer to the opinions of their elders and observe duties and responsibilities, showing respect to others.
Collective Well-being: Decision-making within the family prioritizes the collective well-being over individual autonomy, reflecting the influence of filial piety.
Elders’ Role: In Filipino households, elders play a significant role in the upbringing of children, and the first-born often carries the responsibility of setting an example for their younger siblings.
Challenges and Sacrifices: The influence of filial piety can lead to feelings of pressure, sacrifice, and difficulty in addressing conflicts directly, while also fostering a strong sense of debt and obligation to the family.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the concept of kinship in the philippines.

In the Philippines, kinship is deeply rooted in family connections, fostering strong bonds beyond genetics. It emphasizes the nuclear family unit, filial piety, and close-knit relationships with extended family, shaping a culture of collective support and belonging.

What Do Filipinos Value About Family?

You value family as the cornerstone of your life. You prioritize providing and nurturing close relationships beyond blood ties. Respect, hospitality, and strong belief in God are integral to your culture, instilled and practiced within families.

What Is the Nature of Family and Kinship Structure of Philippine Society?

In Philippine society, family is central, spanning three generations and emphasizing close-knit ties. Grandparents play a significant role in raising grandchildren, and family unity is valued above all else, shaping societal norms.

What Are the Kinship Ties in the Philippines?

In the Philippines, kinship ties are deeply ingrained, extending beyond blood relations. Family bonds are tight-knit, with multiple generations often living together. Respect and filial piety are highly valued, shaping the interconnectedness of Filipino families.

As you delve into the intricacies of Filipino kinship and family values, you gain a deeper appreciation for the strong bonds and traditions that shape Filipino culture.

The importance of extended family, traditional values, and gender roles all contribute to the unique dynamics of Filipino families.

Understanding the influence of filial piety and the significance of respect for elders sheds light on the depth of Filipino familial relationships.

Embracing these values is essential to truly understanding the heart of Filipino culture.

Philippine E-Journals

Home ⇛ philosophia: international journal of philosophy ⇛ vol. 21 no. special edition (2020), the filipino family in the formation of values in the light of john paul ii’s familiaris consortio.

Ivan Efreaim A. Gozum

Through time, Filipinos highly value their own respective families. A sense of pride is instilled in them each time they talk about their own families. Filipino family values of close family ties, solidarity, religiosity, respect, and affection for the aged have always been the reasons why the Filipino family is considered exemplary. However, today, modernization has impacted the way people perceive their own families. The different effects which modernization has engendered shaped the minds of different individuals. Due to these effects, society has been affected, involving the family, which is the basic unit of society. Some of the effects of modernization on the family are the increasing number of cases of broken families, cases of divorce, annulment, and the improper formation of children. This paper aims to look at this situation of the Filipino family in the light of John Paul IIâ€™s Familiaris Consortio. Moreover, the paper aims to provide a perspective on how one must look into the family in order to preserve its sanctity. It promotes the importance of the family in the formation of an individual to become morally upright citizens. The issues that modernization engendered will be dealt with using the concepts found in the Familiaris Consortio.

ISSN ISSN 2244-1875 (Online)

ISSN 2244-1883 (Print)

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Filipino Culture

Philippines

Family is considered to be the foundation of social life for most Filipinos. The nuclear family is the core family unit, however bonds are often tight knit among extended family members. Indeed, people may be encouraged to have a relationship with their aunts and uncles that is just as strong as the relationship with their parents. Close familial relationships often go beyond one’s genetic connections or bloodlines to incorporate distant relatives, close neighbours or friends. For example, it is common to hear people refer to distant relatives or non-relatives with familial terms such as ‘tita’ (aunt), ‘tito’ (uncle), ‘lola’ (grandmother) and ‘lolo’ (grandfather). One instance is when a grandchild refers to their grandparent’s friend or cousin as lola or lolo.

Filial Piety

Filial piety is an important concept in Filipino culture. It is understood as essential in order to maintain the collective face of the family and to avoid experiencing hiya (see Social Interactions and Hiya in Core Concepts ). Many Filipinos hold the belief that each family member has several duties and responsibilities they must uphold. Observing one’s duties and responsibilities is important in order to correctly respect others and to ensure harmony among family members. For example, family members are required to show respect to their elders at all times. The opinions of younger family members’ and children’s opinions are considered to be secondary to their superior. Moreover, those requiring age care are nearly always taken care of by their children or grandchildren.

Household Structure and Transnational Families

In a Filipino household, it is common to find three generations living together. Often, grandparents play a large role in raising their grandchildren. Extended family will often live relatively close to one another and will come together during large celebrations. It is common to find families in the Philippines that have some members who return to their family home during weekends after spending a week in major cities for work or study.

Since the 1970s, the Philippines has been exporting labour abroad, with some members engaging in paid labour abroad while many remain in their home town or village. This means that many Filipino families are spread across the world. Filipino society has widely adapted to the change in family structure. Some parents will leave their child in the Philippines in order to seek labour abroad to better support their family left behind. In turn, they will send back remittances to their parents or siblings who have been given the duty of caring for the child. It is also common to find aunts, uncles and godparents taking care of their nieces, nephews or godchildren, by sending remittances back to the Philippines in order to pay for their education.

Those living abroad with left behind families will attempt to see their family once a year by returning home to the Philippines during their break from work in another country. This can be particularly difficult for those with children or elderly parents in the Philippines. In order to support their families in the Philippines, Filipinos abroad will send a ‘balikbayan box’ , containing various items such as clothing, household objects and gifts for their family. In the Australian context, it can be quite emotionally distressing for some Filipinos in intercultural marriages to be denied the opportunity to send remittances home or unable to visit their family, as they feel they are failing to uphold their duty towards their family.

Gender Roles

At times, Filipino society is tagged as patriarchal. This is in part due to machismo attitudes and the masculine standards of many Filipino men. However, the Philippines is closer to exhibiting a matriarchal society. The female influence is significant throughout the country, with many women holding senior roles throughout business and the government. In the household structure, it is often a matriarch in charge. Generally, the head of the household is usually the oldest female, often the grandmother (lola) . Income from family members are often pooled together, then the matriarch will look after the family finances.

Dating and Marriage

In the Philippines, dating often comes in stages, beginning with courtship. Typically, a man will try to impress a female by courting her. If the woman considers the man to be a good suitor, they will continue dating. Individuals have a significant level of freedom in terms of choosing marriage partners, although the choice of a spouse may be influenced by the preferences of the family. In some families, it is expected for the prospective partner to gain approval of their potential in-laws. However, in urban areas, dating and marriage practices tend to be less conservative and are becoming more influenced by the West.

Expectations and practices of marriage are heavily shaped by the Catholic Church. Marriage is understood as a milestone and it is expected that individuals will one day marry a suitable partner. Having children out of wedlock is generally frowned upon in Filipino society. Thus, many couples will marry prior to giving birth to their child to avoid social repercussions. Monogamy is the norm and divorce is both socially stigmatised and illegal. However, views on marriage are changing. For example, there is now more acceptance of a person’s choice to remain single if they wish to be so.

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Strong Bonds: The Chemistry of Filipino Families

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In making the dessert, we were wrapping the cassava mixture with a banana leaf while seated at the living room overlooking the front yard. The children were gathering fruits from a mango tree and the men were gathering firewood as well as preparing the pot that would be our makeshift steamer. When the men were all done, they gathered around and helped us wrap the dessert while exchanging folk stories and advice for the young. We would laugh as we recount our earlier experiences. We were all just happy that our efforts would soon be a sweet edible thing that could ease our hunger. After we finished wrapping everything, we tied them together with strands of coconut leaves and put it in our makeshift steamer. While waiting, the little children showcased their talents in dancing and as they sang, we joined in chorus too. We were having a great time and shortly after, our dessert was cooked! Everyone was eager to taste our ground cassava with coconut milk dessert. We divided the dessert per bundle and sent them to our old neighbors as we invited those who can come to share the food that we prepared. We savored the moment.

When we talk about family, it is always the basic unit of society where parents teach their children significant life lessons and values that mold them to become better persons as they grow to understand their worth. In the Philippines, it is quite unique because aside from our parents, we have our Lolo, Lola, Tito, Tita, Ninang, Ninong, Ate (Elder Sister), Kuya ( Elder brother) and Cousins to the nth degree that we share our lives with. However, these above-mentioned relatives are not limited to the biological ones. Our parents’ friends become our Titas and Titos and their sons and daughters our Ates and Kuyas. The in-laws become our mamas and papas, brothers and sisters, and nieces and nephews too.

One of the best things that make me proud to be a Filipino is because of the close family ties that we keep which has always helped me grow to become a better person. In happy times and in tough times, it feels good to have so many people behind my back to share my joys with or to comfort me when I am sad, ease away my troubles and support me in my decisions.

After high school, I took a gap year. Throughout, I have lived with families in the slums, in the mountains, at a rural poor community, and my very own family in the city. I realized that no matter where we come from, one thing in common among us is that we have this value of love that keeps us stronger together. We cannot afford to cast away anyone but we are always willing to accept a new member in our family even if we are really not biologically related. It all lies within us as we recognize the intrinsic and inviolable human dignity.

It is a challenge for all of us to continue to create a strong family environment and to strengthen our family relationships. It is our responsibility to spread awareness as we help our family members become responsible, strong and committed advocates of love as we value life by recognizing each person’s dignity from the moment of conception to natural death. Our lives become enriched as we experience true love freely given and received within the family.

By Rejean Marie Darroca, a former intern at WYA Pacific office.

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9 Books About the Complexities of Filipino Family Bonds

Reading Lists

Monica macansantos, author of "love and other rituals," recommends stories about the ties of kinship.

It is only in the Philippines that I feel my individual identity disappear in the eyes of others: in a society that sees people in terms of their kinship ties, rather than their individual achievements, I am a daughter first, an adult woman second. Living abroad in my twenties gave me some clarity about the person I wanted to become, since I wasn’t just a daughter or potential mother: I was a writer, a student, a woman eager to enjoy the sensual delights of the world. And yet, even as I sought to build my own identity while living far away from home, the stories I wrote inevitably confronted the alienation and loneliness I felt abroad, while bringing to light the joys I felt as a daughter, cousin, and aunt in my homeland. These are stories that have come to form my debut collection about Filipinos at home and in the diaspora entitled, Love and Other Rituals .

Kinship ties form the backbone of Philippine society, and the way we relate to others and to ourselves is inextricably linked to the tightness of our family bonds. For many, these bonds can also be a source of pain, since they don’t necessarily foster understanding, tolerance, or even care. The complicated nature of Filipino family bonds has been a topic of interest, even of obsession, for many Filipino writers both at home and in the diaspora. Why do we seek reassurance from our elders, even if they repeatedly disappoint us with their inconstancy and lack of affection? Why do we expect so much from our siblings, children, or parents, despite our own awareness of their shortcomings? How do we find ourselves capable of loving our blood kin despite their thoughtlessness or even abuse? In my book, and many excellent works of fiction and memoir written by Filipinos, we explore how the solace offered by these tight and complex bonds can also be intertwined with some complicated feelings.

The Body Papers by Grace Talusan

Talusan takes an honest look at the fragility of her family during the years they spent as undocumented immigrants in the ‘70s and ‘80s. A culture of saving face, exacerbated by the secrecy with which they lived because of their immigration status, forced a young Grace to suffer in silence for years while being abused by a family member. This memoir is ultimately a love story, in which a parent decides to defy his feelings of indebtedness to a relative in order to protect his child. Though Talusan is critical of the culture of indebtedness or “utang na loob” that undergirds family bonds in Filipino culture, her memoir proposes a realignment, rather than dismantlement, of these values. These bonds, she rightly believes, can be built on love and care rather than obligation.

Gun Dealers’ Daughter by Gina Apostol

Philippine politics is run by families, as the recent return of the Marcos family to power sadly proves, and Gun Dealers’ Daughter is the perfect novel to understand the dynastic politics that have held the Philippines in a stranglehold for decades. Soledad, our narrator and anti-hero, belongs to an upper-class family that directly benefits from the Marcos dictatorship’s bloody crackdown on the communist insurgency, amassing a fortune by supplying arms to Marcos’s military. Burdened by the guilt of her parents’ sins, Soledad decides to participate in a violent plot that she believes would give her the opportunity to turn against her family and class. The novel’s shocking ending shows just how powerful family ties are in the Philippines, and how elite children like Soledad remain trapped in their snare.

Abundance by Jakob Guanzon

Praised for its searing depictions of economic injustice in American society, Abundance is at its heart a story about how fathers and sons confront their differences to give voice to what is often an unspoken and complicated love. Told from the point of view of Henry, an immigrant son who has lived a troubled life, this heartbreaking novel follows the struggles his father faced in understanding Henry’s maladjustment, while also wrestling with his own disappointments as an academic forced out of his teaching position after a racist altercation with a student. Henry’s and Papa’s differences are generational as well as cultural, and it is when Henry has a son of his own that he begins to truly understand the challenges his own father experienced in giving full expression to his love.

Brown Girls by Daphne Palasi Andreades

Narrated by the choral “we”, Andreades writes about a group of female friends from a diverse neighborhood in Queens who find solace in each other’s company when their immigrant families cannot fully understand or embrace their hopes and aspirations. Andreades’s observations of immigrant families are tender but honest—showing how the bonds of filial obligation that these young women chafe against become a source of comfort in their later years, when they finally understand the fierce possessiveness that their immigrant parents, especially their mothers, had for them. Beautifully told, Brown Girls shows us how the families we are born into, and the families we create for ourselves, can sustain us in spite of their many flaws.

Disturbance by Ivy Alvarez

Ivy Alvarez takes a unique and inventive approach to domestic violence in this novel-in-verse about a family gunned down by their own patriarch. By employing verse to reveal the thoughts of neighbors, policemen, and finally, the wife and son of a man who resorts to murder when he cannot get his way with them, Alvarez cuts through the everyday deceptions people often tell themselves to ignore the very real presence of violence in their lives. “My hair has a showroom shine,” the wife says, in the poem, “Family portrait.” “My husband prefers it long. Benign as a leash. I smile and smile.” The lies told by the chorus of voices in this book quickly fall apart under Alvarez’s careful poetic gaze.

A Tiny Upward Shove by Melissa Chadburn

A Tiny Upward Shove is a powerful novel about a half-Filipino, half-Black young woman who falls through the cracks of the foster care system and into the clutches of a serial killer. The novel starts in Marina’s early years living with Mutya, her affectionate but oftentimes neglectful mother, and Lola, her doting grandmother whose traditional views on womanhood Mutya rebels against. Mutya’s desire to free herself from the conservative Catholic environment of her mother’s household sends her drifting through Los Angeles with Marina, where they find themselves in increasingly dangerous situations. Apart from its honest depictions of life on the margins, A Tiny Upward Shove shines a light on the challenges Filipino immigrant families face in staying intact across generational and cultural divides.

In the Country by Mia Alvar

Taken as a whole, Mia Alvar’s story collection In the Country presents a colorful, prismatic lens through which the strengths and complexities of Filipino family bonds are tested by exile, physical distance, and political upheaval. Alvar was born in Manila and raised in Bahrain and New York City, giving her insight into the lives of ordinary Filipinos who either remain in the motherland or leave to pursue a better life overseas (or else, to give their families back home a better life through foreign remittances).

My personal favorites are “A Contract Overseas”, about a young writer whose brother, an overseas worker, supplies her with stories about his life in the Middle East that are more compelling than any of the stories she weaves on her own, and the titular novella, “In the Country”, about an activist couple questioning their marriage after paying the ultimate price for opposing the Marcos dictatorship.

Monstress by Lysley Tenorio

Tenorio has a soft spot for outcasts and misfits who are shunned by their families and closest of kin, and the stories in his debut collection Monstress allow us to fully fathom the impulse to love that continues to endure after these relationships are irreparably fractured. In “The Brothers”, a man reckons with his trans sibling’s sudden passing, and in doing so gains insight into her desire for acceptance in their family despite being disowned. In “The View from Culion”, a young girl in a leper colony befriends a newly arrived American GI who refuses to accept the truth of his condition, and whose friendship reawakens her own affections for her mother, a woman who brought her to this colony and never returned for her. Other stories in the collection examine the loyalties that enable families to tolerate the oddballs in their family, as with the young narrator in “Help” who will do anything to please his Imelda Marcos-adoring Uncle Willie, even if it means getting into a physical altercation with the Beatles. While examining the complexities and frailties of family relationships, Tenorio remains sensitive to the love that remains when these ties are severed, showing us how dormant feelings for a long-estranged relative or friend can be reawakened by the kindness of a stranger.

Departures: Essays by Priscilla Supnet Macansantos

My mother released her debut collection of essays in her mid 60s, after spending a lifetime witnessing the strange twists and turns in the lives of her relatives who traversed vast distances in pursuit of a better future. In this collection, we meet her father, a cheerful man who spoke in glowing terms about America, while remaining reticent about his deportation for carrying forged immigration papers; her mother, a quiet, determined woman who moved her entire family from their barrio in the impoverished Ilocos region to the bustling American Hill Station of Baguio; and my own father, who as a young man would take the long and difficult trip to Baguio to visit my mother, quietly proving his dedication to the things he cared about the most. Common themes in the collection are the bonds that remain tight, or are tightened even further, as distances are crossed and new lives are built, and the losses sustained while building these new lives, leaving deep wounds that are often difficult to acknowledge. What Macansantos possesses in her writing is the wisdom of years, and the knowledge of how intertwined our own stories are with the people we call our kin.

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Discovering My Identity: Embracing Filipino Values and Traits

Category: Life , Government , World
Topic: About Myself , Philippine Government , Philippines

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