essay on online relationship

Relationships and Online Dating Essay

Negative factors, truth and trustworthiness, expectations and reality, denial and avoidance, perceptions and waiting, the need for improvement.

The rising popularity of online communication changes the way people socialize. Friends and relatives can stay in touch and feel as though they are close to each other, even if they are at opposite corners of the world. Moreover, now people can find friendship and love online. The increasing interest in online dating also raises the question of whether this particular phenomenon is helping or damaging the current quality of relationships in society.

Many scholars attempt to answer this question by exploring different aspects of online dating. Many of these research articles come to a similar conclusion – online dating has a number of issues that stem from human nature as well as some technological factors. The central problems highlighted in the works of these scholars deal with individuals’ expectations and hopes. While dating online has benefits for finding people with similar interests, it also distances people and makes them suspicious of each other’s true identity.

Human relationships, romantic or otherwise, may be hard to establish and maintain for many reasons. The creation of online dating sites and applications was most likely intended to eliminate these issues and make the process of finding new partners easy and stress-free. Nevertheless, people encounter many problems as they create profiles, search for other individuals, and engage in a conversation. The following arguments show that online dating can complicate an already intricate process of finding affection.

It has been shown that people’s choice to date each other is strongly connected to the aspect of trust. According to McGloin and Denes (2016), attractiveness plays a significant role in both men’s and women’s desire to continue their relations. However, their reactions to this factor are somewhat opposite. Men, as the study finds, are more likely to trust female profiles with less attractive photos. These pictures are usually untouched or not enhanced with professional lighting and photo editing. Men consider images, which appear to be of much higher quality or have various visual effects as suspicious and fictitious. On the other hand, women find retouched photos more attractive and more trustworthy at the same time.

These findings show that online dating makes both men and women perceive their potential partners through a lens of distrust. Constant uncertainty of whether they are talking to the person they see on the screen may disrupt the usual process of bonding, which is typical for real-life meetings. People who cannot trust each other because of their visual appearance may start doubting different sides of their relationship. Interestingly, men, while being more suspicious of an attractive profile picture, are still more interested in dating women with edited photos (McGloin & Denes, 2016). This way of thinking can lead to such issues as the creation of unrealistic expectations and false ideals.

The problem of manufacturing an unrealistic image also results in many negative experiences for older individuals. While younger generations are used to the technological world and usually have a better understanding of the online culture, adults and the elderly encounter many difficulties trying to make themselves more attractive. An article by McWilliams and Barrett (2014) states that older adults feel pressured to appear more youthful online than they are in reality because of the competition from younger individuals. Women suffer from the concepts of beauty being centered on youthfulness and physical attraction and rivalry from younger women, while men have a limited social network.

Therefore, many older individuals try to become someone who they are not. This manipulation of pictures, descriptions, and even behavior leads to the creation of a false identity, which adults often try to retain while interacting with others online. For example, men focus on their abilities, often exaggerating their achievements and assets (McWilliams & Barrett, 2014). Women, as a contrast, try to appear more youthful physically and by editing their pictures to adhere to the current standards of beauty. These characteristics are the primary interests of these two groups because men are more concerned about their partner’s attractiveness, while women look for someone engaging and financially stable.

When two individuals overcome the issues connected with finding each other, their interaction uncovers another range of problems. Flirting is the primary activity and intention of online dating applications, and it is also affected by all previously mentioned elements. Imagery plays a significant role in finding partners, and flirting online is often connected to one’s appearance. However, as people start to learn more about each other, the desire to exaggerate one’s physical attributes can evolve into the need to present oneself as a completely different person.

Mortensen (2017) argues that online flirting allows people to show themselves in a different light and express personality traits that they usually do not have in real life. The fear of being rejected by another person pressures some individuals to behave differently from their personalities.

Such artificially created personas cannot continue their relationship in real life and are bound by their fear of personal intimacy. This issue strengthens the divide between the online and the real world. While the purpose of online dating is to bring people together and have a positive and accepting atmosphere, it may result in people trying to avoid or ignore negative experiences (Mortensen, 2017). Imaginary visuals and personalities do not have a positive impact on people’s perceptions of reliable partners and stable relations.

If people finally decide to meet in real life, their thoughts about each other may differ from the persons they see face to face. A study by Ramirez, Sumner, Fleuriet, and Cole (2014) evaluates the outcomes of individuals meeting face to face after communicating through dating sites and applications. The authors find that people’s behavior, amount of accessible information, and period of interaction influence their final reaction to the first real-life date.

For instance, people that talk to each other online for a long time are often disappointed during their first meeting. It can be explained by the fact that both individuals start to imagine some personal traits and qualities of their partners and idealize their physical appearance and attitude. Therefore, upon meeting face to face, they are disheartened as their created image is not real.

Some inaccurate expectations do not come from simple idealization but also from dishonesty and exaggeration. Self-presentation, which is often exploited by people online, leads to various disappointing outcomes. To avoid these issues, people can meet each other after some brief online interaction. Alternatively, they can use different platforms for communication to exchange more information about each other.

Various personalized forms of communication, such as phone numbers and personal e-mails, are able to bring people closer than online dating applications can. Furthermore, more private information sharing can also fill the gaps of knowledge that would be otherwise filled with one’s imagination. Photos, interests, and other aspects of one’s everyday life can increase the level of trust and intimacy between people. The authors find that individuals who do not share information cannot spark any interest in other persons (Ramirez et al., 2014). Therefore, people can quickly fail at realistically portraying themselves online.

It is clear that technology is not the only reason for the issues of online dating. People often misinterpret or abuse the information that is available to them. Therefore, online dating, as a concept, can bring some positive results. Moreover, it can be improved to help more individuals build healthy relationships. Although the quality of relations most likely decreased due to the growing lack of trust, people gained an opportunity to find each other with a click of a button. The issue of false imagery can be fixed if individuals stop pressuring each other to fit particular standards and instead focus on real and reliable connections.

Currently, online dating has a number of problems that significantly affect the state of relationships in society. People that meet each other online base their desire to interact on trustworthiness, which is directly connected to profile pictures and personal information. Photo editing is a problem that leads to heightened expectations. Also, many individuals try to behave differently online, which creates false personalities and further contributes to one’s trust issues. Misunderstanding and idealization are also common issues, which further interfere with one’s ability to create meaningful connections in real life. Online dating has adverse effects on people’s relations, but it can and should be improved.

McGloin, R., & Denes, A. (2016). Too hot to trust: Examining the relationship between attractiveness, trustworthiness, and desire to date in online dating. New Media & Society. Web.

McWilliams, S., & Barrett, A. E. (2014). Online dating in middle and later life: Gendered expectations and experiences. Journal of Family Issues, 35(3), 411-436.

Mortensen, K. K. (2017). Flirting in online dating: Giving empirical grounds to flirtatious implicitness. Discourse Studies, 19(5), 581-597.

Ramirez, A., Sumner, E. M., Fleuriet, C., & Cole, M. (2014). When online dating partners meet offline: The effect of modality switching on relational communication between online daters. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 20(1), 99-114.

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How online dating has changed the way we fall in love

H ow do couples meet and fall in love in the 21st century? It is a question that sociologist Dr Marie Bergström has spent a long time pondering. “Online dating is changing the way we think about love,” she says. “One idea that has been really strong in the past – certainly in Hollywood movies – is that love is something you can bump into, unexpectedly, during a random encounter.” Another strong narrative is the idea that “love is blind, that a princess can fall in love with a peasant and love can cross social boundaries. But that is seriously challenged when you’re online dating, because it’s so obvious to everyone that you have search criteria. You’re not bumping into love – you’re searching for it.”

Falling in love today tracks a different trajectory. “There is a third narrative about love – this idea that there’s someone out there for you, someone made for you, a soulmate,” says Bergström. “And you just need to find that person.” That idea is very compatible with online dating. “It pushes you to be proactive – to go and search for this person. You shouldn’t just sit at home and wait for this person.”

As a result, the way we think about love – the way we depict it in films and books, the way we imagine that love works – is changing. “There is much more focus on the idea of a soulmate. And other ideas of love are fading away,” says Bergström, whose controversial French book on the subject, The New Laws of Love , has recently been published in English for the first time.

Instead of meeting a partner through friends, colleagues or acquaintances, dating is often now a private, compartmentalised activity that is deliberately carried out away from prying eyes in an entirely disconnected, separate social sphere, she says.

“Online dating makes it much more private. It’s a fundamental change and a key element that explains why people go on online dating platforms and what they do there – what kind of relationships come out of it.”

Take Lucie, 22, a student who is interviewed in the book. “There are people I could have matched with but when I saw we had so many mutual acquaintances, I said no. It immediately deters me, because I know that whatever happens between us might not stay between us. And even at the relationship level, I don’t know if it’s healthy to have so many friends in common.”

It’s stories like these about the separation of dating from other parts of life that Bergström increasingly uncovered in exploring themes for her book. A researcher at the French Institute for Demographic Studies in Paris, she spent 13 years between 2007 and 2020 researching European and North American online dating platforms and conducting interviews with their users and founders. Unusually, she also managed to gain access to the anonymised user data collected by the platforms themselves.

She argues that the nature of dating has been fundamentally transformed by online platforms. “In the western world, courtship has always been tied up and very closely associated with ordinary social activities, like leisure, work, school or parties. There has never been a specifically dedicated place for dating.”

In the past, using, for example, a personal ad to find a partner was a marginal practice that was stigmatised, precisely because it turned dating into a specialised, insular activity. But online dating is now so popular that studies suggest it is the third most common way to meet a partner in Germany and the US. “We went from this situation where it was considered to be weird, stigmatised and taboo to being a very normal way to meet people.”

Having popular spaces that are specifically created for privately meeting partners is “a really radical historical break” with courtship traditions. For the first time, it is easy to constantly meet partners who are outside your social circle. Plus, you can compartmentalise dating in “its own space and time”, separating it from the rest of your social and family life.

Dating is also now – in the early stages, at least – a “domestic activity”. Instead of meeting people in public spaces, users of online dating platforms meet partners and start chatting to them from the privacy of their homes. This was especially true during the pandemic, when the use of platforms increased. “Dating, flirting and interacting with partners didn’t stop because of the pandemic. On the contrary, it just took place online. You have direct and individual access to partners. So you can keep your sexual life outside your social life and ensure people in your environment don’t know about it.”

Alix, 21, another student in the book, says: “I’m not going to date a guy from my university because I don’t want to see him every day if it doesn’t work out. I don’t want to see him with another girl either. I just don’t want complications. That’s why I prefer it to be outside all that.” The first and most obvious consequence of this is that it has made access to casual sex much easier. Studies show that relationships formed on online dating platforms tend to become sexual much faster than other relationships. A French survey found that 56% of couples start having sex less than a month after they meet online, and a third first have sex when they have known each other less than a week. By comparison, 8% of couples who meet at work become sexual partners within a week – most wait several months.

“On online dating platforms, you see people meeting a lot of sexual partners,” says Bergström. It is easier to have a short-term relationship, not just because it’s easier to engage with partners – but because it’s easier to disengage, too. “These are people who you do not know from elsewhere, that you do not need to see again.” This can be sexually liberating for some users. “You have a lot of sexual experimentation going on.”

Bergström thinks this is particularly significant because of the double standards still applied to women who “sleep around”, pointing out that “women’s sexual behaviour is still judged differently and more severely than men’s”.

By using online dating platforms, women can engage in sexual behaviour that would be considered “deviant” and simultaneously maintain a “respectable” image in front of their friends, colleagues and relations. “They can separate their social image from their sexual behaviour.” This is equally true for anyone who enjoys socially stigmatised sexual practices. “They have easier access to partners and sex.”

Perhaps counterintuitively, even though people from a wide range of different backgrounds use online dating platforms, Bergström found users usually seek partners from their own social class and ethnicity. “In general, online dating platforms do not break down barriers or frontiers. They tend to reproduce them.”

In the future, she predicts these platforms will play an even bigger and more important role in the way couples meet, which will reinforce the view that you should separate your sex life from the rest of your life. “Now, we’re in a situation where a lot of people meet their casual partners online. I think that could very easily turn into the norm. And it’s considered not very appropriate to interact and approach partners at a friend’s place, at a party. There are platforms for that. You should do that elsewhere. I think we’re going to see a kind of confinement of sex.”

Overall, for Bergström, the privatisation of dating is part of a wider movement towards social insularity, which has been exacerbated by lockdown and the Covid crisis. “I believe this tendency, this evolution, is negative for social mixing and for being confronted and surprised by other people who are different to you, whose views are different to your own.” People are less exposed, socially, to people they haven’t specifically chosen to meet – and that has broader consequences for the way people in society interact and reach out to each other. “We need to think about what it means to be in a society that has moved inside and closed down,” she says.

As Penelope, 47, a divorced working mother who no longer uses online dating platforms, puts it: “It’s helpful when you see someone with their friends, how they are with them, or if their friends tease them about something you’ve noticed, too, so you know it’s not just you. When it’s only you and that person, how do you get a sense of what they’re like in the world?”

Some names have been changed

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Are Relationships That Start Online More Happy, or Less?

Stigma endures, even as connections become more common..

Updated November 15, 2023 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

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• As online dating has grown more popular, more marriages today get their start online.
• A new study shows that people who meet their spouse offline are more satisfied.
• Online daters also report less stable and satisfying marriages in what we term the online dating effect.

This post was co-authored by Elizabeth Dorrance-Hall, Associate Professor of Communication, Michigan State University and author of Conscious Communication .

If you decide to get married (or if you already are), your choice of a spouse is one of the most important decisions you ever make. Increasingly people are turning to online dating for help with finding “the one.” Earlier this year, the Pew Research Center issued a report revealing that 1 in 10 adults in the U.S. (and 1 in 5 under the age of 30) who are in a serious relationship (i.e., married, cohabiting, or committed) met through online dating. However, until now, not much was known about online dating’s long-term effects on relationships.

In a new study in the journal Computers in Human Behavior , we conducted a survey comparing the marriages of 923 people who met their spouse either in online dating or offline. We stratified our sample to ensure equal representation of online and offline daters and matched our participants’ demographics to U.S. Census Bureau data to enhance representativeness.

The people who met online were introduced through a variety of websites and apps. Those who met offline were introduced through friends, work, and school, to name a few of the most popular venues. We asked participants questions about themselves: their demographics, their dating histories, and their personal characteristics. We also asked about two markers of marital quality: satisfaction and stability. We were interested in whether those who met online versus offline felt satisfied in their marriage , whether they felt that their spouse met their needs, and whether they had ever seriously thought about getting a divorce .

Selection Biases in Online Dating

We started by taking a closer look at the people who met online and are getting married. Do those who meet a spouse online have certain characteristics in common? Our data pointed to a selection bias in the types of people who find love online. Compared to those who met a spouse offline, online daters were younger, had more dating experience, were more recently married, and were more likely to be in a same-sex or an interracial marriage. Given the sheer popularity of online dating in the U.S. and the recency of the relationships in our sample, we suspect that we could see even more marriages that start from online dating in the coming years.

The Online Dating Effect

We were also interested in the quality of these relationships. Are there differences in the marriages of couples who meet through online dating and those who meet offline? We refer to differences in the long-term prospects of these relationships as the online dating effect . Ten years ago, the direction of this effect leaned slightly positive, with people who met through online dating reporting more satisfying and stable marriages. Today, it is reversed: Online daters in our study reported less satisfying and stable marriage than those who met their spouse the old-fashioned way. However, this does not mean that you should delete your apps: Even though online daters reported different outcomes than offline daters, their relationships were still of high quality, on average.

From the beginning, there has been a stigma surrounding online dating, with dating apps in particular gaining reputations for being nonserious and hookup-oriented. This stigma can put added stress on a relationship due to marginalization, or the perception that society disapproves of how the couple met. We found that online daters experience more societal marginalization than offline daters, which led to feeling less supported by friends and family. In another recent study , several people described how this affected their marriage in their own words. According to one person:

I did not tell my parents that that’s how we met. I feel like there’s such a stigma around it, that hookup culture and, “Oh why were you on there? Were you just trying to hook up with guys?” That’s not what I was doing, but I didn’t want to have to defend it.

A different person said:

It still doesn’t get the same respect or oohs and awws as people who will be like, “I met my husband when I was in college, and we’ve been together ever since.” It just seems like a lesser relationship.

Considering the many differences between online and offline dating, there could be other explanations for the online dating effect that require closer inspection. For instance, it could be something about the people who gravitate to these platforms, the algorithms used to match them, or even the size of the dating pool that leads to differences in long-term relationship outcomes. As one example, when options seem abundant, people may be less willing to remain in a relationship when times get tough, which could mean less stability down the road.

For now, our study suggests that meeting online can and does lead to satisfying and stable relationships, but there is evidence of a current trend of online daters reporting less satisfying and stable marriages than those who met in person. We recommend normalizing meeting online as one way to reduce the stigma around online dating, which may lead to more support for these relationships. According to another person:

I think a lot of people don’t know how to react to it yet, right? Because before it was kind of like meeting at a bar was like: "Oh no, you never marry someone you met at a bar," you know? So I think in many ways people are just kind of not really sure what that means. Like maybe they haven’t heard enough success stories, or failures yet, to have an opinion one way or the other.

The way people talk about their relationship can also help normalize this type of dating. Some partners who met online tell an alternative story about how they met or may avoid sharing with friends and family. “Meet cutes” are not just for people who meet in person – in fact, people who meet online often have two stories to tell: the online meeting and the eventual in-person meeting. Educating the public about online dating could go a long way toward encouraging greater acceptance of these relationships. The better people understand online dating, the more likely they will be to embrace it as a legitimate way of finding love.

Facebook image: Prostock-studio/Shutterstock

Sharabi, L. L. (2023). The enduring effect of Internet dating: Meeting online and the road to marriage. Communication Research . Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1177/00936502221127498

Sharabi, L. L., & Dorrance-Hall, E. (2023). The online dating effect: Where a couple meets predicts the quality of their marriage. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2023.107973

Vogels, E. A., & McClain, C. (2023, February 2). Key findings about online dating in the U.S. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/

Liesel Sharabi, Ph.D., is an associate professor in the Hugh Downs School of Human Communication at Arizona State University.

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If You’re Dating Right Now, You’re Brave

“Why am I even doing this?” We’ve all heard this question before. It is a question that often gets raised in my work with people who are dating to find long-term partners. It’s a question that comes from people of all genders, orientations, backgrounds, and socioeconomic statuses, and from clients who are using dating apps as well as those who have eschewed them. Perhaps you’ve even asked this question to yourself.

It feels, in many ways, that dating is the hardest it has ever been. And while so many understand the long-term benefits of partnership, it’s the interpersonal work that they have to put into the process that can outweigh the potential of having the ongoing emotional support of a loving partner.

Modern dating means learning how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, standing firmly in your beliefs, and navigating the beliefs of others in very politically divided times—all the while cycling through the countless disappointments of app dating. These days, getting and staying motivated to date even when it feels hard—and people are difficult to deal with— is recognized as an achievement in and of itself. It’s the age of “Dating People When You Hate People”—and it’s time we take a closer look at the social structures and movements that are creating this less-than-optimal dating landscape.

After suffering the collective trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic, some of us rushed out to be social and get re-connected to the world at large. But others have grown accustomed to having their relationships and social communication take place from the comfort of their home and smartphones. A 2023 review of studies about anxiety and the pandemic showed social anxiety levels increased as pandemic restrictions lessened. That means that regular social interactions, even with people we know and love, have felt harder now for some people, especially those who suffered from general anxiety before restrictions were put in place.

If those situations increase anxiety, think about how meeting new people or putting oneself out there for dating might feel. Some of my clients express anxiety at the idea that all of the effort they’re putting in will actually result in them meeting people in person, which is, I remind them, ultimately what they want. We often discuss ways for managing anxiety, or recognizing it in others, so that dates can go a bit more smoothly.

Another source of stress for daters is finding people with whom they are politically aligned. Vaccination status became a political talking point where daters debated public health and individual freedom. Racial tensions in the wake of George Floyd's murder in May 2020 have made daters hypervigilant when meeting new people and matching on the apps. They want to find partners who are sympathetic to their political ideologies and minimize their interactions with people with opposing views. As we move closer to the rematch between Donald Trump and Joe Biden, daters are weighing political affiliation more heavily when selecting partners.

Historically, online dating has resulted in more interracial and interreligious relationships , but it remains to be seen how the apps will impact the rates of people selecting partners across political lines. We may see further polarization—daters want to know where you stand on a wide range of issues. Dating apps have responded to this need by adding features like profile badges and stickers that signal everything from vaccination status to personal identities and causes that are not just important to daters, but non-negotiables in partnership.

Read More: Would You Date Someone With Different Political Beliefs? Here’s What a Survey of 5,000 Single People Revealed

But all of this adds layers onto an already emotionally draining process; Do you, for instance, pass on someone who looks politically aligned but who hasn’t explicitly stated their political values in their profile? Do you take that extra step to bring up politics right when you match, or do you risk your time and energy on someone who you may not share the same values as you? For a lot of daters, this layer of calculation is added to every single swipe, which increases the energy expended on these decisions. Some might argue that it’s good to take your time to thoughtfully consider each person, but the sheer volume of these decisions on apps is on a scale unheard of until fairly recently. It’s also one of the reasons why so many people experience dating burnout.

For all of the potential benefits of technology bringing disparate daters together to form long lasting love, the overall feeling about dating right now is defeatist. Things feel particularly daunting in heterosexual dating. My male clients feel challenged by how to present themselves and are wary of what topics are off limits, being careful not to seem overly aggressive or creepy. They also experience fewer matches on the apps than women do, which can feel disheartening. I recently spun this as a positive to a client. He was distraught by how few matches he was receiving, but I reminded him that as someone who has anxiety, maybe managing one to two connections a month was better for him in the long run. This didn’t take the sting of feeling like he isn’t being chosen away, though.

My female clients express disappointment in the men with whom they match, citing low communication engagement, ambivalence when it comes to commitment, and a general inability to be appropriately emotionally vulnerable. While the dominant cultural narrative is that single women are just too picky and need to lower their expectations, according to American Survey Center research, for women “dating expectations refer less to a laundry list of must-have qualities and more to basic standards of how they wish to be treated.” This deep sense that women will never meet a partner who can provide a basic level of respect is leading some women to contemplate opting out of dating entirely , and indefinitely. So many women I’ve worked with feel a deep sense of despair at their prospects of meeting a man who will express consistent interest, honor his commitments, show up to dates, and be good to them. They do the work of sorting through matches only to be let down over and over again for what seem to be basic standards of dating.

The effort that is required of today’s dater far surpasses that of previous generations. There are more challenges to starting the process as social barriers feel higher and higher. There are also more ways to feel caught in a loop of trial and error as the tools we use for romantic connection only seem to find more ways to keep us apart. But in times when dating feels draining and inhumane, it’s important to keep things in perspective—finding a romantic partner may be tough, but there are other relationships that singles have that can support them as they make their way through the dating trenches. Many daters turn to trusted friends to help connect them to potential romantic partners . Or they take breaks from dating to refocus on themselves and their mental health. As someone who sees what it’s like on the ground as daters navigate their personal challenges and those placed on them by society, I can say these are the bravest and most resilient daters we’ve seen yet.

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Walter, M. (2020, December 23). Time Magazine [Photograph]. Time. https://time.com/5912806/online-dating-pandemic/

March 16, 2022 / Reading Time: ~ 10 minutes

A Comparison of Satisfaction in Couples Who Met Online vs Offline

Katie Remington

In the Internet age, more and more people are meeting online than ever before. People used to exclusively meet new friends and romantic partners through friends, family, or coworkers, or in some sort of in-person setting. Now, people have the option to form the same sorts of relationships online. Regarding online dating, public opinion is mixed, but most believe that online dating has had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships ( Anderson et al., 2020 ). Current research and public opinion both point toward relationships formed online being as stable and successful as relationships formed offline. In this paper, I focus on online dating and its increasing popularity. I also discuss general attitudes towards online dating, along with divorce and satisfaction rates among couples who met online and couples who met offline. I conducted surveys to further compare relationship satisfaction between couples who met offline and couples who met online. When comparing the results of these surveys, I found no significant difference in relationship satisfaction between couples who met offline and couples who met online. 

Keywords : Internet, online dating, relationships, relationship satisfaction

Introduction

In the online age, people are able to see more, do more, and learn more than ever before. Regardless, there are arguments for both the benefits and the harms of technology. Some argue that technology has allowed us to be more connected than ever before – we’re able to meet new people more easily and maintain relationships across great distances, and access to a wealth of information is just a few clicks away. Others say that we are less present in our lives due to the advent of technology. Technology has made us more distant from one another, negatively affected our mental health, and exposed us to large amounts of misinformation and disinformation. That all being said, in this paper I will focus on how technology has affected romance and how it has facilitated meeting new people, specifically romantic partners.

Keeping in mind the benefits and harms of technology, how has technology affected romantic relationships? How is online dating perceived by the general public? Are online relationships just as “real” as relationships between couples who met offline?  Regarding divorce, are couples who met offline any more likely to divorce than couples who met offline? Are people who met online as happy as those who met offline?

This paper will analyze satisfaction in couples who met both online and offline. The question is: are online relationships as satisfying as relationships that form offline?

Meeting Online

With the rise of the Internet, people are able able to meet each other through more venues than ever; this includes couples. Even before the advent of online dating, people have used various platforms to meet potential romantic partners, such as personal ads and videocassette dating services ( Anderson et al., 2020 ). With the rise of the Internet and its dating apps and sites, people are able able to meet each other through more venues than ever. Up to 2013, most heterosexual couples met through friends, coworkers, family, or via other in-person interactions. Following 2013, this is no longer the case. The number of couples meeting online is skyrocketing, and as of 2017, more couples are meeting online than through any other venue ( Rosenfeld et al., 2019 ). According to an article from the Pew research center, “30% of U.S. adults say they have used a dating site or app” (Anderson et al., 2020). A 2013 study from the University of Chicago found that “more than one-third of marriages in America now begin on-line” ( Cacioppo et al., 2013 ). 

Figure 1. This graph illustrates that currently, more couples are meeting online than in any other setting. Most partners used to meet each other through friends, but now, meeting online or at a bar or restaurant are the most common ways of meeting a partner.

( Rosenfeld et al., 2019 )

With the advent of the Internet along with its various dating apps and sites, there are more places than ever to meet a partner. People have always had the option of meeting someone within their social circles or adjacent to their social circles, but now they have the option to meet someone online, as well. This vastly increases the size of a person’s dating pool. If people have access to a larger selection of potential partners, they can be more selective with whom they date, therefore finding better matches. This increases the odds of someone finding a partner that they have chemistry with, which may make for a more satisfying relationship ( Cacioppo et al., 2013 ).

Because people are now able to meet others outside of their existing social circles, singles are more likely to form relationships with someone from a different background than them. Gina Potarca ( 2020 ), a sociologist at the University of Geneva, notes that couples who meet online are often less similar to each other regarding education, race, or religious background than couples who meet offline. Sociology professor Reuben “Jack” Thomas from The University of New Mexico concurs. He states that “couples who meet online are more likely to be inter-racial, inter-religious, and from different education backgrounds” ( King, 2019 ). Thomas also says that the Internet “is currently desegregating families in America” and that it could “weaken the boundaries between racial/ethnic, religious, and social class groups” ( King, 2019 ). Online dating apps and sites also open up the potential for longer-distance dating, as well. The Internet, and dating platforms by extension, have the power to break down racial, social, geographical, and economic barriers. Not only is the dating pool larger on online dating apps and sites, but the pool is also more diverse. 

Online dating apps and sites expand the dating pool beyond one’s social circles. With that being said, is it possible for there to be too many choices? Anthropologist Helen Fisher argues “yes” in her 2016 TEDTalk Technology hasn’t changed love. Here’s why . To Fisher ( 2016 ), courtship since the inception of online dating has changed in one crucial way: today’s singles have more potential partners than they know what to do with. To deal with this paradox of choice, Fisher ( 2016 ) says that, more than ever before, couples are taking their time before entering relationships. Contrary to the popular belief that online dating encourages fleeting, unstable relationships, Fisher believes that one-night-stands and hookups are exceptions to the rule. That rule is caution. Because divorce can be so devastating, Fisher ( 2016 ) states that today’s couples want “to know every single thing about a partner before they wed” (8:17). With the rise of the Internet, women entering the workforce, and the creation of birth control ( Fisher, 2016 ), today’s singles have more freedom and flexibility around dating than they have in the past. If people have the freedom to truly get to know their partner before dating or marrying them, the odds of a successful, satisfying relationship are much higher than they would be otherwise. 

Perspectives on Online Dating

Americans have divided opinions on online dating. Most people recognize that there are pros and cons to online dating. Those who have dated online generally report that they were fairly easily able to meet people “they found physically attractive, shared common interests with, or who seemed like someone they would want to meet in person” ( Anderson et al., 2020 ). Alternatively, others note the possibility for others to be deceptive online. However, the general public consensus on online dating is that it hasn’t had a positive or negative effect on dating and relationships. Additionally, most Americans believe that relationships that begin online are just as successful as relationships that began offline ( Anderson et al., 2020 ).

Figure 2. 50% of Americans believe that online dating sites and apps have had a neither positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships. 54% of Americans believe that, compared to relationships that begin in person, relationships where people first meet through a dating site or app are just as successful.

( Anderson et al., 2020 )

Those who believe online dating has had a positive effect on dating and relationships point to “its ability to expand people’s dating pools and to allow people to evaluate someone before agreeing to meet in person” ( Anderson et al., 2020 ). Those who believed online dating has had a negative effect on dating and relationships focus on the potential for dishonesty. 

Satisfaction and Divorce

According to a study from the University of Chicago, couples who met online were actually less likely to divorce than couples who met offline. Couples who met online also reported higher rates of satisfaction ( Cacioppo et al., 2013 ) . The study analyzed survey results from couples who married between 2005 and 2012. Participants were asked to give demographic information, details of how they met when they married, and whether or not they had divorced, separated, or become a widow or a widower. Participants were also asked to take a version of the Couples Satisfaction Index, which measures a person’s satisfaction within their current relationship. The study accounted for various potentially moderating variables, such as demographics, and found that couples who met online were just as successful and stable as those who met offline. 

Figure 3. Graphs representing the results from J.T. Cacioppo, S. Cacioppo, G.C. Gonzaga, E.L. Ogburn, and T.J. VanderWeele’s study. (A) represents the marital status of the participants. (B) represents meeting venue. (C) represents offline meeting venues. (D) represents online meeting sites. (E) represents online dating sites. 

( Cacioppo et al., 2013 )

In the same vein, Potarca examined a 2018 Swiss survey in which respondents had met their partner in the past 10 years. Potarca addresses concerns about the “short-term orientation” or “poor-quality” of relationships formed online ( Potarca, 2020 ). Potarca examined family formation intentions, relationship satisfaction and individual well-being, and assortative mating. The results showed that couples who met on an app were actually more likely to want to live together than couples who met offline. This seems to contradict the common fear that dating apps and sites are promoting a superficial, consumerist approach to finding love. Couples who met online reported similar levels of well-being, relationship satisfaction, and life satisfaction to couples who met offline ( Potarca, 2020 ). 

Participants

Participants opted into taking the questionnaire. Participants included my Facebook friends, followers of my Instagram, members of the University of Washington’s Discord, and followers of my professor’s Twitter. There were 25 participants who met their partner online, and 31 participants who met their partner offline.

To compare satisfaction in couples who met offline to couples who met online, I conducted surveys using Funk and Rogge’s CSI-32 questionnaire. The questionnaire includes items such as “I still feel a strong connection with my partner,” and “Our relationship is strong” on a scale of 1 “Not at all true” to 5 “Completely true.” In order to separate responses, couples who met online completed one version of the questionnaire, while couples who met offline completed a separate, identical questionnaire. Participants were also asked to state how they believed their method of meeting impacted their relationship with their partner. 

Scores for couples who met offline ranged from 53-161, and 85-161 for couples who met online. The average satisfaction of couples who met online was 136.29, and the average satisfaction of couples who met offline was 139.91. Each average was rounded to the hundredth place. 

From here, I calculated a standard deviation for each group. For the couples who met offline, the standard deviation was 22.97. For the couples who met online, the standard deviation was 22.93. I also performed a 90% confidence interval for each group. For the couples who met online, the confidence interval was 7.54. For the couples who met offline, the confidence interval was 6.97. I then conducted a Welch’s t-test, and the p-value was insignificant at 0.55. The observed standardized effect size was small at 0.16. 

Figure 4. A graph of the two groups’ averages with their standard deviations.  

According to Funk and Rogge’s CSI-32 questionnaire, CSI-32 scores falling below 104.5 suggest dissatisfaction. The highest possible score is 161. Based on these numbers, the averages suggest general relationship satisfaction among both groups.

Keeping the p-value and the observed standard effect size in mind, the differences between the groups were insignificant. In short, there was no meaningful difference found regarding satisfaction between the group of participants who met their partners offline and the group of participants who met their partners online. 

Most participants stated that they felt their way of meeting their partner had no strong effect on their relationships. However, some participants noted that their way of meeting strengthened their relationships. Many participants who met their partners offline stated that the shared friends, hobbies, or interests that brought them together help them to stay connected to one another. One participant who met their partner online is grateful that they were able to “‘pick’ him from a sea of fish.” Many participants of both groups noted that they were friends with their partners long before they decided to enter into romantic relationships with them. Many participants of both groups also disclosed that they enjoyed sharing the story of how they met their partner with others. 

The current research indicates that couples who meet online are just as stable and satisfied as couples who met offline. This small, self-selected sample cannot be generalized to the greater population, but these results seem to support the current research. 

Online dating remains divisive to this day. Many are concerned about the potential for deception, or that people are ignoring in-person interactions in favor of online ones. Others are convinced that relationships formed online are less likely to be successful or satisfying. That being said, current research indicates that there may not be as much to fear as one would think. Relationships formed online seem to be just as stable and satisfying as those that form offline – possibly even more so. For many, these platforms offer them the chance at love that they’ve been waiting for. People aren’t becoming more superficial or flighty in relationships. In fact, most singles these days are taking their time to truly get to know each other before committing to a relationship or marriage. Potarca (2020) notes that there is a “lingering stigma of seeking love online” – this stigma no longer reflects the reality of current dating culture. Dating apps and sites seem to be getting more and more popular, and the number of people who meet their partners online will likely continue to increase. Research and public opinion will have to try to keep up with the rapid rise of online dating. Perhaps with time, the “lingering stigma” will begin to fade away, and people will begin to embrace online dating for what it is – a tool for meeting new people, one of whom just might be the love of your life. 

Anderson, M., Vogels, E. A., & Turner, E. (2020, October 2). The Virtues and Downsides of  Online Dating . Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech.  https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online- d ating/

Cacioppo, J. T., Cacioppo, S., Gonzaga, G. C., Ogburn, E. L., & VanderWeele, T. J. (2013).  Marital satisfaction and break-ups differ across on-line and off-line meeting venues.  Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 110(25), 10135–10140. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1222447110

Fisher, H. (2016, June). Technology hasn’t changed love. Here’s why [Video]. TED Conferences.   https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_technology_hasn_t_changed_love_here_s_why

Funk, J.L., & Rogge, R.D. (2007). Testing the Ruler with Item Response Theory:  Increasing Precision of Measurement for Relationship Satisfaction with the Couples  Satisfaction Index.  Journal of Family Psychology , 21 , 572-583.

King, M. B. (2019, October 2). Online dating outstrips family, friends as way to meet a partner .  UNM Newsroom.  http://news.unm.edu/news/online-dating-outstrips-family-friends-as-way-to-meet-a-partn er

Potarca, G. (2020). The demography of swiping right. An overview of couples who met through  dating apps in Switzerland. PLOS ONE , 15 (12). https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0243733

Rosenfeld, M. J., Thomas, R. J., & Hausen, S. (2019). Disintermediating your friends: How  online dating in the United States displaces other ways of meeting. Proceedings of the  National Academy of Sciences , 116 (36), 17753–17758.  https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1908630116

Figures 5 & 6. CSI-32 Survey. 

Funk, J.L., & Rogge, R.D. (2007).

And So It Was Written

Author: Katie Remington

Published: March 16, 2022

Word Count: 2651

Reading time: ~ 10 minutes

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Online Dating And Its Impact On Modern Relationships

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How online dating changed dating and relationships?

Negative stigma around online dating, pros and cons of online dating, negatives/ cons.

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