NYU Essay Examples (And Why They Worked)
The following essay examples were written by authors who were admitted to New York University and are intended to provide examples of successful NYU application essays. All names have been redacted for anonymity. Please note that other CollegeAdvisor.com has shared these essays with admissions officers at NYU in order to deter potential plagiarism.
For more help with your NYU supplemental essays, check out our 2020-2021 New York University Essay Guide ! For more guidance on personal essays and the college application process in general, sign up for a monthly plan to work with an admissions coach 1-on-1.
We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. What motivated you to apply to NYU? Why have you applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and or area of study? If you have applied to more than one, please also tell us why you are interested in these additional areas of study or campuses. We want to understand – Why NYU? (400 word maximum)
I always had a keen interest in numbers, probability, and finance. Early on, I could run numbers quickly: calculating sales tax, analyzing probabilities, and visualizing complex mathematical models in my head. After taking AP classes in economics and statistics, I became intrigued with the mathematical representations of economic markets and statistical models, sparking my desire to pursue a career in that field. I set my sights on becoming an actuary since risk management intrigues me and allows me to use my talents in quantitative analysis. However, few schools offer a comprehensive study in that field, which makes Stern the perfect fit for me as the curriculum combines my interests and career goals.
At Stern, I will have the privilege of studying actuarial science, while also obtaining a business degree. The ability to tailor my education with the actuarial science concentration allows me to develop skills in statistical analysis. Through the intense rigor of the concentration requirements STAT-UB 21 “Introduction to Stochastic Processes” and STAT-UB 15 “Statistical Inference and Regression Analysis,” I will be given a stepping stone into quantifying social situations while stimulating my mathematical intrigue through advanced fields like stochastic calculus. I am eager to pursue this course of study to enhance my career development.
The Bachelor of Science in Business Program excites me, as it entails a well rounded yet intensive study in core business disciplines. However, what draws me to Stern is the emphasis on gaining a global perspective, which is crucial in today’s rapidly changing world economy. Through the International Business Exchange Program, I will be able to gain a first-hand cultural experience that will mold me into a global citizen and business leader. Not only will I be taking courses in the most prestigious business schools across the globe, but I will also have new doors opened for me to network with alumni.
Why this NYU essay worked: From an ex-admissions officer
This is an extremely compelling essay. It is clear that the student’s declared interests are, in fact, in line with both the student’s background and experiences, as well as in line with what the college has to offer. These essays work best when the reader can feel the student’s conviction and enthusiasm. Admissions officers appreciate when the reader can easily see the impact the student will have on the school community. By going into detail about their passion for business, the student helps the reader clearly visualize how this passion will manifest in the classroom.
Before I began interning for the International Rescue Committee’s refugee youth acclimation program–right in the heart of the Lower East Side–I underwent weeks of training in providing trauma-informed support, reminded repeatedly that these kids have gone through more than I could possibly imagine.
When the kids did show up, however, I could barely relate the image painted for us in training to the bright, bubbly children who I was to mentor. Mahdi and I especially took to each other. He was just like any other nine-year-old kid–a fan of Roblox, pizza, basketball, funny accents, and an acute hatred for anything math-related.
Only, he wasn’t like any other kid–at least not in the eyes of the 49% of Americans who believe he has no place in this country, for no reason other than the color of his skin, his god, the status of his residency here.
There are people here who would hear his name and call him a terrorist. Kids on the playground would mock his accent rather than be amazed at how quickly he picked up basketball–a sport he’d had zero exposure to 6 months back. Adults, on both ends of the ideological spectrum, would see him as a political mascot rather than a kid, allow him to be one–he’d be forced to grow up too soon, as a result of the hatred, having his existence politicized.
To get to my internship every day, I transferred at West 4th, from the A to the M train. Once in a while, I’d take the chance to climb up and walk around Washington Square Park.
Clad in lavender shirts, NYU students were camped out in the center of the park, asking people to write out on little post-its what social justice meant to them. Fire burning in the pit of my stomach, I wrote, “Allowing Mahdi to just be a kid.”
And NYU can help me make that happen–there is groundbreaking research happening on campus regarding racial bias and inequality at CASSR that I can’t wait to contribute to. Pursuing a major of public health policy, I can take fascinating, relevant classes such as Social Policy in Modern Societies and Race and Ethnicity. What’s more, I can join student organizations–like the one handing out the post-its that day in Washington Square–and work with my peers, with NYU, with New York City as a whole, towards social justice from a health perspective, towards allowing Mahdi to just be a kid.
This essay begins with a student who is searching for answers. She has trained to help her community, applied her training to her environment, and then expands on her findings. In her volunteering endeavors, she finds her purpose. She continues with a personal story with Mahdi, and successfully brings us into her world. We are engaged. She is now frustrated because she can’t help enough, and with a bit of karma, she is approached by an NYU student, and at this moment NYU becomes her answer. She then cites why NYU is her solution, which major she will pursue, which classes she will take, and which student organizations will help to accent her goals. This essay succeeds because we see this student as community oriented and ambitious. As readers, we know that she will be a great and focused addition to the campus. This is a student with purpose, and she makes it clear that NYU will propel her to reach her goals.
These essay examples were compiled by the advising team at CollegeAdvisor.com . If you want to get help writing your NYU application essays from CollegeAdvisor.com Admissions Experts , register with CollegeAdvisor.com today.
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How to write the NYU essays
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A top-tier university with a vibrant school culture, NYU is known for its stellar academics, its open-mindedness, and its opportune location in one of the United States' most famous and diverse cities.
Join Moriah as she covers how to write the NYU essay for all applicants, as well as the specific Cinema Studies major supplement and the MLK Scholars program supplement.
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Undergrad College: Cornell University '21
Major: Policy Analysis & Management
Work Experience: Outside of mentoring students on CollegeVine, I’m interested in finance and it’s intersection with the fashion industry. I currently work in finance for an international consumer packaged goods company.
My Admissions Story: Throughout high school I was especially interested in math and science and focused my college applications on schools with good science and pre-med programs. When I got to college I took my first introductory chemistry class with an incredibly difficult professor (he is one of the AP Chemistry test writers every year). After that, I decided to switch gears and focus on public policy as another way that I could help people.
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New York University (NYU) Admissions Essay Examples
Year after year we are inundated with the same question: can we see some college essay examples? Although we do not share our clients’ work in order protect their privacy, we are happy to share some of the successful college essay examples provided by admissions committees across the country. So, without further ado, please find four successful personal statements submitted to NYU below:
Essay 1: Santería
Writer anonymous.
In her cramped kitchen, Titi Nana cracked the egg in the center of the pan, the cheeriness of the bright yellow yolk contrasting the harshness of the caldero. In a flourish, she jerked the bottle of alcohol in her hand, flames erupting from the griddle. She instructed me: “Wipe it all off,” gesturing to dust off my shoulders and arms into the inferno. I laughed nervously as I removed the maldad [evil] from my body, one brush at a time.
I left Titi’s apartment that day confused about how our family’s practice of Santería [witchcraft] fit in with my outward embrace of my heritage. I felt as if the parts of my Latina identity I claimed openly — dancing salsa to Celia Cruz or enjoying lechón y arroz con habichuelas en Navidad — were contradicted by my skepticism towards Titi’s rituals. My experience with Santería wasn’t new, as proven by my mother’s kitchen altar lit dimly by prayer candles and adorned with evil eyes, statues of San Miguel, and offerings to Elegua; however, I’d never before witnessed such a tangible demonstration of my family’s ritualistic beliefs. Although it surrounded me, I refused to believe in the effects of Santería… so I shunned it entirely.
Moving to a predominantly white boarding school and away from the rituals my family had passed down, I avoided addressing the distance I had wedged between myself and my background. I pushed away all things Latina as my fear of failing to honor my Puerto Rican heritage intensified. This distance only grew as my classmates jokingly commented on my inability to speak Spanish and my white- passing complexion, further tearing away bits of my Latinidad with each snide remark.
In an effort to build myself back up, I began to practice the small bits of Santería that I comprehended: lighting candles for good luck, placing a chalice of water by my bedside to absorb all maldad, and saying my prayers to San Miguel and my guardian angels each day. To my disbelief, the comments that attacked my Latinidad, or lack thereof, faded along with the aching feeling that I had failed to represent my heritage. As I embraced the rituals that I initially renounced, I finally realized the power in Titi’s practices. In all of her cleansing and prayer rituals, she was protecting me and our family, opening the doors for us to achieve our goals and overcome the negativity that once held us back. In realizing the potential of Santería, I shifted my practices to actively protecting myself and others against adversity and employed Santería as a solution for the injustice I witnessed in my community.
Santería once served as my scapegoat; I blamed the discomfort I felt towards black magic for the imposter syndrome festering inside me. Until I embraced Santería, it only served as a reminder that I wasn’t Latina enough in the eyes of my peers. Now, I understand that while intangible, ethereal, even, the magic of Santería is real; it’s the strength of my belief in myself, in my culture, and in my commitment to protect others.
Essay 2: Suburban vs Urban Schools
They talked about the past, but never the present. In my suburban schools, they talked about Martin Luther King Jr., and Harriet Tubman, and Rosa Parks, but for some reason, not Malik el-Shabazz. I use his chosen name because that’s probably what he would’ve wanted and because Malcolm X was mentioned in passing. My ancestors had their own struggles with white people, but no generational impact that holds a light to American slavery. My parents come from a land I only know by name and the stories they tell, and whatever I can gather from Google Maps. While I am African, I mentally distanced myself from true African-Americans; I did not deserve pity for the unspeakable horrors, nor praise for their strength and hope in face of them. In my school, there were barely ever any black kids in my class, and no true African-Americans, so I was the sole focus during lessons on Blackness, where they’d look at me, or avoid eye contact. It wasn’t until I transferred to an inner-city high school that I saw the truth. It wasn’t until I went from the blue and glass monsters that rose out of the ground like mountains in my suburban high school, to the small brick building with gated windows in Boston, that I realized there were schools 20 miles away with mostly kids of color. They were not that different from kids in the suburbs, except for their choices.
I moved in with my dad in Boston, transferring to a small school in the city. In three months at my suburban high school, through a rotating schedule in a labyrinth of opportunities, I needed my schedule every day. On my 3rd day at my Boston school, I knew exactly where to go. For the first time, my schedule was given, not created. The gated windows intimidated me on my first day, and I thought the kids would be crazy or “hood”. What I really discovered was a lot more of them looked like me. There were over 200 students at this school, almost entirely students of color, and a majority white staff. There were no real electives and only one language available at the school. I had to go back a year in math because the system wasn’t designed for students ahead in other districts. We didn’t even have a full-time nurse. Students take public transportation, and kids from three different schools had to fit on buses that fit 38 people. Some bus drivers did not care enough to get every student on board. The ones that did broke federal guidelines. For lunch, every student in Boston is qualified for free meals, a fact frequently thrown around like an accomplishment, but in truth, the lunch is worse than prison food. I’ve seen kids search for seconds of this stuff, while students in the suburbs complain about “limited” choices.
So, what’s the difference between inner-city schools and suburban ones? Well, it’s a series of simple decisions, compounded into disastrous circumstances. I’m afraid the real question is, what’s the difference between inner-city kids and suburban ones? The only difference I’ve seen is that most suburban kids look like the founding fathers we learn about in class, and most of the inner-city kids look like the slaves they bought and bruised. My experience at three vastly different high schools has shown me these problems in educational disparity are closer to home than we think, a crucial misstep in correcting the wrongs of this country. These experiences have given me a unique perspective, and a responsibility to act. I’m planning a protest when schools open back up, which isundefined. There are solutions to these problems, but inaction perpetuates. As King once said, “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” Almost 70 years after Brown v. Board of Education, equality hasn’t been achieved, so we’ll fight to achieve it.
Essay 3: Friday Night Concerts
During my sophomore year, my dad and I established a Friday after-school ritual. My 90-minute commutes home from school are normally devoted to studying, but Fridays are reserved for listening to music with him. We alternate picking songs: a shared favorite or something new. These long car rides sparked my curiosity in music.
I began reading books about our favorite artists and roaming Spotify for hours, listening to a variety of new songs. My playlist ranged from The Beatles and Queen to Ella Fitzgerald, Debussy, and even Montserrat Caball. Most nights I lie in bed with headphones. Music is not background noise, but an immersive experience. I love to let the melody overtake me, to have the volume so high that I can hear every lyric, every crack and nuance in the singer’s voice.
One night I was listening to Bohemian Rhapsody, completely captivated. I loved how the melody made me feel–thrilled yet distressed. I craved more. I wanted to participate, to obtain what felt like magic. So I hurried downstairs to our home piano — an ancient Costco keyboard missing half the keys. I’d never played before, but was determined to learn the song. I first relied on Youtube videos, and soon progressed to other songs using just my ear. My parents, with enough convincing, agreed to buy me a used piano.
So my dad and I were back in the car. One bleak winter night, we pulled into a gravel driveway, the parking lot of an aging, shack-like store. My dad glanced over at me, raising his eyebrows. “I’ll go in first.”
The door creaked open, revealing a glossy black piano. It stood directly in the center of the room, twinkling,bathing in the blinding ceiling lights. I rushed to the piano, running my hands along the ivories, feeling their weight push against mine–oh the magic of a full set of keys!
It wasn’t long before I released the full potential of my weight, striking the first chord to Bohemian Rhapsody. Rich, smooth notes poured out from the piano, swirling through the air in bursts of color. They rushed through me, lit up my eyes, tugged at my heart, until I was completely consumed in their bright, pulsing waves.
I used to think grades were an estimation of my self-worth; I thought fixating on them would fulfill me, when, really, I was unhappy. Music brings me balance and joy. I love escaping through songs and fully absorbing theartists’ pain or excitement. Playing the piano makes these emotions tangible, and it’s empowering and liberating. It gives me something else to challenge and identify myself with. It gives me another source of fulfillment, one that’s even more rewarding, because I pursue it independently.
I practice for hours every day, perhaps to the annoyance of my family. But I know they’re proud, especially my dad. He’s never one to shower me with compliments, nor belt along behind me at the piano. But I feel his pride when he blurts, “You should learn this song” in the car, or when he prompts me to play at holiday parties, his beaming reflection in the piano’s lacquer.
I’m proud of myself, too. I don’t know exactly what I want to do with my love for music or piano. I don’t fancy myself as a concert pianist, nor do I strive to become one. I play for the feeling. I’ll never tire of completing a song,when my heart sings and my eyes start to swim, because every note, every beautiful wash of color, I earned myself.
Essay 4: Three-Headed Monster in ELA Class
I was sitting at my desk in freshman ELA class, as confident as America’s Top Model walking down the runway. It was the end of class and I was excited to see how well I did on the first quiz of the year. My eyes were stalking my teacher as he walked through the aisles, passing back the quizzes. As was the case growing up, I couldn’t wait for my teacher to put my quiz on my desk so I could flip it over for the world to see my A. Finally, the moment arrived. I flipped over the paper, expecting fireworks and confetti to come down when I locked my eyes on my grade. The only problem was that there was no A in sight.
All my life, I’ve felt pressure to achieve the highest grades to honor my mom’s sacrifice. She walked away from everything she knew in the Dominican Republic so that we could immigrate to the United States when I was nine. Her goal was for me to receive a better education and have more opportunities. Getting below an A meant that I wasn’t trying hard enough and that my mom sacrificed in vain. The pressure from my mom was so consuming that my perception of a successful education was entirely defined by grades. My most efficient strategy for earning A’s was memorizing what my teachers taught me and spitting it back out on tests. Since this strategy was so effective, there was no need worrying whether I learned the material or not. I was getting great grades and my mom was pleased, so I was content.
I stared at the C at the top of the quiz like a three-headed monster. My world was crashing down. My first thought, which I quickly dismissed, was that I needed to transfer. However, I’m not the type of person to run from a challenge. I started to rethink how I could engage the course material, rather than simply memorize it. It was clear that my old ways had gone extinct. Instead of cramming, I began studying a week before an exam. Instead of expecting to master a skill when the assessment came, I sought feedback on my progress weeks before the assessment in order to improve. After implementing these new strategies, I not only earned A’s again, but I was able to gain life-long learning skills.
I now have the knowledge and mastery of skills to succeed in college. Now that I recognize the true learning process, I have the power to continue to strive for success. When I took Biology in high school, I was fascinated by being able to develop an in-depth understanding of our bodies and the world around us. Biology allowed me to think critically and to see beyond the surface. Specifically, I enjoyed having the opportunity to apply my knowledge in labs by generating hypotheses and testing them. I’m looking forward to taking advantage of your resources to participate in research and prepare for a career as an anesthesiologist.
I aspire to be an anesthesiologist because I hope to help people ease their fears and pain when going into surgery. I recognize that becoming an anesthesiologist is a difficult task, but thanks to lessons I’ve learned, I’m excited to overcome challenges thrown my way the same way I overcame my struggles in ELA class. Facing that challenge, and discovering the power of learning, helped me grow immensely. Truthfully, there will always be fireworks and confetti in my head at the sight of an A, but I now recognize that the learning is far more lasting than an A.
We hope you’ve found these personal statement examples to be helpful!
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See the Essay That Helped This Student Get into NYU
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As part of College Confidential's essay series, we're sharing personal essays from students who were admitted to college during a prior admissions cycle. The student who wrote this as his essay was accepted to New York University, and we are sharing it with his permission.
"It's a mammoth tusk," my friend said.
I held up the item that I'd just dug out of the ground and examined it against the light. It was only a few inches long, beige in color, and hard as a rock. "Mammoth tusks would be huge," I told him, stuffing it into my pocket to examine later.
When I got home that day, I set the item on a shelf in my room where I stored all of my artifacts. Even then, in second grade, I had at least 25 different things in my collection. Some of them were simple to identify: A marble, a plastic comb, some fake coins from Chuck E. Cheese. But all of them were mine – dug from the ground in the woods around my neighborhood and cleaned off by me for later inspection.
My tools weren't fancy. I had a small metal garden shovel that my parents no longer needed, an old paintbrush, and a metal tool that I assumed was a stainless steel chopstick (found previously in the dirt at a playground). My method was pretty simple: Use the shovel to dig a hole, and if it hit anything, I'd use the chopstick to pry it out. After that, I'd dust it off with the paintbrush and take it home.
My best finds were the things I couldn't identify. Did I dig up a piece of an old parachute? Or was it just someone's sock that fell out of a backpack during a hike? Is someone looking for this item, or was it purposely discarded? I would go over these unidentifiable objects repeatedly, touching and polishing them to try and get their history to flow into my body. Sometimes I'd have a dream where I definitively diagnosed my items. I'd wake up and say "Oh that's right, the rusted metal I found on Tuesday wasn't an old beer can – it was discarded war ammunition." Then I'd realize that this insight came from my dream, not from real life, and I'd be back to square one.
My hobby continued for years, and eventually my grandparents bought me a metal detector. I took it out on a dig in sixth grade, eager to bring up a tub filled with gold and silver coins, but the only things I detected with it were a belt buckle and an old crucifix pendant, which my brother assured me was cursed, so I put it back where I'd found it.
Even though those were decent finds, I felt like the metal detector was taking part of the fun out of my digs. After a few weeks, I put it in the garage and grabbed my previous tool bag. Armed with my shovel and other materials, I could once again dig holes throughout the woods, with or without my friends, and make discoveries.
My collection of archeological items is smaller now. When we moved, I had to part with a few things, but I was sure to keep the ones I couldn't identify. Into the trash went the marbles and belt buckles. Onto the shelf in my new house went the tusk, the parachute, the ammunition and other items that had been ambiguously ID'd by me.
Last year, while cutting through the woods to my friend's house, I lost a soapstone keychain. I looked for days, but never located it. Sometimes I wonder if a second grader out digging may have found it.
"Is it a tusk?" he asked his friend.
Then, in my dream, he proudly put it on a shelf to fuel his own sense of wonder, never knowing who left it there or why, only to create his own stories about it.
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3 Strong NYU Diversity Essay Examples
New York University (NYU) is an extremely selective school, so it’s important to write strong essays that help your application stand out. In this post, we’ll share some essays real students have submitted for NYU’s Diversity prompt and outline their strengths and areas of improvement.
(Names and identifying information have been changed, but all other details are preserved.)
Note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be beneficial to get inspiration for your essays, but you should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarize.
Read our NYU essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts.
NYU Diversity Prompt
The following essays respond to this prompt:
NYU was founded on the belief that a student’s identity should not dictate the ability for them to access higher education. That sense of opportunity for all students, of all backgrounds, remains a part of who we are today and a critical part of what makes us a world class university. Our community embraces diversity, in all its forms, as a cornerstone of the NYU experience. We would like to better understand how your experiences would help us to shape and grow our diverse community. Please respond in 250 words or less.
This is the classic Diversity Essay , which asks students to share what makes them unique. While diversity is most commonly associated with ethnicity, culture, and identity, keep in mind that it also encompasses:
- Interests, hobbies, and talents
- Perspectives, values, and opinions
- Experiences
- Personality traits
With that, let’s dive into the student examples!
Example 1 – Life as an Indian-Muslim
Growing up in America as an Indian-Muslim, I am constantly reminded of my minority status. As a child, the only outlet I had from this feeling was traveling back to India; the secluded family farm welcomed me with the pungent aroma of Indian spices and the constant chatter of relatives always brought me comfort. However, as governments changed and the anti-Muslim sentiment in India grew, an insecurity in my identity began to form. Loud riots exploded and brutal attacks on Muslim families made it clear that I was no longer welcome in a country which once felt like home. Living in a world which never regarded me as part of the majority led me to turn to writing as the cornerstone of my cultural expression.
Reporting through the general and Islamic publications at NYU, including the Aftab Arts and Literature publication, is how I plan to use my seven years of prior experience in journalism to shape the diverse community at NYU. It is imperative that I not only raise a voice of representation for the miniscule percentage of Indian-Muslim students, but also give the larger NYU community unbiased reporting on Muslim concerns. Being a voice for Muslims in the media is essential to combating Islamophobia, especially since 9/11, as media propaganda has instilled a deadly bias against Muslims.
At NYU, where almost every country in the world is represented, I will be able to learn about other unique cultures and expand the community by educating on my own.
What the Essay Did Well
This student does a great job of answering this NYU-specific Diversity Prompt , specifically through their clear, engaging structure.
The prompt is two-pronged. Students must describe:
1) their diverse background or experience, and
2) how their diverse background or experience will improve the community at NYU.
In this essay, the student answers the first question in their first paragraph and the second question in their second paragraph. They connect the paragraphs with a strong transition sentence that takes us from their past experiences to the future experiences they hope to have at NYU: “Living in a world which never regarded me as part of the majority led me to turn to writing as the cornerstone of my cultural expression.”
On a smaller scale, the first paragraph is structured by a beautiful narrative arc. This student struggled with cultural expression growing up, so they enjoyed traveling back to India where they felt comfortable, but then Indian political activity made India less comfortable, and ultimately they turned to writing, rather than a place, as their preferred form of cultural expression. Their story is easy to follow, yet detailed, with compelling lines like “the pungent aroma of Indian spices and the constant chatter of relatives always brought me comfort” ensuring the reader doesn’t lose focus.
In addition to providing an engaging essay scaffolding, this student does a great job of making themself seem engaging by sharing their thoughts on the Indian-Muslim experience. Their reflections on the Indian government’s views on Islam, and the relationship between media, 9/11, and Islamophobia are brief by necessity, but nonetheless show this student has strong critical thinking skills, and would have a lot to teach their peers at NYU.
Finally, the student explains in concrete terms why they would be a valuable addition to the NYU community. In the sentence “Reporting through the general and Islamic publications at NYU, including the Aftab Arts and Literature publication, is how I plan to use my seven years of prior experience in journalism to shape the diverse community at NYU,” they both subtly reference their past accomplishments and paint a picture of how they’ll use NYU’s resources to continue building on those achievements.
What Could Be Improved
While this essay is both personal and compelling, there are two changes the student could make to take their writing to the next level.
Firstly, the student’s topic is emotional, but they don’t express much emotion in their writing. For example, they write “the only outlet I had from this feeling was traveling back to India,” but we are left wondering what “this feeling” was.
Some small adjustments could help readers better understand the student’s emotions. For example, they could change their first sentence to “Growing up in America as an Indian-Muslim has been painful, which has made me feel conflicted about my minority status” or “Growing up in America as an Indian-Muslim has been isolating, which has made me resent my minority status.”
Additionally, as they write about the effect of the anti-Muslim attacks in India on their cultural identity, they could add a sentence describing their emotions. For example:
“Loud riots exploded and brutal attacks on Muslim families made it clear that I was no longer welcome in a country that once felt like home. At the same time, the country that is my home has always been fond of profiling my family as terrorists, when they are the ones who force us to live in constant fear. Living in a world that never regarded me as part of the majority led me to turn to writing as the cornerstone of my cultural expression.”
Secondly, because the student does such a great job of responding to the prompt in their first two paragraphs, the concluding sentence “At NYU, where almost every country in the world is represented, I will be able to learn about other unique cultures and expand the community by educating on my own” is unnecessary. We are already convinced that they will expand the NYU community. Instead, these words can be reallocated to adding sentences with emotional valence.
Example 2 – Santa’s Not Real!
When I was four, my parents told me that Santa wasn’t real. This wasn’t shocking because I was Jewish, and my parents never perpetuated the idea that an old man snuck into our house to deliver presents. But, in December 2009, they gave me paramount instructions. I could not tell any of my friends the truth about Santa. The innocence of my pre-K peers was in my hands, so I promised never to reveal this colossal secret. However, every Christmas, I would feel isolated from my Christian friends. Annually, I was told how terrible it was that I didn’t celebrate.
For a while, I felt terrible too, and the isolation only persisted as I got older. At thirteen, I began fasting for Yom Kippur, so I would miss that day of school. However, my teachers would always manage to schedule a test that I would be forced to miss. This was infuriating. But, in the heat of my anger, I realized something. My Southern community wasn’t targeting Jewish people. They were just ignorant of cultures different from their own.
This realization made me value the importance of celebrating cultural diversity. No one should ever feel isolated because of their differences.
This essay does a great job of drawing us in with its first sentence. To most American readers, the sentence “When I was four, my parents told me that Santa wasn’t real” is intriguing. Finding out that Santa isn’t real is a universal experience that binds most of us, so we want to know why this student was told at such a young age.
Another strength of this essay is the student’s charming use of language. For example, the student cleverly describes Santa: “my parents never perpetuated the idea that an old man snuck into our house to deliver presents.” Similarly, the sentence “The innocence of my pre-K peers was in my hands” is funny.
Lastly, this student does a good job of pointing out their identity. While admissions officers have access to the name of this student’s high school, without being specifically reminded that the student grew up Jewish in the South, they likely would not have put that together. The sentence “My Southern community wasn’t targeting Jewish people” brings attention to this student’s complex identity.
The main issue with this essay is that it does not flow. This is attributable to a lack of structure.
The student begins with the Santa anecdote, which is explored for four sentences (more than a “hook” normally gets), but oddly, does not turn into the focus of the essay. Instead, the student abruptly moves to discuss other experiences when they felt isolated due to being Jewish. For this anecdote to be effective, the student needs to do one of two things: focus it or connect it.
With the “focus it” method, the student would finish the Santa anecdote, then use the rest of the essay to reflect on how the anecdote shows their values or approach to diversity. This could look like:
“When I was four, my parents told me that Santa wasn’t real. This wasn’t shocking because I was Jewish, and my parents never perpetuated the idea that an old man snuck into our house to deliver presents. But, in December 2009, they gave me paramount instructions. I could not tell any of my friends the truth about Santa. The innocence of my pre-K peers was in my hands, so I promised never to reveal this colossal secret. Unfortunately, my pre-K self was chatty and didn’t understand that the Santa secret would hurt my friends if I told them, and I ended up telling Natalia Huckabee. Natalia’s mom called my mom and explained the importance of us respecting each other’s differences and my mom was mortified.
Since then, it has been very important to me that I respect the beliefs of people around me and that they respect my Jewish identity… “
For the “connect it” method, the student would shorten their Santa anecdote, connect it to other anecdotes about feeling isolated, then reflect on how that isolation affects their worldview. This would look like:
“My Jewish parents never perpetuated the idea that an old man snuck into our house to deliver presents. Actually, at the ripe age of four, they sat me down and told me that Santa wasn’t real. In that same sitting, they gave me very specific instructions: I could not tell any of my friends the truth about Santa. I just had to say that Santa didn’t visit Jews.
Each year, I was told a million times how terrible it was that I didn’t get presents from Santa. Each year, I missed four to seven tests for Jewish holidays. Each year, I… “
Either way, the anecdote should be followed by reflection. Currently, this student’s introspective musings feel surface-level and are not compelling. They include “For a while, I felt terrible too” and “This was infuriating.”
Similarly, the conclusions they draw about the importance of diversity lack nuance and do not show a capacity for deep thought. These include “I realized something. My Southern community wasn’t targeting Jewish people. They were just ignorant of cultures different from their own” and “No one should ever feel isolated because of their differences.”
Dedicating a few sentences specifically to deep reflection would allow the student to explore their identity with more authenticity and would help admissions officers get to know them.
Lastly, this student completely fails to answer a core element of this prompt: “ We would like to better understand how your experiences would help us to shape and grow our diverse community.” The student does not say anything about NYU, the NYU community, or how they will contribute to the NYU community.
For any Diversity Essay , it is extremely important to write about how your diversity shapes your outlook and actions. Specifically with this prompt, the student should forecast how their diversity would play out at NYU. They could describe their plans to start a club, participate in a specific research initiative, or get involved with activism.
Example 3 – Doc McStuffins
“The Doc is in, and she’ll fix you up!”
Why was it okay for McStuffins to be both black and intelligent in her world, but it was so rare in mine? Based on assumption, I was shoved into intervention groups without proper assessment, causing me to avoid participation in class. At least until I discovered my true passion — Biology.
While my teachers discouraged me from STEM, my ever-curious mind gravitated towards it, yearning to learn more. I memorized each detail of what I was given, grinning as I recited cell systems and organelles. I now hold an internship investigating DNA editing technology (CRISPR), working to alter DNA of ailments through laboratory work and qualitative analysis. Somehow, seeing a 7-year-old girl wipe jam off a frantic doll, convinced it was bleeding, motivated me to dive head-first into the world of science.
Diversity in science is incredibly significant, but how can there be diversity if non-conventional scientists are discouraged? NYU values the importance of diversity, making it the school for me. At NYU I will join Blackademics and, I will form a podcast for women of color to talk about their experiences with commonly faced educational setbacks. As someone encouraged by seeing representation, I deeply understand the excitement that seeing someone like you doing “atypical” things can bring. Through NYU courses like Intergroup Dialogue, I will hold a similar influence that Doc McStuffins had on me towards others.
This is an example of a hook-done-right. The essay starts with a quote from the Doc McStuffins theme song, which (whether you’re familiar with Doc McStuffins or not) reads as sweet and endearing. Then, she uses a provocative question to connect the quote to her own experiences, which serves as a transition to the bulk of the essay, which is about her experiences.
This student centers her essay around a specific theme: representation. A common error in college essay writing is the failure to stay focused, but she successfully uses her theme to anchor her essay. Her hook is about representation , her setbacks are about representation , and she wants to get involved in specific NYU activities to improve representation .
Lastly, and extremely importantly, this student thoroughly answers the prompt. She is asked how her diverse experiences will improve the NYU community, and she explains how her experience growing up as a young, Black woman — interested in STEM but shut out from STEM — will motivate her to work towards equal representation at NYU.
This student’s main area for improvement has to do with her integration of the Doc McStuffins hook. Simply put, Doc McStuffins is referenced too much in her later paragraphs. With a limited word count, every sentence is a resource, and the majority of sentences should go toward a student’s values and personality.
Here, we would suggest that “Somehow, seeing a 7-year-old girl wipe jam off a frantic doll, convinced it was bleeding, motivated me to dive head-first into the world of science” be replaced with a sentence describing the student’s emotions about her success in STEM. Throughlines are great, but connecting every paragraph back to your hook is repetitive.
Additionally, the aforementioned sentence is not easily digestible. Unless your reader is extremely familiar with Doc McStuffins, it will probably take them a minute to figure out who the 7-year-old girl is and what jam blood has to do with anything. This same issue presents itself in the sentence “Based on assumption, I was shoved into intervention groups without proper assessment, causing me to avoid participation in class,” which is hard to understand.
Read through your essay to ensure that all of your sentences make sense, no matter the knowledge level of the person reading. Run your essay by friends and family, and specifically ask them to flag areas that they think might be confusing.
Where to Get Feedback on Your Essay
Want feedback on your NYU diversity essay before you submit? That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.
If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
Other NYU Essay Resources
- 4 Great “Why NYU?” Essays
- How to Write the “Why NYU?” Essay
- How to Write the MLK Scholars Program Essay
Related CollegeVine Blog Posts
The Ultimate College Application Essay
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September 13, 2023
2023-2024 NYU Supplemental Essay Prompt
New York University has released its supplemental essay prompt for the 2023-2024 admissions cycle. In addition to The Common Application ’s Personal Statement, applicants to NYU are asked to respond to one optional 250-word supplemental essay — and it’s a different one from years past.
For this supplemental essay, NYU applicants can focus their answer on one of four quotes provided, choose their own quote, or not answer the question at all. Of course, students who don’t write optional essays put themselves at a significant disadvantage — irrespective of what NYU’s admissions officers may say to the contrary.
2023-2024 NYU Essay Question
In 250 words or less, applicants to NYU’s Class of 2028 are asked to respond to the following prompt:
We are looking for peacemakers, changemakers, global citizens, boundary breakers, creatives and innovators – Choose one quote from the following and let us know why it inspires you; or share a short quote and person not on our list who inspires you, and include why.
“We’re used to people telling us there are no solutions, and then creating our own. So we did what we do best. We reached out to each other, and to our allies, and we mobilized across communities to make change, to benefit and include everyone in society.”
– Judith Heumann, 2022 NYU Commencement Address
“I encourage your discomfort, that you must contribute, that you must make your voice heard. That is the essence of good citizenship.”
– Sherilynn Ifill, 2015 NYU Commencement Addresss
“If you know how to fly but you never knew how to walk, wouldn’t that be sad?” Lang Lang, 2015 NYU Honorary Degree Recipient “You have the right to want things and to want things to change.”
– Sanna Marin, Former Prime Minister of Finland, 2023 NYU Commencement Address
“It’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair.”
– Taylor Swift, Change, Released 2008, 2022 NYU Commencement Speaker
Share a short quote and person not on this list, and why the quote inspires you.
Not answering this optional question.
When answering this NYU essay prompt, regardless of the quote a student chooses, students must focus on how they think and wish to shape the world in one singular way rather than focus on the quote itself or the person who uttered the line at a commencement address. Ideally, the essay will fit like a puzzle piece with the Personal Statement — in a complementary rather than a redundant way — to showcase the singular hook a student hopes to bring to NYU.
On a personal note, we at Ivy Coach are pleased to see a quote included from the late disability rights activist Judith Heumann , NYU’s 2022 commencement speaker and the subject of a 2022 Academy Award-winning documentary, as she was a dear friend of Ivy Coach’s Founder, Bev Taylor .
Ivy Coach’s Assistance with the NYU Essay
If you’re interested in optimizing your case for admission to NYU by submitting an NYU supplement that wows admissions officers, fill out Ivy Coach ’s free consultation form , and we’ll be in touch to outline our college counseling services for applicants to the Class of 2028.
You are permitted to use www.ivycoach.com (including the content of the Blog) for your personal, non-commercial use only. You must not copy, download, print, or otherwise distribute the content on our site without the prior written consent of Ivy Coach, Inc.
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TOWARD THE CONQUEST OF ADMISSION
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Choose Your Test
Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 177 college essay examples for 11 schools + expert analysis.
College Admissions , College Essays
The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.
In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!
What Excellent College Essays Have in Common
Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.
Visible Signs of Planning
Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.
Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.
Stellar Execution
A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!
A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.
Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.
And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.
Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!
Want to write the perfect college application essay? Get professional help from PrepScholar.
Your dedicated PrepScholar Admissions counselor will craft your perfect college essay, from the ground up. We'll learn your background and interests, brainstorm essay topics, and walk you through the essay drafting process, step-by-step. At the end, you'll have a unique essay that you'll proudly submit to your top choice colleges.
Don't leave your college application to chance. Find out more about PrepScholar Admissions now :
Links to Full College Essay Examples
Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.
Common App Essay Samples
Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:
1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.
Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts.
Connecticut college.
- 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025
Hamilton College
- 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
- 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
- 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
- 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
- 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007
Johns Hopkins
These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).
- 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
- 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
- 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
- 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
- 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
- 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
- 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020
Essay Examples Published by Other Websites
- 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia
Other Sample College Essays
Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.
Babson College
- 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020
Emory University
- 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
- 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out
University of Georgia
- 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
- 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
- 10 Harvard essays from 2023
- 10 Harvard essays from 2022
- 10 Harvard essays from 2021
- 10 Harvard essays from 2020
- 10 Harvard essays from 2019
- 10 Harvard essays from 2018
- 6 essays from admitted MIT students
Smith College
- 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018
Books of College Essays
If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.
College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.
50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .
50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.
Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.
Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked
I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.
Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)
I had never broken into a car before.
We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.
Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.
"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"
"Why me?" I thought.
More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.
My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.
Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.
But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.
Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"
The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.
Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.
What Makes This Essay Tick?
It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!
An Opening Line That Draws You In
In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).
Great, Detailed Opening Story
More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.
It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.
Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.
Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight
Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.
Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."
Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims
My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.
"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.
Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice
My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.
Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."
The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.
An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future
But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"
The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.
This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.
What Could This Essay Do Even Better?
Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?
Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.
Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.
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Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)
My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.
Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.
Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.
I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.
In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).
I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.
A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.
It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.
Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.
One Clear Governing Metaphor
This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.
But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:
This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.
Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:
While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.
An Engaging, Individual Voice
This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.
Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).
My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.
I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.
Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.
Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!
For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:
Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.
Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.
Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.
Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.
In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.
The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.
Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.
Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.” The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.
Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.
4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay
How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.
#1: Get Help From the Experts
Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings . If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale. If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .
#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own
As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:
- Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
- Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
- Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
- Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?
Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.
#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment
All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.
Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.
#4: Start Early, Revise Often
Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.
Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!
For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .
What's Next?
Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.
Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .
Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .
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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.
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NYU Admissions Counselors Tackle the 2023-24 Supplemental Essay
Staff Writer
NYU Supplemental Essay (Jimmy's Version)
“we’re used to people telling us there are no solutions, and then creating our own. so we did what we do best. we reached out to each other, and to our allies, and we mobilized across communities to make change, to benefit and include everyone in society.” judith heumann, disability rights activist and 2022 nyu commencement address speaker.
Humanity is a web within which we are all intrinsically tied. Realizing one’s own agency is the key to better community. Realizing that we as humans can leverage that agency together is the key to a better world.
Even the tiniest drops of water can create a new path over time. The power of persistence has motivated me my entire life. Each individual voice, relationship, and community is a work of art, and that art is a powerful medium of change. The world we experience today needs that art, the persistence that comes with it, and passion that inspires it. The fact that almost 8 billion of us around the globe are writing a story together, whether we want to or not, is a harmony of existence. As humans on this planet, we have the ability to steer that pen on paper.
Through my community engagement, extracurricular leadership, and academic exploration, I have already learned an incredible amount towards how I want to show up in this world. I’ve learned that when people come together over a cause, there is no hurdle too high. I’ve learned that diversity is essential, and diversity of thought results in innovative ideas and solutions. I’ve learned that sustainable design principles can build healthier, happier environments.
From a pool of individuals’ solutions comes the collective future of our dreams. I would love nothing more than to roll up my sleeves and learn amongst the greatest minds of my generation as a student at NYU.
NYU Supplemental Essay (Ayham's Version)
“you have the right to want things and to want things to change.” sanna marin, former pm of finland and 2023 nyu commencement address speaker.
I grew up in a household that valued tradition wholeheartedly and held a profound connection to following our beliefs, customs, and legacy till the day we leave this world. I loved my traditions and customs, but I also loved change: learning, growing, prospering, and reimagining tradition. Yet, at times, these two values clashed, unfortunately, and I was faced with the dilemma of “what is right?” I remember staring at my computer screen, looking at my academic record, and being happy with my grades and position at my school. I made my mother proud, and that’s all that mattered… But was it?
Part of me, deeply hidden inside, was unsatisfied. I was good at what I did, but I wasn’t happy. I wanted to be in a more open, diverse, and inclusive environment. I wanted to feel more challenged – I wanted change. I remembered my traditions and beliefs, but I also wanted to remember myself, my wants for change, and I wanted to better myself. These two parts of my identity don’t always have to clash. So, I catered to the next step of my life, applying to college, to situate myself in spaces where I can experience the growth I want to see for myself. The challenges I want to endure. I am applying to NYU because I do have the right to want things, and I want to experience my new self in the global education NYU has to offer.
NYU Supplemental Essay (Bridget's Version)
Share a short quote and person not on this list, and why the quote inspires you..
“Everybody wave goodbye to Juice Box!” So screams Will Ferrell in the 2005 cinematic masterpiece Kicking and Screaming . Admittedly, this is a weird quote for a college essay, but hear me out. Every Friday night growing up, my family would choose a movie to watch. Most often, we would choose Kicking and Screaming , a comedy about a crazy soccer coach.
Every week, we’d sit in the same places and settle in to watch the same movies in rotation. And every week, regardless of how many times she’d seen it, my younger sister laughed hysterically when Will Ferrell screamed at the “juice box boy.”
How could she think it was so funny? I didn’t. And after all, she was basically a mini-me – or so I thought. When you’re 13, it seems like your siblings are non-player characters; you live in the same house and occasionally chat about chores, but you never think about them as real people with independent thoughts. Or, at least I didn’t. My sister’s laughter led me to realize that, even though we lived in the same house, I didn’t actually know all that much about my siblings. Since then, I’ve made an active effort to learn more about the people around me. In college, I strive to extend this sense of curiosity about people into the rest of my life, too. I believe that everyone has a unique perspective to share. By learning about other people, I can learn more about the wider world around me.
Your Guide to the NYU Supplemental Essay
Looking for advice on the 2023 NYU supplemental essay question? NYU Admissions Counselor Katie Hindman has advice and tips for applicants.
Announcing the 2023-2024 Common Application for NYU
Planning to apply to NYU during the 2023-2024 academic year? Here's what you need to know about recent changes to NYU's Common Application.
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TOWARD THE CONQUEST OF ADMISSION. If you're interested in Ivy Coach's college counseling, . fill out our free consultation form and we'll be in touch. Get Started. Fill out our short form for a 20-minute consultation to learn about Ivy Coach's services. This is the most famous college essay that comes to mind for us in our many years in ...
How to Write the NYU Essays 2023-2024. NYU has just one supplemental prompt this year, which allows you to choose from six different options. Although this prompt is technically optional, NYU's prime location in the heart of downtown New York City, campuses all across the globe, and affiliation with excellent graduate schools in a range of ...
CollegeVine College Essay Team November 16, 2022 13 Essay Examples, New York University. 4 Great "Why NYU?". Essay Examples. New York University is a selective university in the heart of NYC. Its top academic programs and location make it a highly-desirable college, and only a select few of over 85,000 applicants were accepted last year.
Successful NYU Essays. These are successful college essays of students that were accepted to New York University . Use them to see what it takes to get into NYU and other top schools and get inspiration for your own Common App essay, supplements, and short answers. These successful NYU essays include Common App essays, NYU supplements, and ...
Writing About NYU's Campus. This prompt has a 400-word limit, so instead of writing 400 words about the location and prestige of NYU, you want to dive into the specifics. The length of this essay and the questions in the prompt enable you to go into extensive detail. Admissions officers don't want to read a general description of the campus ...
Why NYU Essay 2023 Update. NYU has discontinued the "Why NYU" for the 2022-2023 admissions cycle. That means there won't be an NYU-specific writing supplement provided as part of the Common Application process. However, students can submit an optional 250-word response as part of NYU's additional questions section.
This 2021-2022 essay guide on NYU was written by Juliana Furigay, Columbia '23. For more resources on the college admissions process, click here. If you need help crafting your answer to the NYU essay prompt, create your free account or schedule a no-cost advising consultation by calling (844) 343-6272.
Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel obligated to do so.
This is an extremely compelling essay. It is clear that the student's declared interests are, in fact, in line with both the student's background and experiences, as well as in line with what the college has to offer. These essays work best when the reader can feel the student's conviction and enthusiasm. Admissions officers appreciate ...
About this livestream. Description. A top-tier university with a vibrant school culture, NYU is known for its stellar academics, its open-mindedness, and its opportune location in one of the United States' most famous and diverse cities. Join Moriah as she covers how to write the NYU essay for all applicants, as well as the specific Cinema ...
Read four successful college essays submitted to NYU in order to gain insight into what a strong admissions essay looks like. ... In my school, there were barely ever any black kids in my class, and no true African-Americans, so I was the sole focus during lessons on Blackness, where they'd look at me, or avoid eye contact. It wasn't until ...
Roberto Vivancos/Pexels. As part of College Confidential's essay series, we're sharing personal essays from students who were admitted to college during a prior admissions cycle. The student who wrote this as his essay was accepted to New York University, and we are sharing it with his permission. "It's a mammoth tusk," my friend said.
3 Strong NYU Diversity Essay Examples. New York University (NYU) is an extremely selective school, so it's important to write strong essays that help your application stand out. In this post, we'll share some essays real students have submitted for NYU's Diversity prompt and outline their strengths and areas of improvement.
This college essay tip is by Abigail McFee, Admissions Counselor for Tufts University and Tufts '17 graduate. 2. Write like a journalist. "Don't bury the lede!" The first few sentences must capture the reader's attention, provide a gist of the story, and give a sense of where the essay is heading.
The Ultimate College Application Essay. This is an essay written by Hugh Gallagher when applying to New York University. He graduated from NYU in May 1994. In 1995, this essay was reprinted in The Guardian. Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realised, that have helped to define you as a person?
College essay example #3. This is a college essay that worked for Duke University. (Suggested reading: How to Get Into Duke) As soon as the patient room door opened, the worst stench I have ever encountered hit me square in the face. Though I had never smelled it before, I knew instinctively what it was: rotting flesh.
As part of this year's first-year application, you'll have the option to answer a new NYU supplemental essay question.This year, we're asking something brand new: We are looking for peacemakers, changemakers, global citizens, boundary breakers, creatives and innovators - Choose one quote from the following and let us know why it inspires you; or share a short quote and person not on ...
2023-2024 NYU Essay Question. In 250 words or less, applicants to NYU's Class of 2028 are asked to respond to the following prompt: We are looking for peacemakers, changemakers, global citizens, boundary breakers, creatives and innovators - Choose one quote from the following and let us know why it inspires you; or share a short quote and ...
Using real sample college essays that worked will give you a great idea of what colleges look for. Learn from great examples here. Call Direct: 1 (866) 811-5546 ... "Tell us about the best gift you've ever given or received." 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018 . You really can find everything at the library.
NYU Supplemental Essay (Bridget's Version) Share a short quote and person not on this list, and why the quote inspires you. "Everybody wave goodbye to Juice Box!". So screams Will Ferrell in the 2005 cinematic masterpiece Kicking and Screaming. Admittedly, this is a weird quote for a college essay, but hear me out.
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