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The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriage in Modern Society

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Introduction, history of arranged marriage, pros of arranged marriage, cons of arranged marriage, cultural differences of arranged marriage, modern arranged marriage, arranged marriage vs. love marriage.

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essay on advantages of arranged marriage

Arranged Marriages’ Advantages and Disadvantages

Welcome to our argumentative essay sample on arranged marriage: advantages and disadvantages. Here, you’ll find the disadvantages and advantages of arranged marriage, discussion, statistics, and other aspects of the debate.

Arranged Marriage: Essay Introduction

Arranged marriages in the modern society, arranged marriage advantages and disadvantages, advantages of arranged marriages, disadvantages of arranged marriages, arranged marriage: essay conclusion, works cited.

Arranged marriages were very popular in traditional societies across the world. Arranged marriage was considered the best way through which a man or woman of the right age could get the right life partner for the continuity of a given lineage. However, modernization and Westernization have changed this mindset about arranged marriages not only in Western countries but also in various parts of the world.

Inasmuch as arranged marriages are still common all over the world. Many people now prefer selecting their life partners through unarranged processes. The debate about the relevance of arranged marriages is still raging in various societies across the world.

The practice is still common among Muslim communities, but the current generation is very keen on selecting their life partners based on love other than through arranged processes. This does not mean that arranged marriages are non-existence in the modern society. According to Tseng (127), arranged marriages are still common in the current society. The researcher seeks to determine the benefits and shortcomings of having arranged marriages.

Arranged married were very common in past societies. Many factors made arranged marriages to be very important in traditional societies. Entezar (52) gives an example of a typical Muslim society in Saudi Arabia, where arranged marriages were very common in the past.

In this society, morality was highly valued. As children grew up, they had to understand and appreciate their identity. Boys had to grow up knowing that they would be heads of their families and had to work hard towards making their future life as good as they desired. On the other side, girls had to grow up knowing that they were responsible for household chores. They had to know how to prepare their homes and take care of their children.

At the adolescent stage, there were strict rules concerning the manner in which adolescent boys and girls were expected to interact. At this delicate stage of development, boys were not expected to mingle freely with girls (Lamanna and Riedmann 33). This was important because the elders knew that if this happened, then these teenagers might find themselves engaging in irresponsible behavior that may ruin the future of the girls. Society highly cherished the virginity of a woman at marriage, and this was one of the ways of protecting it.

In this kind of social setting, it was very difficult for young adults planning to marry to mingle with the members of the opposite sex so that they could understand each other and determine whether they were in love and could live together. This made it necessary for the parents or the society to arrange the marriages for their children.

With all the experience they had and knowledge about other families, parents could determine the appropriate life partner for their children. In most cases, they would conduct an investigation on the family and the man or woman who is planned to be the life partner of their children.

When they were satisfied, they would inform their children about the intended union. According to Roberts (78), although the two who were to be unionized were given the liberty to give their verdict over the issue, especially the man, they were expected to respect their parents’ opinion. However, rejecting a partner that the parents had approved was considered rude and unethical. For this reason, the parents’ decision would prevail, and the marriage would proceed with the blessings of parents from both sides.

The social structure of many communities around the world is changing very first due to the changes brought about by science and technology. It is common for an Emirati girl to travel to the United Kingdom or the United States at a tender age for further studies. Similarly, people from other parts of the world are flocking to the United Arab Emirates for various reasons, from tourism to trade. For instance, Dubai is currently one of the most diversified cities on earth because of its relevance as a strategic business hub.

As Tseng (43) puts it, the current society is a global village. The emergence of modern technologies and the relevance of the Western education system have redefined the social structure of society not only in the Middle East but also in the entire world. A child does not need to leave Abu Dhabi for the United States in order to be Westernized. The movies they watch and the music they listen to make them question some of the established systems in their traditional setting.

In the current society, it is not possible to prevent close interactions between adolescent girls and boys in Muslim communities. Parents have realized that the best gift they can give to their children is formal education, irrespective of their gender. For this reason, boys and girls will mingle freely at school.

They share classrooms, and sometimes, they are assigned tasks together. According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), teachers have been forced to bear the pressure from human rights activists who insist on giving both boys and girls equal opportunities at school. This involves treating them equally in every activity, especially at higher levels of learning.

In this highly integrated setting, young adults can get to understand each other. A young man planning to marry should know that different women behave differently. The same case will apply to a woman. She will know the kind of man she would want as a life partner. Entezar (39) calls this liberation. The education system liberates the mind of the younger generation from tight control from their parents.

They can look at the world from their own perspective to determine what they want in life. The main question that many people have been asking is the relevance of arranged marriages in the current liberated society. In the past, young adults would not mingle easily, and this made it difficult to choose the right life partner. In the current society, this has changed as the education system makes it possible for these people to interact very closely.

In the past, knowledge and wisdom were believed to rest with the elders, and their views were almost considered a sacred command that was not to be questioned, even if it was apparent that they were in error. In the current society, the younger populations have been liberated, and they have the capacity to advise the elders about the future.

Despite these facts, a number of people still find arranged marriages very important for the well-being of the couple and the community at large. At this stage, it will be important to analyze the benefits and shortcomings of arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages remain popular not only among Muslims but also in other societies around the world. According to Tseng (81), even in the West, it is common to see parents trying to influence the choice of life partners for their children.

This is an indication that even with all the education that their children may have and the westernizations- having been born and brought up in the West, the parents always have the feeling that their children could make a mistake when choosing their life partners. This creates a feeling that they should play a role in making this important choice. This is a strong suggestion that arranged marriages have benefits that should not be ignored.

One of the biggest advantages of arranged marriages is that the partners will have a perfect match when it comes to culture, religion, social status, lifestyle, and many other factors that always affect the compatibility of couples. As Browne (83) notes, basing marriage on love is great, but sometimes when love defines everything, then one would be blinded to some of the social incompatibilities that may make life difficult for the couple after marriage.

It will force the partners to make compromises, some of which may go against one’s own beliefs and customs. At the early stages of life, making such compromises may be simple because of the infatuation brought about by the feeling of love.

However, as the couple settles down in marriage, these realities start setting in, and it may cause serious strains in the relationship. Unless the couple is strong-willed and determined to make everything work in their favor, the marriage can be brought to an end after a short while. The following figure shows the rising cases of divorce in the UAE from 1960 to 2008.

Rates of Divorce from 1960 to 2008

This problem can easily be solved when the marriages are arranged. The people arranging the marriage will ensure that the couple is perfectly compatible before they can be allowed to marry.

It is a fact that in arranged marriages, the couple gets to benefit from the support they get from their parents and family members. When parents and members of the community are allowed to play a part in arranging the marriage, they will feel honored. They will take all the responsibilities in the entire marriage process. The parties who are getting into this union will be relieved of the financial burden that is involved in organizing the marriage.

Members of the community will ensure that all the expenses are addressed because it is their responsibility. All the tasks will be addressed from the communal level, meaning that the couple will get maximum support when organizing the wedding. The feeling that family members are happy with the marriage also has a positive psychological impact on the partners.

They will start life knowing that they have the full support of members of their communities. In such weddings, people will come and celebrate together as they witness the union. Given the fact that they were the organizers, make feel responsible. They will bring many gifts to help the couple start life without struggling much.

Marriages are designed to last forever, whether it is in the traditional setting or in modern Westernized society. When two people come together in marriage through the support of the parents and community members, they get a wide base of moral support whenever they have problems in their families.

Given the fact that members of the society organized their marriage, they have the moral authority to go back to them in case they are experiencing problems. Parents from both sides can be called to help solve the problem, and they will feel obliged to extend their help. The two will realize that their union is not limited to their family. Such unions bring together the entire community, and this minimizes the chances of divorce.

Every member of the community will try to help the couple work out their way in life, even in the face of challenges. The partners from both sides will also find themselves with a moral obligation to the community. They will know that their families and society cherish their marriage. This will make them determined to find solutions to the problems that may affect their marriage as a way of respecting their family members. In such unions, even children group up knowing the importance of love and family ties.

According to a survey conducted by Roberts (2), arranged marriages are becoming less common in modern society. This is so because people have come to realize that arranged marriages have a number of flaws that make them undesirable. Below are the results obtained from the survey in four countries about the attitude of members of society towards arranged marriages.

Attitude towards Arranged Marriages

From the statistics shown above, it is clear that most of the participants in this survey noted that they do not have favorable attitudes toward arranged marriages. They noted a number of factors that make them feel that arranged marriages are a practice that should not be encouraged in modern society. The following are some of the specific disadvantages of arranged marriages. According to Browne (73), in arranged marriages, the decision to choose one’s partner is taken away from one’s hands.

The elders have the sole discretion of choosing a life partner for an individual who plans to marry. Marriage is a complex process that involves bringing together two completely different individuals into a lifetime union. The personality of the life partner will define the quality of life one has.

Given the sensitivity of this issue, one should be allowed to take time to understand the other person who is supposed to be the life partner. This would require a long time of interaction, trying to understand the personality of the person to determine if a life together can be a personality. The opportunity is denied to people who engage in arranged marriages.

According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), in most cases, couples in arranged marriages find themselves in union with people who have contrasting personalities. It is important to appreciate that sharing religious beliefs, cultural practices, or social status may not necessarily make them compatible. The personalities of an individual may not be rigidly defined using demographical factors. Sometimes people of a completely different caste may find themselves more compatible than those that share their caste.

What makes the whole system very complex is the attachment that members of the family will have to that marriage. The two couples may be forced to stay together even if they find fundamental contrasts in their personalities simply because their parents and community members arranged their marriage. Such people will stay in their marriages because of the wish of their parents. As Entezar (67) notes, the marriage will cease to be blissful, and it will turn into a prison, as demonstrated in the figure below.

As demonstrated in the above figure, the partners will have more questions than answers in their union. Happiness will be gone, and in most cases, they will regret why they accepted the union in the first place. According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), love in arranged marriages takes a secondary position. The partners are not given time to bond and develop love towards each other before their marriage.

Those who are involved in arranging the marriage always assume that the two will develop an attraction and love towards each other once they are in a marriage. However, this fallacy should be avoided. Chances are high that if the two entered into a marriage without love, then they may spend their entire lives without loving each other.

Entezar (56) describes such unions as marriages of convenience. The parties involved in the marriage will not be doing it for their own sake and for the sake of love. They will be doing it for the sake of their parents. They will be trying to please people around them, disregarding the importance of a strong bond that is always created by love. This weakens the foundation of their marriage.

The research by Browne (47) shows that arranged marriages are vulnerable to interferences from external forces. When family members participate in bringing the couple together, they will develop a feeling that they have the right to define the way the family is run. Each of the family members will make an effort to define the way the couple will be leading their lives. In some cases, these family members may find themselves positions in the newly created family.

They will want to visit the new family at wish, and whenever they have a personal problem, they will demand help from the couple simply because they participated in bringing them together. As Tseng (112) says, such environments are not good for the growth of the new family. Sometimes the demands of these family members may be unrealistic. Such negative forces are uncommon when the couple makes their own decisions when marrying.

Arranged marriages are still commonly practiced in the modern society. It is clear from the above discussion that this form of marriage was more common in traditional societies than it is in the current society. However, even in the current society, it is clear that one cannot dismiss the relevance of arranged marriages.

These marriages help in bringing family members together when choosing a life partner. This research reveals that despite these advantages, arranged marriages also have shortcomings that should be considered before a family can subject one of their own to it. Based on this discussion, using a blend of arranged and unarranged marriages may be of great benefit to the members of the family and, most importantly, to the couple.

Browne, Ken. An Introduction to Sociology . Cambridge: Polity Press, 2011. Print.

Entezar, Eshan. Afghanistan 101: Understanding Afghan Culture . New Jersey: Xlibris Corporation, 2008. Print.

Lamanna, Mary, and Agnes. Riedmann. Marriages & Families: Making Choices and Facing Change . Belmont: Wadsworth, 2006. Print.

Roberts, Kathleen. Communication Ethics: Between Cosmopolitanism and Provinciality . New York: Lang, 2008. Print.

Tseng, Wen-Shing. Handbook of Cultural Psychiatry . San Diego: Academic Press, 2001. Print.

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Article Contents

I. introduction, ii. misunderstanding the arranged marriage, iii. understanding arranged marriage, iv. conclusion and suggestions for further research.

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Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution

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Naema N Tahir, Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution, International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family , Volume 35, Issue 1, 2021, ebab005, https://doi.org/10.1093/lawfam/ebab005

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This research asks one simple question, a question many studies on the arranged marriage omit to ask, namely “What exactly is the arranged marriage?” Author Naema Tahir, born and bred in the arranged marriage culture, but educated in the free-choice marriage culture, argues that much literature on the arranged marriage fails to offer full exploration of this traditional marital system. Instead, the arranged marriage is often analysed through the lens of the modern free choice marriage system. However, this is not a neutral lens. It considers the free choice marriage to be the ideal. As a result, the arranged marriage is perceived to be a “marriage of shortcomings”, one that fails to meet the standards of the free-choice marriage system. The author encourages readers to break this frame and offers a neutral perspective on this traditional marital system practised by billions around the world. Readers are invited to an in-depth and rigorous analysis of the foundations upon which the arranged marriage system rests. While this analysis zooms in on the case study of one particular focus group, the British Pakistani diaspora, it reveals broad insights into the arranged marriage system in general. This analysis highlights and critically examines social principles fundamental to the arranged marriage system and which are much misunderstood, such as hierarchy, patriarchy, collectivism, group loyalty and the role of parental and individual marital consent. The author argues that it is vital to first understand the traditional structures of the arranged marriage, before one can understand modernizing tendencies the arranged marriage system is currently undergoing. As such, this study hugely contributes to an unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns and is a valuable reading for those interested in marriage, marital systems and the future thereof.

There is a tendency in academic literature to view the arranged marriage from the lens of the autonomous marriage. In this literature the arranged marriage is compared in a binary to the autonomous marriage. 1 While a comparison of the arranged marriage to the autonomous marriage should be an unbiased one, the contrary is true. From this binary, both marital systems are not viewed neutrally. The autonomous marriage, thriving on individual choice, is perceived to be the ideal marital system, while the arranged marriage, supported by traditional kin authority, is not considered ideal. Resulting from this, the autonomous marriage sets the standards of an ideal marriage all marriages must aim for, including the arranged marriage. The arranged marriage is then measured by characteristics typical of the autonomous marriage system. However, the arranged marriage, even in its most modern manifestation, is not an autonomous marriage. Monitoring the arranged marriage as if it were or should be autonomous, emphasizes defects, deficits, lacunas in the arranged marriage on matters related to autonomy. Measured this way, the arranged marriage turns into something faulty. It becomes a marriage of shortcomings.

There is a necessity to study the arranged marriage on its own terms and not in a binary with the autonomous marriage. 2 This will enable judging the arranged marriage on the qualities and rewards it holds for its practitioners. At its core, this article hopes to contribute to an understanding of the arranged marriage from an unbiased lens.

This article is set up in three sections.

Section II will investigate biased understandings of the arranged marriage in more detail, by critically evaluating the binary approach in scholarly literature, illustrated further by a study of a variety of categorizations and close interpretation of definitions on the arranged marriage. Section II argues that in scholarly literature, the arranged marriage is framed as a lesser version of the ideal of autonomous conjugal union.

Section III will aim to construct a Weberian ideal type 3 of the traditional arranged marriage as a useful tool that offers neutral, unbiased insights into general features all arranged marriage systems, to varying degrees, share. The arranged marriage will be understood as a guardianship invested marital system, which is organized in a hierarchical, aristocratic manner, upheld by parental authority, group orientation and belonging. This section will provide a conceptual, theoretical analysis of the arranged marriage by drawing on literature that intersects between tradition and modernity, by leading scholars in the field. 4 Through this analysis a marital system will surface which is embedded in a cultural inherited belief that the young must be relieved of mate-selection which is perceived, not so much as a harmless liberty with mere individual impact, but as a burden that the strongest shoulders in the community must be bear, and as a choice that has broad implications for the family, extended family, and community.

Section IV will conclude as to how knowledge on the arranged marriage proper, as an aristocratic guardianship system, can be applied to the varied practices of changing patterns in arranged marriages, that include the increasing involvement of the young in mate-selection and marriage making. This section will also offer suggestions for further research.

This article will focus on analyses of conjugal practices of British immigrant Pakistanis residing in the UK, the largest Pakistani diaspora in the world that strongly upholds the arranged marriage system. While narrowing down the focus to one culture, norm and values will surface that typically underlie the arranged marriage system in general.

For this article, the following working definition of arranged marriage will be employed: marriage for which the mate selection is under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents and that aligns the families in a durable relational bond that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union. 5 The following working definition will be employed of the autonomous marriage: marriage for which the mate selection is undertaken by the marital agents, who base their selection on subjective criteria with the aim to align the agents in a durable relational conjugal union. 6

1. Biased Binary Approach

The so-called binary approach in the study or representation of the arranged marriage is much criticized in literature. 7 This binary is considered ‘liberal individualist’ 8 or Eurocentric. 9 Set in a binary with the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage is judged by the idealized standards of the autonomous marriage. That which is idealized is individual freedom and conjugal choice. Individualism is considered progressive, there is free choice and the freeing of individual potential. 10 The autonomous marriage elevates the individual who emancipated themselves and rose from the bonds of a history in which marriage choices were not left to solely the individuals. 11 Individuals assume that this transformation from ‘arranged marriages to love matches is progressive and “healthy” … the result should be happier marriages’. 12 Central to the autonomous marriage is the nuclear family, otherwise known as the conjugal or the atomistic family. 13 The dissolving of the extended family into the nuclear family is also seen as a marker of modernity and progress. 14 Modernity signifies improvement, including modernity in the way one marries. 15 Through modernization, arranged marriage will be replaced by self-chosen unions. 16 ‘[A]lthough Western ideas about the family are often opposed or resisted at first, many of these ideas are nevertheless adopted, often in modified forms, because the Western style family is so closely associated with development.’ 17 And while this theory may have its critics, 18 this article claims that it still holds ground as regards arranged marriage.

As suggested by the convergence theory and developmental paradigm, 19 the arranged marriage is held to the expectation that it will one day adapt to the Western ways, and advance into the autonomous marriage, as a sign of emancipation, of progress.

Until then, the arranged marriage appears lacking in those very features so particular of the autonomous marriage: free choice, individual energy, emphasis on the idiocentric conjugal union and the self-centred nuclear family. Literature magnifies those very features and puts the arranged marriage to the test: can it fulfil standards of full and free autonomy? Failing to do so turns the arranged marriage into something faulty. The arranged marriage culture is seen as ‘deficient’ and ‘deformed’. 20 It becomes the ‘other’. 21 ‘[T]he “Orient” is constructed and represented in the binary opposition against the Occident as the “Other”.’ 22 This binary distinction ‘[p]roblematically contributes to the discursive portrayal of arranged marriages as certainly less than and other to mainstream marriage practices’. 23

The social principles of individual freedom and autonomy are given much weight in perspectives on the arranged marriage. However, such principles are not neutral. They are ‘European values, assumptions, cultural codes’, are ‘culturally-determined and biased’, and offer ‘limited historical perspectives’, 24 providing a lens through which the arranged marriage is evaluated. There then, is a free-choice system at one end of the spectrum, a space that cannot be shared with the arranged marriage, for that is a parent-orchestrated endeavour and parents’ ‘subtle coercion has a tainting effect on the child's quality of choice’. 25 Thus emerges at the other end of the spectrum the not so free system called the arranged marriage.

Of course, the arranged marriage is certainly not considered a forced marriage in the studied literature—though media often equate the two. 26 However, literature on the arranged marriage frequently mentions forced unions and thus frequently connects arranged marriage to forced marriage. Besides, an overlap between arranged and forced marriage is often recognized and referred to as a ‘grey area’ with the potential of ‘slippage:’ the slightest increase of duress can lead the arranged marriage to ‘slip’ into a forced one. 27 The arranged marriage is always haunted by force.

The heightened attention to freedom and the lack thereof highlights consent, arguably the most important legal principle the arranged marriage is expected to prove. This consent must be full and free. 28 A recurring question in literature is whether arranged marriage supports full and free consent. 29 If consent is present, the union is considered an arranged marriage. Without consent the union is considered coerced. Consent separates arranged marriage from forced marriage. 30 This leads to a preoccupation in legal and policy discourse with the presence of consent and the absence of coercion in the arranged marriage. 31 The presence of consent and the absence of coercion determine the value of the arranged marriage. In essence, the arranged marriage is framed in yet another binary: that between consent versus coercion, a binary that is damaging and limiting. 32 The culture of the arranged marriage in itself becomes problematic. 33 This culture needs to prove constantly that there is no coercion involved. In addition, the binary is limiting in a different sense too. Consent, full and free is a human rights standard, 34 as well as a legal tool to declare the legitimacy of marriage as an uncoerced union. 35 Yet, consent as it operates in the law is given a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 36 As such, read in ‘plain language’ ‘only “free market” or choice marriages —a hallmark of Western societies—meet the “free and full” requirement because “there is nothing to prevent men and women from taking spouses which do not meet their families” approval’. 37

Arranged marriage contexts do not evolve around the freeing of individual energy. They are characterized by collective dynamisms with a particular ‘distribution of power and wider familial and community involvement’. 38 ‘The arranged marriage process, heavily reliant on parental and sometimes extended family input, fails to measure up to the requirements of free and full consent.’ 39 The attention given to full consent ignores that something given an individualistic bent is a strange bedfellow in a system that is not primarily or fully individualistic, nor aims to be. Consent is a universal principle which certainly has its place in the arranged marriage system. Yet, the language of consent in the discourse on arranged marriage is an expression of the ‘rational individual with free will’ 40 or the ‘free self’. 41 It is the language of an atomistic individual, of ‘an autonomous agent who is able to choose and act freely’. 42 This is not the language of a member deeply engrained in community belonging, duty, and purpose.

To reiterate, individual autonomy, including the right to consent, dictates the preoccupation in literature on arranged marriage. Notions such as agency, control, freedom to date, freedom to reject a selected candidate, negotiating power, the right of marital subjects to fall in love, choice and the freedom to self-select, receive profound consideration as a consequence.

In this regard, it is illustrative that arranged marriage is often categorized in types which reflect differing amounts of yet again this very notion of individual autonomy. There are three main types of categorization: traditional, semi-arranged, or love-arranged marriage types. 43 Arranged marriages earmarked as traditional are described as offering no or very little involvement by the young, 44 as if involvement or the lack thereof is the only feature of traditional arranged marriage. Semi-arranged or hybrid types, also known as joint-venture types, point to control shared by the elders and the young alike, 45 which again only emphasize this control as a shared element, as if nothing is of any relevance other than control . Finally, the love-arranged types are embodiments of near full individual control and individual love. 46 This categorization according to a ‘sliding scale of control’ 47 does not highlight what the arranged marriage in general is or what it offers, other than control, to those practising it. Some authors even reject ‘arranged’ as a word to describe this marital system, as this word suggests a lack of control. 48 Individual control has become a dominating feature by which arranged marriage is judged. But it is again agency and control towards more autonomy that academics are consumed with and not agency or autonomy towards more traditional features arranged marriage offers. Those are simply ignored or not sought for. Those remain irrelevant and underexamined.

There could only be one reason why social principles that are founded upon the philosophy of idiocentrism and the freeing of individual energy, are tirelessly sought in a system that thrives on allocentrism, group-belonging and honour for group loyalty. Arguably, the arranged marriage culture only seems to satisfy the Eurocentric mind if it contains the same recognizable ingredients as the autonomous marriage culture. And as it does not, the arranged marriage represents a lesser marital version than the prized autonomous marriage.

2. Biased Definitions of Arranged Marriage

The above bias is reflected in descriptions and definitions of the arranged marriage. Many descriptions or definitions only really offer information as to who selects the mate, eg ‘parent orchestrated alliances’, 49 or ‘marriages that are instigated by the family’, 50 or ‘arranged by family members or respected members in the religious or ethnic community’. 51 Other definitions view the arranged marriage from a biased Eurocentric appreciation. These definitions accentuate ‘individualizing tendencies’. 52

While there is nothing wrong with individuation and autonomy, especially if so desired by those involved in arranged marriages, 53 headlining these modern notions points to a Eurocentric domination as to how the arranged marriage ought to be valued. Simultaneously, such one-sided promotion undervalues notions that cannot be grouped under ‘individualizing tendencies’ and the freeing of individual energy.

A case in point are the following definitions. Arranged marriages are featured as those ‘in which the spouses are chosen for one another by third parties to the marriage such as parents or elder relatives’, 54 or ‘the partners to which are chosen by others , usually their parents’. 55 In these definitions elders are referred to as ‘third parties’ or ‘others’. These wordings seem innocent, yet they are not. They suggest that marital subjects are the ‘first parties’. This qualification is justified if marriage is perceived to be an alliance between individuals, which is the case in the autonomous marriage system. This qualification is not correct if marriage is seen as an alliance between (extended) families, which emerges in the arranged marriage system. 56 ‘ First ’ parties suggests a hierarchy above ‘ third ’ parties, which is not an attribute of the arranged marriage system where singular members of the group, in this case the marital agents, are not valued above the elders or generally above one’s group. Similarly, mentioning that ‘parents rather than. spouses’ or ‘two families rather than individuals’ 57 contract a marriage is again pointing to a Eurocentric preference for self-selection.

Other definitions amplify attention to the individual more explicitly. For example in the definition ‘marriage arranged by the families of the individuals’, 58 the individual is seen as a separate entity, while, as we shall learn in Section III, a ‘tradition directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual’. 59 Indeed, ‘[t]he ideology that underpins a South Asian “arranged” marriage is that obligations to one’s immediate and more extended family have priority over personal self-interest’. 60 Ignoring this, is judging the arranged marriage from a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 61 In the same vein, many definitions contain the words ‘control’, ‘agency’ ‘choice,’ which all emphasize individual autonomy as the standard and which in effect draw attention to arranged marriage as primarily a space where marital agents negotiate increasing amounts of individual control. Other definitions refer to this ‘control’ highlighting dominion and power, suggesting that the arranged marriage is a battlefield between the elders and the young: ‘Traditional arranged marriage placed considerable power in the hands of the parents, and in particularly the father’. 62 Or, ‘In “traditional” societies, parents or the extended family dominate marriage choices’. 63 The power difference referred to suggests there are two parties with opposing aims and interests, which again is not an insightful reflection of unified interests so characteristic of group cultures. Also, culture here is presented as merely problematic: a father’s or parent’s role is that of power or domination, with negative connotations, and not much else.

A third set of definitions emphasizes the changing and flexible arranged marriage types, especially towards offering more control to the individual. It seems as if the arranged marriage is trying to prove that it is very capable of accommodating modernity and is progressive and evolving, for it has choice, agency, room for dating and romance, or the right of marital agents to say ‘no’ at any stage of the arrangement. This latter is illustrated well by Ahmad’s words referring to marriage as a dynamic process: ‘a family-facilitated introduction of a potentially suitable matched prospective candidate followed by a managed pattern of courtship prior to a potential, and agreed to marriage’. 64 Her words seem to suggest that the only acceptable arranged marriage is a progressive arranged marriage, one that resembles the autonomous marriage.

Love too, when mentioned, generally suggests lovelessness in arranged marriage as opposed to true love in autonomous marriage. 65 Arranged marriages are contrasted to marriage where there is romantic love 66 or to ‘love marriages’ based on romantic attachment between the couple’. 67 Arranged marriages when ‘a couple validates its love choice to their respective families’ 68 would be termed love-arranged or western type marriages. One commonly held view is that love will (hopefully) grow in arranged marriage as time passes. 69 Reference to ‘marriage, then love’, 70 supports this theory. Or when ‘love is not forthcoming’ the couple ‘are increasingly supported to divorce … ’. 71 In these examples it is yet again the love between the spouses, primarily romantic, sensual love, or individual affection that is stressed, which again celebrates the love so typical in the autonomous marriage system. 72

Families that are not conjugal have valued ‘not affection, but duty, obligation, honour, mutual aid, and protection … ’. 73 Such love for family or culture or any type of gift-love 74 are hardly mentioned in descriptions of arranged marriage. Even when ‘companionate’ love features, the focus remains on the spouse’s companionship for one another, and not for any(thing) other. Arguably the Eurocentric perspective holds little regard for other loves than the romantic.

3. Evaluation of Biased Science on the Arranged Marriage

The manner in which the arranged marriage is described in the literature studied is a marker of recognizing the arranged marriage as worthwhile only in so far it mirrors the characteristics of the autonomous marriage system. The words employed to describe the arranged marriage reflect autonomy-related values, but exclude community-related values that are foundational to the arranged marriage system. The arranged marriage is thus undervalued for the fundamental characteristics upon which it rests. These are ignored, not understood, arguably misunderstood, if at all known. Set against the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage then becomes the other, deficient, deformed, a marriage of shortcomings, a marriage lacking in freedom and a marriage that is catching up and trying to prove it is not as traditional, thus not so backwards or rigid as analysts of the arranged marriage suggest.

The arranged marriage proper then remains a much understudied marital system and can only be understood by abandoning the binary approach and adopting a neutral lens. One needs ‘to turn the picture round’ as Tocqueville puts, in his eloquent study of aristocratic systems. 75 Such an aristocratic system is the arranged marriage, as we shall learn below.

As mentioned before, arranged marriages are frequently categorized in types, varying from traditional to hybrid to loosely arranged modern versions. They are frequently studied individually, through empirical research which offers a rich, complex, and varied analysis of arranged marriage practices, in diaspora communities, transnational communities as well as in communities and cultures around the world that are globalizing and are in transition. Yet, while all arranged marriages are arguably different, all do share a basic set of similarities. This section aims to bring these to the surface, drawing on sociology, so as to arrive at an ideal type of the arranged marriage.

The arranged marriage as an ideal type is a theoretical construct. 76 The ideal type emphasizes typical features of the arranged marriage, which all concrete individual arranged marriages share with one another and which are presented ‘into a unified analytical construct’. 77 As such the ideal type, ‘in its conceptual purity … cannot be found empirically anywhere in reality’. 78 ‘It is a utopia’. 79 Yet, it is a necessary tool to bring to the surface a neutral, unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage. It is also a ‘measuring rod’ 80 to measure the reality of cultural differences or change the arranged marriage system is constantly undergoing. 81

Before I proceed, it is vital to address academic opposition against the essentialization of the arranged marriage system. This essentialization is criticized as it captures the arranged marriage in a binary opposition with the autonomous marriage, idealizing the autonomous marriage and ‘othering’ the arranged marriage. This essentialization exaggerates cultural difference. 82 It portrays the arranged marriage as a rigid, static, unchanging, unnuanced system. 83 It ‘assumes the complete hold over the migrant of traditional gender and family norms by underscoring the foreignness of … arranged marriages’. 84 Authors opposing this essentialization are quick to point out that the arranged marriage is a dynamic and highly flexible system, that is able to accommodate change, modernization, individualizing tendencies, agency, romantic love and negotiating spaces, in which especially women assume more control in their endeavours to navigate around victimization by patriarchy. 85

What these scholars are in actual fact doing, unknowingly, is trying to exhibit to the Eurocentric mind evidence that the arranged marriage resembles the autonomous marriage. These authors demonstrate that the arranged marriage is very capable of upholding choice, agency, and control. These authors preoccupy themselves with bringing those qualities in the arranged marriage to the surface of their research. Sequentially, traditional features of this marital system remain understudied.

This section will not essentialize the arranged marriage system from a Eurocentric viewpoint for it desires not to repeat the othering of the arranged marriage. It will not try to prove that the arranged marriage is a flexible modern institution able to accommodate a constant flux of variety and diversity. As valuable as an investigation of that change may be, one cannot study the arranged marriage by studying how it absorbs constant flux. ‘[W]eber defines reality as an “infinite flux” which cannot be apprehended in its totality’. 86 One cannot apprehend arranged marriage on its fundamental shared characteristics if only the constant flux and change towards autonomy dominate academic engagement.

Despite being diverse and different on individual level, there are common qualities that make a marriage an arranged marriage and thus a largely unexamined ideal type of the arranged marriage will be examined in Section III of this article. The rich diversity between cultures, countries, social and economic classes, between religions and religious denominations, between those that have migrated and those that have not, as well as the constant evolution of the arranged marriage, will be left to the efforts of other scholars. 87

At its core, all arranged marriage cultures have marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All marriage arrangers are senior members of the family or community, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures value marriage to be arranged by these senior marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate selection to be not primarily the responsibility of the marital agents, whether they share this responsibility substantially or subtly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate-selection physically and mentally risky, shameful and burdensome for the young to be engaged in, whether the young engage themselves in such matters or not. Family is placed central to marriage in all arranged marriage cultures, as they all consider marriage an alliance between families, whether or not the marital agents emphasize their conjugal alliance above that of the family’s. All arranged marriages guard against an incoming candidate harming family unity or family interests. Objective reasons for marrying are always valued as these support aforementioned family unity and interests, regardless of whether there is room for individual desire and preference. Finally, all arranged marriages are voluntarily accepted by marital agents on the basis of legitimate parental guidance and authority.

As such, all arranged marriage cultures are hierarchical cultures, as they accord different roles and responsibilities to the elders and to the younger ones of a group; they are group cultures that strongly incorporate its members through loyalty to the group and its interests; they are all driven by parental guardianship and authority, rooted in protection, providence and voluntary compliance. These principles of community, hierarchy, guardianship and authority are foundational to the ‘way of life’ 88 of the arranged marriage system, and will be explained below.

1. Arranged Marriage is a Community Oriented System

Literature frequently makes reference to arranged marriage cultures as collectivist, community oriented, occurring in extended families, whether there is individualism or not. 89 Marriage concerns the whole family and families are characteristically extended with extended kinship ties. 90 Marriage choices ‘have a far-reaching impact upon … relatives, affecting the futures and socio-economic positions of a much wider range of kin than just parents and children’. 91 Beyond the conjugal alliance, marriage creates alliances between a variety of family-members. 92 ‘Strategic marriage choices enable social mobility even within the extended kinship network.’ 93 Fox argues that arranged marriage preserves family unity, ‘by felicitous selection of the new spouse’ which ‘allows for the furtherance of political linkages and/or economic consolidation between families … it helps keep families intact over generations; and … it preserves family property within the larger kin unit’. 94 Objective selection criteria are emblematic of the families’ desire to preserve a stable family. ‘Parents usually assess the reputation, economic standing and personalities of the potential in-laws and the educational level and occupation of the potential groom or bride.’ 95 The strong emphasis on pragmatic, unromantic reasons that guide mate-selection are considered wise: the new conjugal addition must suit family background and thus fit harmoniously into its organization. 96 As such, extended families remain strong in the social order. Less attention is paid therefore to subjective love. One learns that spousal love may come as martial time goes by. 97 This need not be romantic, it may as well be love in a ‘more all-encompassing sense’. 98 Typical of group cultures is that ‘[i]ndividual choice … may be constricted either through requiring that a person be bound by group decisions or by demanding that individuals follow the rules accompanying their station in life’. 99 The individual is ‘sacrificed’. 100 ‘The tradition-directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual.’ 101 He is a ‘collective being’ not a ‘particular being’. 102 But such sacrifice ‘is more than offset by the advantages of fulfilling one’s role within the family … ’. 103

2. Arranged Marriage is a Hierarchical System

The mere fact that marriage arranging requires some element of wisdom, experience and providence, suggests hierarchy. Not everyone is suited to make marriage choices, certainly not young children and this applies to all cultures, whether autonomous or arranged. In the latter culture, arranging marriages is a responsibility bestowed upon elders, mostly parents of the marital agents. 104 Elders, given their status and rank, are considered most able, equipped, wise and well connected to undertake the grave and delicate task of mate selection. It is their proper place to screen and select mates and it is the proper place of the young to trust and respect the judgment of the elders in this regard. Pande points to a case of a young woman called Shabnam appreciating this ‘proper place’ as she would never directly go up to her parents with her marriage wishes as ‘parents deserve their izzat ’ 105 (respect NT). And while elders are given the privilege of mate selection, they do not and may not select for their own benefit, but in the best interests and the good of the group, 106 into which are incorporated the interests and the good of the marital agents. 107

Arranged marriage cultures are thus hierarchical. 108 To understand arranged marriage, is to understand hierarchy. Yet, the social principle of hierarchy does not sit well with the Western mind. 109 The western mind views society from the lens of equality and freedom and hierarchical systems lack equality and freedom. Thus arranged marriage is rejected: it is a space where parents have the ‘power’ and upper hand and ‘dominate’ in marriage choices. 110 Arranged marriage becomes nothing more than a ‘chain of command’ 111 or a ‘power hierarchy’. 112 However, as Dumont argues, this is not true hierarchy. 113 To understand hierarchy one must ‘detach … from egalitarian societies’. 114 One must view hierarchical systems on its own merits, in an organic manner. 115

‘[H]ierarchy. comes from the very functional requirements of the social bond.’ 116 Literature offers the organism, a whole or the body as a metaphor to understand hierarchical systems. 117 Hierarchy is ‘the principle by which the elements of a whole are ranked in relation to the whole’. 118 The whole body and its parts are strongly bound together by rules, 119 social control, 120 and a common value system. 121 One accepts as necessary the rank order and the fulfilment of distinct obligations—without this the whole cannot function as it is supposed to function. 122 Decisions are taken by the most able in the interests of the whole and its parts. 123 The most able are the guardians and guardianship and hierarchy are strongly intertwined. 124

Families in arranged marriage cultures are organized hierarchically, with each member aware of its own and other’s status and social ranking, 125 with each member submitting to ‘group control’ and fulfilling ‘socially imposed roles’, 126 with each member keeping in one’s proper place, honouring order, 127 and subject to a ‘hierarchized interdependence’. 128 It is deeply understood that elders arrange marriages—it is their obligation to find matches from good families, and to exercise control as to who joins the family. 129 This applies whether or not they share this task with the marital agents. ‘From the viewpoint of many parents, arranging and seeing through your children’s marriages is a primary duty, to the extent that your role as a parent is unfulfilled until this duty is accomplished.’ 130 It is ‘a matter of great family honour.’ 131 It is a necessity too as ‘marriage normally confers the statuses of wife and husband, which have been and still are regarded in many societies as necessary to being seen as an adult rather than as a child’. 132 It is only through marriage that intimate life with a stranger turned into family is legitimate. So, the young depend on the patronage of the elders. 133 Amber, a twenty-four year old student ‘sought her parent’s intervention stating it was their ‘responsibility’. 134 Elders are not to abandon this role, nor to share it with the less qualified. They too are answerable to tradition and community. 135 But they are bound also, as good guardians and figures of authority, to choose wisely and in the best interest of the child. 136 Below a further exploration will be provided on guardianship, which is ‘a standard justification for hierarchical rule’ 137 and authority which too manifests itself through hierarchical relations. 138

3. Arranged Marriage is a System of Guardianship and Parental Authority

Arranged marriage cultures thrive on authority and entrusted leadership of guardians. Though literature never does, one could call arranged marriage a rule of guardians 139 or of parental authority or an aristocratic marital system. 140 In such a system ‘rulership should be entrusted to a minority of persons who are specially qualified to govern by reason of their superior knowledge and virtue’. 141 The entrusted uphold community values, such as ‘altruism, sacrifice, love … order, security, loyalty, duty’. 142 They govern as guardians, as figures of authority. 143 Traditionally, elders are the entrusted ones. 144 And the young honour their authority. 145 The arranged marriage of Manju and Jagdesh, both from Indian middle class families, offers a good example of these notions. 146 Manju, twenty-one years old at the time and Jagdesh, twenty three, were ‘both told that they would be a good match and should marry’ and soon after their agreement, the marriage took place. 147 Or the case of Saima, a 20-year old student who says that ‘my parents will obviously find the guy for me … I trust them for it … If they come out with a decent guy and say we’d like you to marry him, I’d say yes … ’. 148 In both examples parental authority occupies a central role in match making.

A. But what exactly is authority?

‘The need for authority is basic. Children need authorities to guide and reassure them. Adults fulfil an essential part of themselves in being authorities; it is one way of expressing care for others.’ 151

‘Deeply embedded in social functions, an inalienable part of the inner order of family … ritualized at every turn, authority is so closely woven into the fabric of tradition and morality … ’. 162 As such, traditional authority is embedded in arranged marriage cultures. It ‘roots in the belief that it is ancient’. 163 In arranged marriage cultures traditionally there is trust in parental leadership. 164 One is assured that parents know what is best for their child, as they know their child, sometimes even better than the child knows itself—they see through them. 165 This inspires obedience. 166

Parental authority is a necessary component in arranged marriage systems. Marriage affects a whole family’s stability and future, so marriage choices need to be supervised. 167 The young, inexperienced and not yet wise, are traditionally not considered well trained for this task, as they may be misguided by love. 168 So, arranged marriage societies isolate the young from potential mates. 169 In addition, social control, typical for group cultures, is applied to guard behaviour. 170 Young people can easily fall prey to romantic and sexual behaviour considered disruptive to the dignity and order of the family. 171 Here then arises the necessity for elders to authorize rational mate selection. 172 Of course, this does not exclude that young people may step out of their role. If they do, shame and dishonour may be brought to the family. 173 Such youngsters are considered deviants who must be blamed, heavily punished or re-educated. 174 As such being nourished by parental authority offers security, 175 and enables moral life. 176

4. Studying Arranged Marriage Practices

The idealized typology of the arranged marriage, as a Weberian theoretical construct, demonstrates that, at the outset, arranged marriage systems are traditionally systems of community, hierarchy, guardianship, and authority. So described, the arranged marriage finds its rationality in a system that safeguards mate selection by placing this under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents with the aim to align both families in a durable relational bond, that strengthens its economic and societal standing, and that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union.

This typology is an ideal construct, in the same way the autonomous marriage is also an ideal construct. Borrowing then from William Goode who arrived at an ideal type of the conjugal family, which was also seen as an ideal , the arranged marriage as typified above is also seen as an ideal in that a ‘number of people view some of its characteristics as proper and legitimate, no matter that reality may run counter to the ideal’. 177 Elders in arranged marriage contexts all around the world consider it an ideal to take upon themselves the role of proper guardians and authorities in marriage arranging, and children, in their turn, ideally accept the parental choice, understanding that this is wisely made, that it gains its majesty in legitimate authority. All around the world, this ideal is an inspirational reference point in arranged marriage cultures.

This said, of course reality does not always represent the ideal portrayed, however inspirational. Still, the value of the ideal and the ideal type remain: this construct, even if it is an utopia, is necessary as it provides a neutral and unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage, one that is detached from a restrictive binary approach that others the arranged marriage. The ideal construct serves also as a measuring rod to study the reality of arranged marriage practices that depart from that construct. It ‘[p]rovides the basic method of comparative study’. 178

Taking a look then into these realities, one will find that, for one, elders are not always capable of arranging marriages well. ‘The notion that parents will always act in the child’s best interests is … based on an idealized interpretation of the parent/child relationship and assumes that adults will be altruistic whenever they relate to children with love, care and empathy.’ 179 Elders may not always understand what guardianship truly entails. They may confuse parental authority with the exercise of parental power, force even.

In addition, elders continuously share marriage arranging duties with their children, as the variety of semi-arranged marriage types suggest. These hybrid arranged marriage types are expressions of transformations of marital agents’ role in exercising self-determination and self-realization in marriage matters. They also reflect the changes in traditional parenthood: where once it was the elders who decided for the collective, this is now scrutinized by marital agents’ desires for freedom to (also) decide. In the words of Aguiar ‘arranged marriage has become the locus of a set of liberal and communitarian discourses that articulate competing visions of individual and collective agency’. 180 This does not always run smoothly. Elders may not always believe that transitions towards freedom and individualism are proper. Families often act as buffers against ‘too much’ individualism that is perceived as an isolating and alienating force that disrupts family cohesion and hinders traditions to be passed on from generation to generation. Many, in arranged marriage cultures, parents as well as young people, are grappling with the blended agendas of the liberal and communitarian, of the individual and the collective that are shaping arranged marriage realities. A very sensitive portrayal of an intergenerational struggle in this regard can be seen in the drama film A Fond Kiss : protagonist Casim, son of Pakistani Muslim immigrants to the UK, asks his parents to accept his love choice for Roisin, a Catholic divorcee. In their turn, his parents, emotionally destroyed and shamed by Casim’s desires, plead to their son to accept an arranged marriage to his cousin Yasmin. This Casim refuses and the family breaks up. 181

As indicated earlier, the tendency is to view such realities from a Eurocentric lens, that prizes liberalism and equality, and that advocates the individual’s rise from traditional structures as a marker of sovereignty, supported by contract, geared towards independence and freedom from authority. 182

Again, such views monopolize examination of arranged marriage, are biased, ‘culturally-determined’ and entrenched in ‘limited historical perspectives’. 183 ‘Many people in this world have registers of well-being that are not the same as degrees of freedom, measures such as duty, devotion and responsibility.’ 184 Many people do not value, experience, nor desire full independence from parental authority.

Hybrid arranged marriages are in a sense partly separated from and partly belonging to traditional as well as liberal structures. It is vital to represent and express belonging to these traditional structures in the discourse on arranged marriage. It is important to acknowledge notions of guardianship, authority, and community when one measures change and modernization in arranged marriage realities, but also when one measures distancing from that very modernization in efforts to hold on to traditions.

The current tendency, when marital agents demand a stronger role in mate selection, is to capture this in a language of freedoms, control, agency and the rising individual. This language presupposes that marital agents’ main aim is to free oneself, become independent and ultimately exit the arranged marriage system. 185 It presupposes too that marital agents are very capable of acting independently of their parents. The fact of the matter is, that many marital agents are deeply connected to a system of parental guardianship and authority, they are hierarchically interdependent with family, they cherish strong belonging to their community and understand family cohesion as a necessary component of their family’s well-being in which their well-being is integrated. Marital agents granted or demanding a role in match making, challenge in essence (part of) the authority of parents, but do not act as fully atomistic units. When parents allow their child to jointly decide with them on marriage matters, this is articulated in literature mostly as a step that invests power in the child. However, this ought to also be valued as a sharing of parental authority or guardianship with the child. Adding authority and guardianship to the conversation on the arranged marriage gives rise to a language that relates to and represents community. For instance, why do some parents share their authority, why do others not? It might be possible that some parents deem their children disciplined enough to select wisely, pointing to the principle that ‘discipline is authority in operation?’ 186 It might be that some parents believe that their children can act as their own guardians, partly or in full, given that these children are educated and skilled in ways the elders are not? Might it be that in diaspora contexts elders are searching for new meaning to traditional concepts such as authority and guardianship and need a language to cope with this hybrid dynamic rather than a language that calls upon their children to exit anything traditional? Asking and addressing such questions will contribute to a discourse on arranged marriage that respects the very foundations it is built upon. It is knowledge about these foundations that is pivotal if we wish to understand the arranged marriage proper and change in that domain.

This article argued for a full renunciation of the binary approach adopted in literature in studying arranged marriage. In the binary approach, the arranged marriage emerges as a lesser conjugal union in comparison to the ideal and prized autonomous conjugal union. Recognizing that the arranged marriage must be valued on its own merits, this article sought for an ideal typical construct of the arranged marriage, as a neutral departure point in a study of this marital system and as a tool to explore arranged marriage realities. The arranged marriage is fundamentally rooted in the sociological principles of collective belonging, parental guardianship and the protective, provident authority of elders in match making. This article calls for a fresh discourse on arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns that reflect these principles in order to arrive at a much needed and understudied fuller appreciation and conversation of a marital system that engages hundreds of millions.

In order to be as impartial as humanly possible, this article does not offer personal opinions on or preferences for the arranged or the autonomous marriage. It is of fundamental importance that any scholar on the arranged marriage system (and many other subjects for that matter) is an unbiased scholar or at least strives to be. Neither advocacy of nor opposition to the arranged marriage, and neither advocacy of nor opposition to the autonomous marriage should enter a scholar’s theories and findings. A scholar’s role is not to express any preference for either system, it is not to value one system as better than the other, it is to become independent from any prejudice of one over the other

This article is based on, The Arranged Marriage – Changing Perspectives on a Marital Institution (Unpublished Dissertation Utrecht University) Utrecht, 2019.

Authors referring to this binary are eg F. Shariff, ‘Towards a Transformative Paradigm in the UK Response to Forced Marriages’ (2012) 21 (4) Social and Legal Studies 549–65; M. Aguiar, Arranging Marriage, Conjugal Agency in The South Asian Diaspora (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2018); R. Pande, ‘Geographies of Marriage and Migration: Arranged Marriages and South Asians in Britain’ (2014) 8 (2) Geography Compass 75–86; S. Anitha and A. Gill, ‘Coercion, Consent and the Forced Marriage Debate in the UK’ (2009) 17 Feminist Legal Studies 165–84; M. Khandelwal, ‘Arranging Love: Interrogating the Vantage Point in Cross-Border Feminism’ (2009) 34 (3) Signs 583–609; F. Ahmad, ‘Graduating Towards Marriage? Attitudes Towards Marriage and Relationships among University-educated British Muslim Women’ (2012) 13 Culture and Religion 193–210.

M. Weber, Gesammelte Aufsätze zur Wissenschafslehre (Tübingen: J.C.B. Mohr, 1988) p. 191.

Notably, H. Arendt, Between Past and Future (New York: Penguin Books, 1977); M. Douglas, ‘Cultural Bias’ in M. Douglas (ed.), The Active Voice (London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1982), as referred to by Thompson et al., Cultural Theory (Boulder, San Francisco: Westview Press, 1990); Thompson et al. ibid; M. Douglas, Risk and Blame (London, New York: Routledge, 1992); R.A. Dahl, Democracy and its Critics (New Have: Yale University, 1989); L. Dumont, Homo Hierarchicus (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980); R.A. Nisbet, The Quest for Community (California: ICS Press, 1990); R.A. Nisbet, The Sociological Tradition (London: Heinemann Educational Books Ltd, 1966); R. Sennett, Authority (New York: W.W. Norton, 1980).

For origins of the term ‘arranged marriage’ see Aguiar (n 1) 14.

‘Autonomous marriage’ is used in I.L. Reiss, Family Systems in America (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1976) as referred to by G.R. Lee and L. Hemphill Stone, ‘Mate-Selection Systems and Criteria: Variation according to Family Structure’ (1980) 42 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 319–26, 319.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1); Aguiar (n 1); Pande (n 1); Khandelwal (n 1).

Shariff (n 1) 556, on binary between consent and coercion.

Compare Ahmad (n 1) 194; see also Pande (n 1) 82; see also Aguiar (n 1) 14.

Nisbet 1990 (n 4) pp. 3–4; A.J. Cherlin, ‘Goode's “World Revolution and Family Patterns”: A Reconsideration at Fifty Years’ (2012) 38 (4) Population and Development Review 577–607, 580, 581; see for progress towards the atomistic family C.C. Zimmerman, Family and Civilization (Wilmington Delaware: ISI Books, 2008) pp. 124, 247–49; in general on progress see J.B. Bury, The Idea of Progress (New York: Cosimo Classics, 2008); R.A. Nisbet, History of the Idea of Progress (New York: Basic Book, Inc. Publishers, 1980); see also Arendt (n 4) 100, 101 on progress theory.

See S. Coontz, Marriage, a History, How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Penguin Group, 2005) p. 25; See for more on this evolution J. Witte Jr., From Sacrament to Contract , Marriage, Religion, and Law in the Western Tradition (Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 1997) pp. 194–215.

X. Xiaohe and M. King Whyte, ‘Love Matches and Arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication’ (1990) 52 (3) Journal of Marriage and the Family 709–22, 709.

See for these terms W.J. Goode, World Revolution and Family Patterns (New York: The Macmillan Company, 1970) p. 1, and Zimmerman (n 10) pp. 30–36.

A. Thornton, Reading History Sideways: The Fallacy and the Enduring Impact of the Developmental Paradigm on Family Life (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2005), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also, K. Allendorf and R.K. Pandian, ‘The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India’ (2016) 42 (3) Population and Development Review 435–464, 435.

Cherlin (n 10) 581.

Allendorf and Pandian (n 14) 435.

Thornton (n 14), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 593.

Cherlin (n 10) 594.

On the ‘convergence theory’, see Goode (n 13) and Cherlin (n 10); on ‘developmental paradigm’ see Thorntan (n 14) as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also A. Shaw, A Pakistani Community in Britain (Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1988) pp. 2, 3 on the expected disappearance of Pakistani migrants’ culture.

M. Enright, ‘Choice, Culture and the Politics of Belonging: The Emerging Law of Forced and Arranged Marriage’ (2009) 72 (3) The Modern Law Review 331–59, 338.

R. Pande, ‘Becoming Modern: British-Indian Discourses of Arranged Marriages’ (2016) 17 (3) Social & Cultural Geography 380–400, 384; see on consequence of ‘othering’ of migrants, Pande (n 1) 75; Shariff (n 1) 562.

E. Said, Orientalism (New York: Penguin, 1978) as referred to by S.R. Moosavinia et al, ‘Edward Said’s Orientalism and the Study of the Self and the Other in Orwell’s Burmese Days’ (2011) 2 (1) Studies in Literature and Language 103–13, 104.

Pande (n 21) 384.

Moosavinia et al, (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

P.J. Gagoomal, ‘A “Margin of Appreciation” for “Marriages of Appreciation”: Reconciling South Asian Adult Arranged Marriages with the Matrimonial Consent Requirement in International Human Rights Law’ (2009) 97 The Georgetown Law Journal 589–620, 601; compare Shariff (n 1) 557.

E.g.: ‘I fled in just the clothes I was wearing’: How one Muslim woman escaped arranged marriage, Mirror , 17 September 2012; L. Harding, ‘Student Saved from Arranged Marriage’, The Guardian , 14 March 2000, as referred to by R. Penn, ‘Arranged Marriages in Western Europe: Media Representations and Social Reality’ (2011) 42 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 637–50, 639, for more examples, see 639–41; see also Aguiar (n 1) 11, 12.

Enright (n 20) 332; Shariff (n 1) 557; Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; G. Gangoli et al, Forced Marriage and Domestic Violence among South Asian Communities in North East England (Bristol: University of Bristol, Northern Rock Foundation, 2006), as referred to by Anitha and Gill (n 1) 167.

Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), G.A. Res. 217A, (III), U.N. Doc A/810, 10 December 1948, Article 16 (2); International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), GA. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 23 (3); International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (ICESCR), G.A. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 10 (1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11–13, see also Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11, 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 13, 14; Shariff (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 338.

UDHR (n 28); ICCPR (n 28); ICESCR (n 28).

Aguiar (n 1) 13.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611.

R.W. Hodge and N. Ogawa, ‘Arranged Marriages, Assortative Mating and Achievement in Japan,’ in Nihon University Population Research Institute, Research Paper, Series No. 1986, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 601.

Shariff (n 1) 562; see also Anitha and Gill.

Shariff (n 1) 557.

Aguiar (n 1) 67; see also Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; see also Thompson et al, (n 4) 7 on the ‘individualistic social context’.

See for a slightly different categorization R.B. Qureshi, ‘Marriage Strategies among Muslims from South Asia’ 1991 10 (3) The American Journal of Islamic Social Sciences , as referred to by A.U. Zaidi and M. Shuraydi, ‘Perceptions of Arranged Marriages by Young Pakistani Muslim Women Living in a Western Society’ 2002 33 (4) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 495–514, 496.

Qureshi (n 43) as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; Gagoomal (n 25) 592; Cherlin (n 10) 589; see also for modified traditional types, Shariff (n 1) 558; H. Siddiqui, ‘Review: Winning Freedoms’ (1991) 37 Feminist Review 78, 81, as referred to by Enright (n 20) 340, ft 45; see also R. Pande, ‘I Arranged my Own Marriage': Arranged Marriages and Post-colonial Feminism’ (2015) 22 (2) Gender, Place & Culture 172–87, 175; S.P. Wakil et al, ‘Between Two Cultures: A Study in Socialization of Children of Immigrants’ (1981) 43 (4) Journal of Marriage and Family 929–40, 935; see also Ahmad (n 1).

Qureshi (n 43), as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; S.A. Patel, An Exploratory Study of Arranged-Love Marriage in Couples From Collective Cultures (Dissertation Northern Illinois University, Ann Arbor: ProQuest LLC) 2016, 10; J. Kapur, ‘An Arranged Love Marriage: India’s Neoliberal turn and the Bollywood Wedding Culture Industry’ (2009) 2 Communication, Culture, and Critique 221–33, as referred to by Patel 10; Cherlin (n 10) 590; Shariff (n 1) 558.

Shariff (n 1) 558; S. Seymour, Women, Family, and Child Care in India: A World in Transition (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1999) p. 212, as referred to by Kandelwal (n 1) 595; K. Kezuka, ‘Late Marriage and Transition from Arranged Marriages to Love Matches: A Search-theoretic Approach’ 2018 42 (2) The Journal of Mathematical Sociology 237–56, 237; N.D. Manglos-Weber and A.A. Weinreb, ‘Own-Choice Marriage and Fertility in Turkey’ (2017) 79 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 372–89, 373; Pande (n 21) 389.

Shariff (n 1) 558, who refers to M. Stopes-Roe and R. Cochrane, Citizens of this Country: The Asian-British (Clevedon: Multilingual Matters, 1990).

Ahmad (n 1) 195, 200; M.J. Bhatti, Questioning Empowerment: Pakistani Women, Higher Education & Marriage (Dissertation University at Buffalo, State University of New York, 2013) 153.

R. Huch, ‘Romantic Marriage’, in H. Keyserling ed., The Book of Marriage: A New Interpretation by Twenty-four Leaders of Contemporary thought (New York: Harcourt, Brace & Company, 1926) pp. 168, 177, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 607/n 112.

S. Davé, ‘Matchmakers and Cultural Compatibility: Arranged Marriage, South Asians, and American television’ (2012) 10 (2) South Asian Popular Culture 167–83, 168.

F.B. Ternikar, Revisioning the Ethnic Family: An Analysis of Marriage Patterns Among Hindu, Muslim, and Christian South Asian Immigrants (Dissertation, Chicago, Illinois, August 2004) 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 206, see also 207.

See among others Ahmad (n 1) and Aguiar (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 331, italics added.

Pande (n 21) 384, italics added, referring to the Oxford English Dictionary.

K. Charsley and A. Shaw, ‘South Asian Transnational Marriages in Comparative Perspective’ (2006) 6 (4) Global Networks 331–44, 335; Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; see also Penn (n 26) 637.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43), 496 (italics omitted).

D. Riesman et al, The Lonely Crowd: A Study of the American Changing Character (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1961) p. 17.

A. Shaw, ‘Kinship, Cultural Preference and Immigration: Consanguineous Marriage Among British Pakistanis’ (2001) 7 (2) Royal Anthropological Institute 315–34, 323.

G.W. Jones, Changing Marriage Patterns in Asia (Working Paper, Asia Research Institute, Series 131, 2010) 4.

P. Wood, ‘Marriage and Social Boundaries among British Pakistanis’ (2011) 20 (1) Diaspora 40–64, 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 200.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338; Khandelwal (n 1).

Davé (n 50) 167, 168.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338.

M. Aguiar, ‘Cultural Regeneration in Transnational South-Asian Popular Culture’ (2013) 84 Cultural Critique (2013) 181–214, 183.

Aguiar (n 1) 7.

A. Patel, ‘Marriage, then Love — Why Arranged Marriages Still Work Today,’ Global News , 26 July 2018.

K. Qureshi et al, ‘Marital Instability among British Pakistanis: Transnationality, Conjugalities and Islam’ (2014) 37 (2) Ethnic and Racial Studies 261–79, 276.

Pande (n 1) 75; for more on this love see K. Bejanyan et al, ‘Associations of Collectivism with Relationship Commitment, Passion, and Mate Preferences: Opposing Roles of Parental Influence and Family Allocentrism’ (2015) 10 (2) PLoS ONE 1–24, 3; Goode (n 13) 9, 12; Coontz (n 11) 149; Compare Zimmerman (n 10) 39.

R.A. Nisbet, Twilight of Authority (Indianapolis: Liberty Fund, Inc. 2000) 235.

C.S. Lewis, ‘The Four Loves’ in C.S. Lewis (ed.), Selected Books (London: Harper Collins, 1999) pp. 5, 15.

A. de Tocqueville, La Démocratie en Amérique (Paris: Gallimard, 1961, 2 vols.), English Translation by H. Reeve: Democracy in America (London: 1875) as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17.

Compare the ideal type of the conjugal family, Goode (n 13) 7.

Weber (n 3) 191, translation by H. Ross, Law as a Social Institution (Oxford: Hart Publishing, 2001) p. 34.

L.A. Coser, Masters of Sociological Thought (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1977) p. 223.

Compare Goode (n 13) 7.

Khandelwal (n 1) 584, 586, 605.

Ahmad (n 1) p. 194; Pande (n 21) p. 384; see also R. Mohammad, ‘Transnational Shift: Marriage, Home and belonging for British-Pakistani Muslim Women’ (2015) 16 (6) Social & Cultural Geography 593–614, 596.

Pande (n 44) 172, 183; Pande (n 21) 384.

Khandelwal (n 1); Ahmad (n 1); Pande (n 1); Mohammad (n 83); Pande (n 44) 181.

S.J. Hekman, Weber, the Ideal Type, and Contemporary Social Theory (New York: University of Notre Dame Press, 1983) p. 20.

For existing analyses on the topic, see Goode (n 13); D. Mace and V. Mace, Marriage East and West (London: Macgibbon and Kee, 1960); for marriages and caste in India, see Dumont (n 4); for Pakistani immigrants in Oxford and arranged marriages, see Shaw (n 19); see also Pande (n 45); Ahmad (n 1); Aguiar (n 1).

Thompson et al (n 4) 1.

See e.g. Aguiar (n 1) 15, 25, 139–44; G.L. Fox, ‘Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara, Turkey’ (1975) 37 (1) Journal of Marriage and Family 180–93, 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Kezuka (n 46).

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320: see also Mate selection theories, Encyclopaedia of Sociology, The Gale Group Inc., Encyclopedia.com: https://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/mateselection-theories (last visited 14 July 2019).

Shaw (n 60) 325.

See eg Goode (n 13) pp. 240, 241; R.O. Blood, The Family (New York: Free Press, 1972) pp. 293–96, as referred to by Fox (n 89) 187.

A. Shaw, ‘Drivers of Cousin Marriage among British Pakistanis’ (2014) 77 Human Heredity 26–36, 31.

Fox (n 89) 181.

Shaw (n 93) 31.

See also Fox (n 89) 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611; Lewis (n 74) 5, 15 in general on gift-love.

Thompson et al. (n 4) 6, referring to the grid-group analysis.

Tocqueville vol 2 (n 76) 90–92, as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17; Shaw (n 19) 6.

Riesman et al (n 59) 17.

Dumont (n 4) 7.

Shaw (n 19) 6, referring to immigrant Pakistanis.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Pande (n 44) 177.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320 see also Fox (n 89) 181.

See for various examples Gagoomal (n 25) 615, 617, 618.

G.P. Monger, Marriage Customs of the World: From Henna to Honeymoon (Santa Barbara, California: ABC-CLIO, 2004) 13.

Dumont (n 4) 2, 239, 19, 20; Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Jones (n 62) 4; Wood (n 63) 40–64, 41.

P. Crone, Pre-Industrial Societies (Oxford: Oneworld Publications, 2003) p. 99; Dumont (n 3) 19.

Dumont (n 4) 19.

Ibid., 17, 2.

Compare Crone (n 111) p. 104 on an organic view of society.

Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Dumont (n 4) 66, 240, 243, 244; Crone (n 111) pp. 99, 107; Thompson et al (n 4) 59.

Dumont (n 4) 66.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6.

Ibid., (n 4) 6.

T. Parsons, ‘A Revised Analytical Approach to the Theory of Social Stratification’ in R. Bendix et al (eds.), Class, Status and Power (London: Glencoe, 1954), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Dumont (n 4) 17–19; see in general on guardianship Dahl (n 4) 52–64, 73.

Parsons (n 121), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19, see also 239, 240.

Dahl (n 4) 52.

Monger (n 108) 13.

Crone (n 111) p. 105, who refers to pre-industrial societies and hierarchy.

Dumont (n 4) 18.

M. Shams Uddin, ‘Arranged Marriage: A Dilemma for Young British Asians’ (2006) 3 Diversity in Health and Social Care 211–19, 211; F.M. Critelli, ‘Between Law and Custom: Women, Family Law and Marriage in Pakistan’ (2012) 43 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 673–93, 677; Fox (n 90) 186,181.

Shaw (n 60) 324.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211.

G.R. Quale, ‘A history of marriage systems’ in Contributions in Family Studie s, Issue 13 (Westport, US: Greenwood press, 1988) 2.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18; see also Sennett (n 4) 126.

Ahmad (n 1) 201; in a similar vein see Mohammad (n 83) 603; see also Wakil et al (n 44) 936 on this responsibility.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18, 17.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II (London: Everyman’s Library, 1994) 196.

Arendt (n 4) 93.

On guardianship see Dahl (n 4) 52.

On aristocracy see Tocqueville II (n 76), see Dumont (n 4) p. 18.

See for an explanation on tradition and authority, M. Weber, The Theory of Social and Economic Organization , A.M. Henderson and T. Parsons (trans.), T. Parsons (ed.) (New York: Oxford University Press, 1947) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142.

Compare Pande (n 44) 177; Shams Uddin (n 129) 211; Ahmad (n 1) 201 on trust and respect for parents.

Gagoomal (n 25) 589, 590.

Ibid., 590.

Ahmad (n 1) 201.

Arendt (n 4) 92.

Sennett (n 4) 15; see also Arendt (n 4) 92.

Weber (n 144) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142; Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Arendt (n 4) 93, 103.

Sennett (n 4) 18; Arendt (n 4) 93.

Sennett (n 4) 15–22.

Sennett (n 4) 16.

Arendt (n 4) 111; Weber, as referred to by Sennet (n 4) 22.

Weber, without further reference, as referred to by Sennett (n 4) 22.

Derived from Sennett (n 4) 19.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 107, 108.

Ibid., 142.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211: Ahmad (n 3) 201.

MTV Documentary, True Life: I'm Having an Arranged Marriage , 2007, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 617; Pande (n 21) 387; Gagoomal (n 25) 615; see also Sennett (n 4) 17 on a conductor that sees through members of the orchestra.

Sennett (n 4) 17.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Fox (n 89) 181.

See W.J. Goode, ‘The Theoretical Importance of Love’ (1959) 24 (1) American Sociological Review 38–47, 43–46; compare also Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; H. Papanek, ‘Purdah in Pakistan: Seclusion and Modern Occupations for Women’ (1971) 33 (3) Journal of Marriage and Family 517–30, 520.

Goode (n 168) 43; Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Shams Uddin (n 129) 212.

See for more Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; Papanek (n 169) 520.

F. Bari, Country briefing paper: Women in Pakistan, Asian Development Bank July 2000. http://www.adb.org/Documents/Books/Country_Briefing_Papers/Women in Pakistan , as referred to by Critelli (n 129) 677; Shaw (n 60) 330; see also Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

Thompson et al (n 4) 59; see also in general on shame, N.P. Gilani, ‘Conflict Management of Mothers and Daughters Belonging to Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultural Backgrounds: A Comparative Study’ 1999 22 Journal of Adolescence 853–65, 854, 855; Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II , 298, 303, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 114.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 151.

Goode (n 13) 7.

Coser (n 80) 223.

C. Breen, Age Discrimination and Children’s Rights. Ensuring Equality and Acknowledging Difference (Leiden: Brill Nijhoff, 2006) as referred to by A. van Coller, ‘Child Marriage – Acceptance by Association’ (2017) 31 International Journal of Law, Policy and The Family 363–76, 369.

Aguiar (n 1) 215.

Film A Fond Kiss , Ken Loach 2004; see also the Film What Will People Say , Iram Haq 2017 on a similar intergenerational struggle between an immigrant Pakistani father and his daughter in Sweden.

Derived from Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 116.

Moosavinia et al (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

S. Mahmood, Politics of Piety: The Islamic Revival and the Feminist Subject (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2011), as referred to by Aguiar (n 1) 219.

For more on this exit see Anitha and Gill (n 3) 176–80; Shariff (n 3) 550, 551, 553, 561, 562.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 150.

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18 Arranged Marriages Advantages and Disadvantages

Arranged marriages were considered the standard way to organize a relationship for families until deep into the 18th century. These arrangements were usually created by a couple’s parents or grandparents to create a mutually beneficial coupling so that both families could maintain or improve their status in society. Unless there were specific exceptions permitted to avoid this tradition, many children knew before the age of 13 who it was that they were going to marry one day.

The United States was not immune to the process of creating arranged marriages. There were families creating these relationships well into the golden age of the 1950s, especially in the Japanese culture pockets found in the country. Some couples would only exchange pictures of one another until the day that they met, which will happen to be their wedding day.

We see a lot of individualism in today’s marriages because there is a higher standard of living typically available in the developed world. Some Orthodox families in the U.S. still practice this tradition today. For Fraidy Reiss and others like her living in Brooklyn, it would become a fight between her culture and the need to be safe since her husband was violent and abusive. She would eventually leave and never go back.

The advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages typically involve what occurs to the extended family more than the actual couple. Some people believe that love can come from any relationship, while others feel like destiny is going to bring them a soulmate one day. The truth for each person typically lies somewhere between these two extremes.

List of the Advantages of Arranged Marriages

1. It allows a couple to form a relationship on more than just emotion. Arranged marriages can sometimes have a foundation of emotion, but it isn’t just love that is the emphasis when a couple comes together. The formation of this relationship becomes more like a business partnership then a personal one. That’s not to say romantic love is not a priority for the individuals taking advantage of the structure. What many couples do in this situation is placed a priority on the actual partnership, and that they make the rest of the relationship work afterward.

This design won’t work out in instances like Reiss’s marriage when domestic abuse or violence in the home takes place. When both parties make a commitment to support one another, arranged marriages tend to have more stability for everyone to enjoy.

2. You can still find someone that you love with an arranged marriage. The idea that you cannot find love because our relationship is being created on your behalf is a perspective that comes from individualism. Societies which have high levels of wealth no longer have a need for this structure because a person can be successful without having someone by their side thanks to modern economic circumstances. Many people fall in love and have long marriages even though their parents or grandparents arranged them. Even when the final relationship feels more like a good friendship instead of intimate love, most people can fall into a niche that allows them to have a happy and fulfilling life.

3. Arranged marriages can reduce the levels of conflict in the home. 55% of the marriages that happen each year around the world are arranged in some way. That figure can be as high as 90% in some countries like India. Although there are concerns about underage girls being forced to marry men much older, the global divorce rate from these relationships is about five times lower than it is for couples to have a priority on their individualism.

This level of stability makes it much easier for the children produced by such a relationship to find themselves and pursue their dreams. Most arranged marriages create similarities in spirituality, education priorities, discipline, and home structure. Because the parents have already agreed on the structures through the arrangements made by their families, the home life tends to be happier for everyone.

4. It maintains the traditions of a family’s culture, ethnicity, ethics, and identity. When you look back at the person you were just five years ago, how many things in your life have changed? The reality of the modern world is that a person can change on a daily basis because of the amount of information we can access through the Internet. The amount of data that you receive in your email inbox every day is equal to what someone in the 19th century would consume on a weekly basis. That is why staying in touch with our heritage is becoming such a priority for Millennials and future generations.

Our ideas of a perfect relationship can change just as quickly. When an arranged marriage is what forms the foundation of the union, the partnership qualities of this coupling make it easier for families to adjust to one another. This structure helps everyone to stay routed to who they are and what they become when they are together as a family unit.

5. You create harmony within the structure of multiple family units. Brittany Wong wrote a piece in 2016 entitled, “9 Ways to Deal with a Mother-in-Law Who Feels more Like a Monster-in-Law.” She starts the piece by saying this: “Meddling in-laws can wreak absolute havoc on an otherwise healthy relationship – even if they mean well.” Deferring to this outside interference from a perspective of individualism can place a significant amount of stress on the relationship.

Because both families are involved in the selection process of an arranged marriage, this issue is rarely present. Instead of each generation being seen as its own entity, the young couple, their parents, and any married siblings are seen together as a single family unit.

6. Arranged marriages create a sense of togetherness. Family estrangement occurs frequently from the perspective of individualism because each person is looking to carve out their own success in the world. It is a problem that can result from direct interactions between those were affected that can include traumatic experiences, or it can be due to logistics like living far away and not having enough money to call home. Arranged marriages work hard to create a sense of togetherness because there is more than just love on the line if it fails. This business partnership is a reflection of both families. Everyone stays invested throughout the entire process when the approach is correct since there is so much on the line.

These families cannot afford to see a rift form that could last for years – if not generations. By keeping the parents involved (or the grandparents) with each step of the marriage, this structure can work to foster high levels of community success.

7. You eliminate the stress and expense of finding a life partner by yourself. The number of tools which are available today to help you find a life partner are almost countless. From dating websites to connection apps to the traditional methods of meeting someone at a bar, church, or a school function, there are plenty of ways to let destiny help you find your soulmate. The amount of stress that occurs during this process, especially if you need to break up with someone, can be enormous. Arranged marriages help to take this problem away entirely.

Families often work with one another when they come from a similar financial and social background. There is a desire to maintain the family culture and embrace the traditions of their ethnicity while still providing some freedoms for the couple to explore who they can become once the union is created. Because there is certainty with most of these arrangements, couples have more time to get to know each other while pursuing interests that are personally important without the stress of wondering who might really be the right one for them.

List of the Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

1. Arranged marriages create relationships that often lack trust. Some arranged marriages occur while the children are still in primary school, allowing them to discover a friendship as they grow up. Although some of these relationships are formed legally way too early, many cultures are shifting their traditions to allow for their children to get married once they become an adult. Times have changed, so the need to have children immediately is no longer present in many societies.

That set of circumstances is the perfect scenario. The reality of arranged marriages is that they tend to happen quickly, and without any input from at least the woman involved in the future relationship. When there is only a handful of days or a few weeks to get to know someone, then there is a pervasive lack of trust that exists in the marriage for an indefinite period.

2. It allows men to maintain control over the women in that society. The societies and cultures who still support arranged marriages typically take what we would consider to be a conservative or traditional view on family structures. Men are usually responsible for bringing home an income, while women are expected to maintain the home and raise the children according to the traditions and values that their father wants. This structure makes it challenging for a woman to leave if her husband is abusive because she has no support system. Unless her family is willing to step in to help, men typically receive more control in this partnership structure than women do.

3. There is an increased risk of mental health issues for people in an arranged marriage. Although there is a lower divorce rate and more stability found in the average arranged marriage compared to couples who “found” each other, these benefits come with extensive disadvantages. Many people find themselves trying to make a relationship work when they feel no attraction to the other person. There are circumstances where an individual might decide to stay quiet instead of speaking their mind because they want to protect themselves or their children.

When a person feels trapped in a relationship, whether it is arranged or not, then the amount of stress that they encounter every day is damaging to their health. Unless there are coping skills available, this disadvantage can increase the risk of depression and other mental health issues.

4. Arranged marriages can force someone to live with an individual they don’t know. Some arranged marriages encourage the couple to get to know each other in the days and weeks that lead up to the wedding. Then there are the cultures which do not permit any interaction until that special day. When a relationship falls into the latter category, then you are marrying someone that you don’t really know. Even in the best-case scenario, you have an idea of their physical appearance, but you have no way to judge how that person will be when there’s no one around but you to watch them.

From the perspective of an individualistic society, people want to find someone who will be the best friend. That is what the definition of a soulmate typically is without the structure of an arranged marriage. The alternative is that you are marrying a stranger who could become your best friend… Or they could become your worst enemy.

5. It makes love a secondary reason to get married. There are countless arranged marriages throughout history which have found success because the couple was able to discover a love for one another. It is ignorant to suggest that there is no emotion present in this situation. This disadvantage applies because love isn’t the top priority. Marriages are arranged for a purpose that benefits everyone else in the family instead of the couple.

If you find yourself in the situation, then your parents and grandparents care less about the idea of falling in love than they do about what the outcome will be with a successful marriage. When the families are getting along well and the relationship is mutually beneficial, then love becomes a third tier of importance. If one person falls in love and the other does not, then there can be an exceptional amount of misery in this relationship.

6. There are lower levels of personal accountability in an arranged marriage. When a couple gets married through the perspective of individualism, that each party is personally responsible for the success or failure of the arrangement. You choose to make things work with that person every day because there is no safety net. In an arranged marriage, there is a lack of accountability because the relationship is based on the family contract instead of a mutual love and respect for one another.

Neither party in an arranged marriage is responsible to the other. If the marriage doesn’t work out for some reason, then the couple can blame whomever created it in the first place. That is why you will often see large family groups together when this structure is the primary way to form relationships in a culture or society. When the blame rolls downhill, the families do their best to limit whatever damage could occur.

7. Arranged marriages can create feelings of alienation. During the final phases of an arranged marriage, it is not unusual for everyone in the family to want to leave a mark on the new relationship. For the couple who gets placed together, it can feel like this whirlwind is about everyone else except for them. Some families may not allow the bride or groom to have any say in what happens during the ceremony, the honeymoon, or even the initial days of the marriage. In this situation, the only job that each person has for the marriage is to show up to share their vows. It is a process that can make you feel like you’re going along on a ride that is out of control.

8. It takes away the process of courtship. This disadvantage does not always apply because some couples know well in advance that their families want them to get married. When there is enough notice for a bride and groom to get together before the wedding, then the process of courtship can occur. It is still not the same as what you would experience through the lens of individualism where every step of the process is under the control of the couple.

You don’t get to experience the ups and downs of love. There is no realization about the importance of an emotional connection or trying to get to know someone because that’s what you want to do. There are no opportunities to explore different personalities, preferences, or looks. You just need to do what you’re told to do with this form of a relationship.

9. This process limits personal choices. Arranged marriages often limit the choices that a couple has one selecting a life partner. The only way to change your life circumstances is to locate a family who is willing to let you “marry up.” Sometimes families even use the structure as a way to limit the outside influences of “undesired” genetics, cultures, or stereotypes from entering into their family structure. Imagine Christian parents creating a marriage to prevent their son from marrying someone who practices Islam or Sikh parents choosing a partner because they fear that societal discrimination won’t permit individualism and you’ve got an idea of how severe this disadvantage can be.

10. Arranged marriages place the burden on the woman in the relationship. Families in the developing world rarely have enough money to set aside anything for savings. The meager amount that they bring in from whatever employment they can find goes directly to the food that they need for survival. All of the sons in these traditional structures will often work because that means there is an additional income source for the family. When a daughter is born instead, then she becomes another mouth to feed – just like her mother. Because women are not given the same priority for education or employment, there are few ways to help everyone lift themselves out of poverty.

The only way to do so in many circumstances is to arrange a marriage so that the family can receive a stipend for the relationship. It becomes a transaction that is akin to sexual slavery or exploitation since intimacy is expected. When children are traded in such a way, the harm that they encounter can be indescribable.

11. It can increase the rates of child marriage in some countries. Children who are forced to get married under the age of 12 are unprepared for the choices that lie ahead for them. This practice is outlawed through much of the world, but poverty and desperation can cause it to be actively permitted in many global cultures. For many families, the arrangement of a child marriage is a choice between having food on the table for everyone or not having enough to stave off hunger. There are no good choices here. That is why it is up to the developed world to reach out to these communities, provide solutions, and offer a path out of poverty.

Conclusion of the Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages are seen as being beneficial or not based on the lens of society. People who come from a culture that emphasizes individualism will see this relationship structure in a very different light when compared to those who do not experience this freedom. With more than half of today’s marriages using this structure to expand the family, it is an issue that is not going to go away anytime soon.

The advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages show us that it is up to each family, and each individual, to decide what they want to have in life. Forced marriages may technically fall into an arranged category for some statistics, but anything that falls into the categories of exploitation, violence, or other forms of harm must be stopped. If the relationship is consensual, then who are we to judge how someone decides to find their definition of happiness?

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Arranged marriage: advantage and disadvantage.

essay on advantages of arranged marriage

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Arranged marriage is a type of marriage which is arranged by parents or some elderly members of the family. It is more in the nature of a marriage between the families and not individuals. The entire process of marriage is decided by the parents and the elders of the family. Usually in Hindu custom, the proposal for marriage comes from the girls’ side where as in the case of Christian and Muslim society it comes from the boys’ side.

It is up to the boy’s parents whether to accept or reject the proposal. Usually the proposal comes through a middle man or sometimes it may be negotiated directly. The boy’s parents and relatives come to see the girls, consider their family background and make an overall assessment. Sometimes the boys and the girls are not allowed to see each other and if the parents select the girl, they plan for an arranged marriage but now this practice is considered to be out dated. It has become quite indispensible to take the consent of both the bride and the bride groom in order to settle an arranged marriage.

This will no doubt ensure a better conjugal life. They are also allowed to see each others before marriage. Parents also consider their views and decision is taken accordingly. The date for engagement is fixed with everybody consent. The engagement may take place either in temple or at the girls’ residence or in any place suitable to both the parties.

Dowry and other demand are finally decided on the day of engagement. They exchange gifts like dress, gold ornaments and sweets as a token of love and friendship between the two families. A strong filial bond is established between two families. Arranged marriage has its own advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages:

(1) Arranged marriage is generally accepted in our society as it lends creditability and social recognition for a secured conjugal life. The entire responsibility of the marriage is undertaken by both the parents.

(2) In Laws adjustment is better in case of an arranged marriage.

(3) There is better inter-family relationship and it provides an opportunity for get together of relations.

(4) The family, relations and friends accept the marriage. They feel themselves responsible for any mistake during or immediately after marriage.

(5) In case of arranged marriage, the children are well looked after by the in-laws. They are taken proper care of and receive a lot love and affection from their grandparents even when their parents are away.

(6) In case of accidents or calamities, both the families share the burden to lessen the misfortune and make it easier for the couple to bear it. Arranged marriage ensures family support in all circumstances.

(7) In arranged marriage, it is easier to get financial assistance from parents at the time of need.

(8) It leads to good relationship among the parents and relations. The future prospect of the children is bright as they receive a lot of love and guidance from experienced hands.

Disadvantages:

(1) There is excessive expenditure and financial burden on the parents because they spend a lot to keep up their prestige.

(2) Dowry systems at times may lead to misunderstanding which may give rise to bitter consequences such as torture and bride burning in case of arranged marriage.

(3) It is difficult to adjust between the couple as they are not sufficiently aware of each other’s attitude and temperament.

(4) Sometimes due to high demand and dowry pressure, girls may not get married.

(5) It may create conflict between the families and the partners.

(6) Last but not the least if the marital relations of the young couple becomes unsuccessful, the parents may be blamed. Marriage continues to be a sacrament, if the partners have good understanding and compatibility to adjust to each other.

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20 Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage

An arranged marriage occurs when a couple embraces the legal bonds of matrimony because of the planning and agreement of their guardians or families. The bride and groom may have little say in the matter because their parents and extended relatives negotiate the relationship as if it were a business arrangement.

Although some people see this idea as a forced betrothal, many of the couples who come together in this way grew up together. They were childhood friends, or their families met often, and the relationship between the bride and groom could grow because there was more than blind emotion fueling the pairing.

It is imperative to remember that an arranged marriage is not a forced partnership. Different communities around the world force people together into a relationship they do not want for the betterment of the family or the culture. Couples who eventually get married through an arrangement usually meet each other and agree to a courtship facilitated by their family.

There are certainly some advantages to consider when a partner is chosen for you with an arranged marriage, but some disadvantages persist with this pairing even in the cultures that continue to practice it. These are the key points to review.

List of the Advantages of Arranged Marriage

1. You already know what the goal of the relationship is when you first start dating. There are many people who want the element of surprise in their romantic relationships, much like you can see on the silver screen. Having someone unexpectedly propose seems like it would be a magical moment. For those who have gone through an arranged marriage, there is an advantage to consider when skipping this perspective. When you have an idea that matrimony is the intent of the relationship, then everyone can be clear about their expectations from the start.

“Clear intentions are a fast track to intimate and deep conversation,” writes Huda Al-Marashi for Self, who has been in an arranged marriage for over 20 years, “and right away, we were able to talk openly about the issues that really matter in a relationship – compatibility, values, and goals.”

2. Sharing values and traditions means there is one less obstacle. When there is an arranged marriage, then there are fewer cultural differences to navigate as you progress toward being a long-term couple. If you meet someone independently, there could be religious, educational, and occupational barriers in the way. Something as simple as being Catholic vs. Protestant in the United States can create conflict in families based on where the ceremony will be held or how the children are raised.

“Not only were we raised with the same religion and traditions,” writes Al-Marashi, “but we both embraced them and wanted to carry them on… I have already lost so many of my family’s culture and traditions, and I appreciated having a spouse that can help me pass down as much of my heritage to my children as possible.

3. You can know what you want in a partner without the pain of past relationships. The Western dating scene means that you are under constant pressure to date numerous people to see what type of person you’d like to settle in with for a serious relationship. People constantly ask if that boyfriend or girlfriend is “the one.” It is not unusual for well-meaning friends to ask how someone can know that they’ll get married if they haven’t dated several others in the past. Men average six serious relationships, and women average five if they choose marriage independently.

“I do not doubt that the life experience gained from past relationships can teach us something about ourselves,” says Al-Marashi, “but that does not mean that there is less opportunity for self-discovery and growth from within a committed relationship.” She says that being with one partner doesn’t limit one’s path to self-knowledge – it’s just a different way to walk.

4. It eliminates the ambiguity of a relationship. Marriages in the West are often based on ambiguous feelings of which the average person is not under full control – especially at the beginning of a relationship. People will research reviews on restaurants, get advice about a vehicle, and solicit help when trying to pick a college or university, but fly by instinct when choosing the person with whom they might want to have children one day. An arranged marriage doesn’t rely on chemistry, sparks, or butterflies. Its foundation is pragmaticism.

5. There are many different kinds of love stories. It is not unusual for someone in an arranged marriage to wonder if they had been in love with their spouse before they tied the knot. There are so many different love stories that involve falling for a person at first sight. The reality of life is that everyone, in any culture, can choose to love and embrace their own story, even if their families help to write it. Some people might chase down their lover, but it may be far easier to have your closest allies help you locate the individual who might be right for you.

6. Your parents can offer supportive advice about the relationship. Our entertainment options today support the idea that having parents or guardians involved in the selection of a lifetime partner is a backwards idea that has outlived its usefulness. Matchmaking is not a process where someone needs to stand up to their culture in rebellion to marry the person they love. That is not the norm.

“Thankfully,” says Al-Marashi, “the most difficult thing about my mother’s role in choosing my partner was explaining it to my American friends.” Instead of looking for that perfect someone who shares all of your interests, an arranged marriage allows your family to discover that person who completes you.

7. Arranged marriages have less conflict in the home. Although this advantage of an arranged marriage is somewhat cultural, it is essential to point out that over half (55%) of the couples who enter into matrimony do so through this process. In the APAC region, some countries see rates of more than 90%. The global divorce rate from the relationships that form in this way is about five times lower than what it is in the West when individuals choose their life partner.

8. It creates a sense of unity when creating a home. Couples feel like they have someone who understands them at home in an arranged marriage because there is a sharing of culture and idealism at the foundation of their relationship. That means it doesn’t need to be an “us vs. them” world where each person must find their own path to walk while still trying to maintain their happiness with a partner. There is more unity at home because there is a lot more than an emotional reaction on the line if failure occurs. The families who bring their children together cannot afford to endure divisions that could last for several years.

Even if it can be uncomfortable at times, the advice from parents, grandparents, and siblings can create a more robust foundation for a couple during their first days of marriage. That means there is more stability available to them at home.

9. There is an effort at cooperation instead of meddling. Couples who find themselves independently often struggle with their family structures because someone disagrees with their selection of a partner. In-laws will offer advice that might be well-meaning in its intent, but it doesn’t take the entire relationship into account. There is a one-sidedness to the support where the person from “their” family receives the top priority.

In an arranged marriage, families work together more often. There is a shared sense of social responsibility and financial security. This work goes beyond the desire to maintain the family culture or embrace tradition. Instead of worrying about compatibility, a couple can work toward their best interests.

List of the Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage

1. Decisions are sometimes made using contradictions. A shared story on TheTalko recounts the tale of parents who were trying to partner their daughter with a man who worked in the United States. Although the initial contacts between the families went well, the relationship fell through because she didn’t wear glasses when video chatting with her potential husband’s family. By not wearing them during the initial contact, they felt like she was being deceptive because poor eyesight is seen as a weakness. If she were to wear contacts, then that would make her pretentious.

No one is perfect, yet there can be an expectation of perfection when partnering with someone in an arranged marriage. These relationships struggle to work because of that perspective.

2. There can be a lack of trust in the eventual relationship. This disadvantage occurs most often when the couple in question does not have time to meet with one another before the ceremony. Both individuals can enter into matrimony willingly so that it isn’t a forced marriage, but that doesn’t change the fact that there can be a lack of trust. Some people in this situation are forced into a place of intimacy with someone who is a complete stranger, yet they are also a spouse. That fact can make it a challenge to get the marriage started off on the right foot.

3. It gives men more of an opportunity to control the relationship. Many of the cultures that embrace the idea of an arranged marriage support the concept that the male is the leader of the household. This patriarchal viewpoint trickles down into every decision that the couple might make in the future. Women are given the role of providing children, making meals, and keeping the house clean according to the desires of their spouse. Because of this relationship structure, dependencies form where a woman cannot get away from an abusive partner because she is separated from any support systems.

Even her family might encourage staying in the marriage instead of leaving in an abusive situation because of the cultural implications a divorce would have on them.

4. This relationship eliminates the decision-making process for a courtship. Although an arranged marriage can help couples go beyond the get-to-know-you stage faster when establishing a courtship, this process is sometimes a step that creates an unwillingness. It may seem like there is a choice to participate, but the individual might be more fearful of the consequences they face if they choose to go their own way.

“I had to either be a good Afghan girl, who accepted whatever decision was made for me, or be a bad girl and leave,” Zarghuna Kargar told The Guardian. “Breaking an engagement was a big thing and I got scared. So, I decided, I’m a good Afghan girl, I’m going to do it the Afghan way, and we got married. The whole time it was a horrible feeling.”

5. It forces intimacy to be the cornerstone of relationship-building. When two people come together in an intimate moment, then it draws them closer because of the shared physical contact – when the experience is positive. If it is a forced, negative, or undesired moment, then it pushes people away from one another. Some cultures expect certain events to occur during this moment as well, such as bleeding to indicate that the bride is a virgin. If that expectation is not met, then the male distrusts the circumstances of their coupling, and can sometimes become abusive because of it.

6. The concept of love is set aside for the betterment of the family. Haritha Khandabattu had no desire to get married after she graduated from college. Her ambitions were to focus on her career, but the family had a different priority. It got to the point where her father would barely speak with her, so Khandabattu said that she relented. “I ended up marrying a man that I barely knew and didn’t love,” she told Humans of Amsterdam. “Honestly, I can’t remember my wedding day. From the start, we had no connection and it was very obvious that we both weren’t in love.

Khandabattu’s situation involved her in-laws wanting money. She was forced to give her salary to them. They even demanded that her father pay a dowry. After 18 months of trying, she just gave up, accepted a job in Amsterdam, and finalize the divorce against the wishes of her family.

7. It can be a relationship that involves children. Some cultures embrace the concept of an arranged marriage at an early age. This disadvantage can occur for kids as young as 12. Although this family structure may have been necessary in past human civilizations because of the shorter lifespans that people had, it is poverty and desperation that cause it today. Parents can talk their child into accepting a marriage because it helps their financial situation.

The United Nations defines any child marriage as one that is forced, but it is not always seen that way in the different cultures. If there is consent, even if it is manipulated by family circumstances, then this disadvantage applies. That is why you see numerous outreach efforts attempting to help relieve hunger and poverty around the world.

8. Women bear the responsibility of self-care from an early age. Men are seen as the moneymakers in many of the cultures where arranged marriages are a way of life. Women are seen as the caretakers. That means a daughter can become an expensive proposition, especially if a dowry becomes necessary to create a relationship. It is one of many reasons why some families skip the costs of education so that they can try to get paid through a family pairing. This money can then help the family pay for additional resources that can help them to survive.

This disadvantage means that the average woman is asked to carry the burden of self-responsibility from an early age. If she wants to learn how to read, then it may be up to her to determine how she can make that happen.

9. This action limits the personal choices that both parties can make. Arranged marriages often restrict the decisions that a couple has when choosing a partner. The only means to improve your living conditions is to discover a family who is amenable to let you “marry up.” Some families even use this arrangement as a way to curb the outside forces of “undesired” genetics, habits, or conventions from joining their family structure.

Imagine Christian parents creating a marriage to prevent their son from marrying someone who practices Islam. You could have Jewish parents arranging a partnership to stop a potential relationship with someone who is agnostic. Parents often pick companions because they worry that societal discrimination won’t sanction individualism.

10. It can take away courtship opportunities. Some relationships, such as the one that Al-Marashi describes, benefit from the arranged marriage process because there is time built into the schedule so that a meaningful courtship can occur. That opportunity does not present itself to every couple. Some brides and grooms know for years that their parents plan to match them with a specific individual. It forces each person to figure out how they can proceed with society’s desire to see them together.

There are specific learning experiences that the dating process can provide individuals even if some relationships end in heartache. You have fewer opportunities to form emotional connections, which can make it challenging to know if you have identified love. Instead of exploring at a pace that suits your needs, an arranged marriage forces you to form a specific partnership based on the desires of others.

11. This relationship can make spouses feel alienated in their own home. During the concluding stages of an arranged marriage, it is not unusual for everyone in the family to influence the relationship in specific ways for their personal needs. This disadvantage can feel like a hurricane because of an expectation for the couple to please everyone else. Some families may not even permit the bride or groom to have a say in what happens during the ceremony.

This disadvantage can apply to their honeymoon (if they get one), or even the first official days of the marriage. In this situation, the only job that each person has for the marriage is to show up to share their vows. It is a process that can make you feel like you’re going along on a ride that is out of control.

Verdict on the Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

There are many couples who are still writing their love story today because of an arranged marriage. When their families work together to create a matchmaking experience where the courtship process involves getting to know each other and laying ground rules for future expectations, then it can be a healthy experience for all parties. That’s one of the reasons why over half of all marital relationships come through this process.

Families can also use the arrangement process for their own financial wellbeing, sacrificing the needs of their children to create better living conditions for themselves.

That is why the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages must receive careful consideration at the individual level. If someone feels forced into this relationship, then the negatives of such a pairing are more likely to come out one day. If both parties feel like there is a way to make things work on multiple levels, then their partnership can be a rewarding experience.

E&C

30 Interesting Pros & Cons Of Arranged Marriages

“ I don’t think I will go for an arranged marriage, but I am not against arranged marriages.”

Ranbir Kapoor, Actor

Advantages & Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages

Arranged marriages are marriages in which not the couple, but rather their parents or other family members decide that the marriage should take place.

Arranged marriages have been quite popular in the past and even in our current age, there are some countries in which the concept of arranged marriages is still practiced today.

There are several pros and cons of arranged marriages which we will examine in detail in this article.

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Advantages of arranged marriages, people may match better, higher level of experience of parents, assurance of social status, financial security, cultural similarities of partners, rational rather than emotional decision, family connections are strengthened, similar ethics, religious fits, similar values, people may live in a happy bubble, avoidance of lovesickness, no stress to find a partner.

Since family members or other professional matchmakers choose a partner for the bride, there might be a higher chance that those people match with each other since they might share similar views on the world and might have the same goals in life.

Therefore, if experienced family members search for a suitable partner, the chances that the fit between the marriage couple will be quite decent might increase.

Since parents have much more life experience than their kids, they might also be better able to decide which partner might fit for their girl or their boy and which would not.

Hence, it could make sense that parents get involved in the decision process regarding potential life partners since they often know their children quite well and often know what’s good for them (or at least they think they do 😉 )

Arranged marriages often also have the advantage that they can assure a high social status.

For instance, in many countries, parents try to find a partner for their son or their daughter which has a high social status so that their children can marry up and have a higher social status themselves, which often also translates into a higher overall quality of life.

There is also a financial aspect when it comes to marriages.

Many marriages, especially arranged marriages, are not done due to love, but due to the fact that one partner wants to improve his or her wealth level.

This was the norm rather than the exception only one century ago and until now, the financial component related to marriages is quite important.

Another benefit of arranged marriages is that partners often have quite similar backgrounds and cultural values.

Most often, parents choose partners for their kids that have similar cultural values so that they will also fit well into the family.

Similar values also make it more likely that the marriage works out since there might be fewer conflicts between the partners in the long run.

In general, arranged marriages always come from a rational standpoint and emotions do not play a role at all. This can be regarded as either positive or negative.

The positive thing about rational decisions regarding marriage is that all the different aspects people are getting into are seen from an objective standpoint and also all the dangers can be evaluated better.

Therefore, arranged marriages may also lead to better decisions and to a better overall quality of life for the respective partners compared to marriages that are based on love and emotions rather than on hard facts.

Another upside of arranged marriages is that the connection between different families can be strengthened quite a lot.

In many cultures, the connections between families are quite important in all areas of daily life and good connections to family members may also be beneficial when it comes to future career prospects.

Arranged marriages make it also more likely that people have the same ethics since they often come from similar cultural backgrounds and have been taught the same things when they were young.

Thus, due to those similar ethical perspectives, the chances for a marriage that works out in the long run might be higher.

Arranged marriages may make it also more likely that people fit on a religious level.

Since parents will actively search for partners with similar backgrounds, the religious fit can be assured and therefore, it might also be more likely that partners get along with each other since they might share the same attitude towards religion and life in general.

In general, partners that met each other due to arranged marriages are quite likely to share similar values since their parents make sure that the value of the partner will fit the family values in order to assure a peaceful and harmonic coexistence.

Even though people who had been forced into arranged marriages will never have the opportunity to actively date other partners, they may still live in a certain kind of bubble.

Since they never experienced the fun of dating, they will also not know what they are missing out on and therefore, those people might live in a kind of happy bubble and might even be happier than without this arranged marriage construct.

Another advantage of arranged marriages is that people can also avoid feeling lovesickness.

Many people around the world may get quite broken due to a breakup with a partner and may suffer from serious emotional pain.

Yet, through arranged marriages, this problem will be gone since there will not be the opportunity to search for a partner and therefore, the possibility for lovesickness is also eliminated.

Finding a suitable partner might also be quite a challenge for many people all over the world.

Our expectations are often quite high and we will therefore often experience disappointments during the dating process.

In contrast, with an arranged marriage, there is no stress to find and to vet a partner since your parents or other matchmakers will do the job for you.

essay on advantages of arranged marriage

Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

Love is often not a factor, there may be no fit at all between partners, potential higher divorce rates, separation may be difficult, spouses may not trust each other, people may be quite unhappy, family problems, no room for personal choices, husband and wife may have no say, may promote gender inequality, people often don’t know what they are getting into, dating period may be missing in a couple’s life, emotional stress, lower life expectancy, confined level of freedom, child marriages, mental issues.

As we have seen before, arranged marriages can have some advantages.

Yet, there are several crucial problems related to forced marriages.

One downside of arranged marriages is that love will most often be not a factor at all.

Maybe partners may get along with each other, however, they will likely never have any kind of feeling for each other.

This can be considered as quite sad since many people marry since they have strong feelings for each other and really enjoy their time together and arranged marriages will not account for this important factor at all.

Even though there will likely not be love involved at all, people might still get along with each other.

Yet, in many arranged marriages, not even this will be the case.

Most often, this kind of bonding will turn out to be a real mess and partners will often have disputes.

After a certain while, some partners will often just resign and just fit into the wishes and demands of the other partner in order to avoid serious trouble.

Depending on the country and on the individual circumstances, arranged marriages might also lead to higher divorce rates.

Even if this is not the case, some partners may simply escape their marriage by traveling to foreign countries with hopes for a better life in order to get out of their misery.

Moreover, even if people stay in arranged marriages, many of them might not be happy at all.

It will often also be quite difficult to get out of an arranged marriage since families are often bonded quite tight together and if you want to leave a marriage, you will also have to cut all cords to all your family members.

This might be too painful for many partners and therefore, they often decide to stay in a marriage rather than to end it since they simply fear the consequences that would be applied by divorce.

In many cultures, divorce is also against religious beliefs and people who break up may have to fear from serious punishment.

Since they actually do not know each other before the marriage takes place, there might also be a significant lack of trust between partners in a marriage.

Hence, if partners do not trust each other, it might be quite difficult to maintain a working marriage since mistrust can destroy bonds between partners.

In general, people who are forced into arranged marriages may be much unhappier compared to people who were able to choose their partner by themselves since they might feel like all the freedom of choice had been taken away from them and they never had any influence on this important life decision.

Since partners are not able to choose whom they want to marry, arranged marriages often also lead to serious family problems.

Quite often, there is stress on a daily basis between partners, which may turn into serious disputes in the long run.

Yet, people might be too afraid to break up and to start a new life with a different partner and might still stay in their misery due to this high level of fear.

Personal choice regarding such important topics like marriage is considered to be a human right in many regions of our planet for an important reason.

However, in countries where arranged marriages are the norm, there is no room for personal choice and this important human right is often entirely taken away from people.

In fact, in arranged marriages, partners often have no say at all when it comes to choosing their future wife or husband. Instead, they often have to solely rely on matchmakers or on family members to make this important choice for them.

Even if they are not attracted to their future partner at all, people might simply have no choice other than to agree to the marriage in order to avoid serious trouble with their family members.

Another downside of arranged marriages is that they might also significantly contribute to gender inequality.

Women often have much fewer rights compared to men in those arranged marriages and therefore, they might literally get trapped in those arranged pair-bonding situations.

This may also lead to a state where women will not be allowed to get any sort of education and their lives may turn out into a mess due to that since they will always be dependent on their husbands, which is never a good idea since it leads to an imbalance of power in a relationship.

Even though many people think that complying with the rules of getting into an arranged marriage is the right thing to do since they are told to do so by their family and friends, those marriages tend to turn out into nightmares and people may realize too late what they have gotten into.

Therefore, people may also not be aware of the true consequences of those arranged marriages, which may lead to serious issues later on in their lives.

Many of us also really enjoy dating many different people until we find the partner that best fits our preferences.

However, it is only possible to decide who fits for us if we get experienced in dating.

Hence, if this experience is missing, plenty of fun is taken out of all of it and also, the chances for a misfit will become much higher.

Marrying and spending your life with the wrong partner may also imply plenty of emotional stress .

I could not even imagine living with a partner I don’t like too much and spending my entire life with such a person would make me feel quite sad.

This might also turn into plenty of emotional stress and other issues in the long run.

People in forced marriages might also suffer from a significantly lower life expectancy.

It has been proven by many studies that people who enjoy living with a partner will have significantly higher life expectancy than people who are miserable with their partners or who have no partner at all.

Therefore, arranged marriages may also do people no favor in terms of overall life expectancy.

Freedom is a valuable human right and the confinement of freedom through arranged marriages that should be considered to be quite problematic.

In fact, in my opinion, everything that takes away our freedom should be considered to be intolerable and only in a few rare cases, this confinement in freedom can be justified.

Therefore, since forced marriages take away the freedom of people, they should never be the norm.

Another issue with arranged marriages is that child marriages become much more likely.

Children get often married at a quite young age and will have no chance at all to escape this construct.

In turn, being a child for a certain period of time is simply taken away from those children, which may result in plenty of emotional problems in the long run.

There will also be plenty of mental issues related to arranged marriages.

Even though it can not be measured by studies since many people in forced marriages are simply too afraid to report their mental conditions and their misery to the outside world, it is estimated a high fraction of people in arranged marriages suffer from significant depression and other mental problems since they are often simply not able to deal with the fact that they basically have to waste their life solely to comply with the wishes of their families.

essay on advantages of arranged marriage

Top 10 Arranged Marriage Pros & Cons – Summary List

Do arranged marriages make sense.

Even though arranged marriages might have made sense centuries ago in order to secure the survival of a family, forced marriages should be considered to be a rather outdated social construct and in most cases, those arranged marriages do more harm than good in our current state of the world.

Therefore, it would be great if families all over the world abandon this social norm and let their children decide whom they want to marry in order to increase the overall level of happiness.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage

https://www.brides.com/story/modern-arranged-marriages

https://globalnews.ca/news/4320972/arranged-marriage/

essay on advantages of arranged marriage

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Arranged Marriage: Advantages & Disadvantages

Arranged Marriage: Advantages & Disadvantages

The article discusses the pros and cons of arranged marriages, which may come as a surprise to those who come from countries where falling in love is the path to marriage. One of the advantages of arranged marriages is finding a partner who is compatible ethnically, religiously, socially, and culturally. Arranged marriages tend to have a lower divorce rate than marriages based on romantic love, due to the close-knit cultural community and efforts to pair up couples with similar social standing and financial status. However, there are also significant negatives, such as the possibility of ending up with an unsuitable partner and cultural or religious pressure to stay in the marriage. Some cultures also use arranged marriages as a means to suppress women and child abuse. Despite these factors, most people prefer to experience the joys and potential heartaches of romantic love, indicating that arranged marriages will not be widely practiced in Western cultures.

Arranged marriages are prevalent in certain countries and cultures, encompassing both benefits and drawbacks. Although it may be unexpected for individuals living in societies where love forms the basis of marriage, they should acknowledge the advantages and disadvantages of arranged unions.

Arranged marriages are common in certain immigrant communities in Western countries. They serve as a means for individuals to discover a suitable partner who possesses their ethnic, religious, social, and cultural background. This is especially significant in communities that discourage assimilation, such as Greek expatriates or Orthodox Jews. Arranged marriages play a crucial role in maintaining the integrity of their faith and culture.

Despite potential drawbacks, arranged marriages often have a lower divorce rate compared to marriages based on romantic love. This can be attributed to factors such as cultural compatibility and the close-knit nature of arranged marriage cultures, which offer greater support to individuals and families in contrast to Western society.

Arranged marriages involve carefully matching couples based on their social standing and financial status, resulting in fewer arguments compared to couples who choose each other romantically. This also allows love to develop over time through shared challenges. However, it is crucial to recognize that arranged marriages have both positive and negative aspects.

Arranged marriages may lead to being trapped in an inappropriate relationship, with cultural or religious factors making it difficult to escape. The film A Price Above Rubies effectively showcases these obstacles by depicting arranged marriage within an Orthodox Jewish community. Some societies utilize arranged marriages as a means of suppressing women, compelling them to marry at a young age and preventing their independent development.

In certain cultures, like the polygamist sects in Western United States, arranged marriages have turned into a type of child abuse. It is important to consider this aspect when assessing the pros and cons of arranged marriages. The main disadvantage often mentioned is that modern individuals wish to experience the pleasures and potential pains of romantic love. Therefore, it seems improbable that arranged marriages will gain widespread acceptance in Western culture.

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Believe it or not, arranged marriages do last longer than loved ones. Arranged marriage is a marriage arranged by family members, usually the parents. In other words it is defined as a marriage where the marital partners are chosen by other, based on their considerations. Although an individual’s marriage is arranged by their family members but it reveals the dedication of two hearts, the marriage is successful and compared to love marriages the divorce rates are low. Despite of arranged marriages being set by family members, they can be more thriving, flourishing and long lasting compared to love marriages. To begin with, arranged marriage couples have the demand and desire to understand each other. In arranged marriages, love grows more by time for the couple, day by day. ‘Love is expected to grow as the spouses learn more about each other as the years go by’ (Myers, Madathil and Tingle, 2005). As a couple spends more time with each other the bond gets stronger. Therefore, understanding each other over a period time eventually will result in long lasting union. In arranged marriages, couples with different perspectives, ways of thinking and goals are committed to live together. ‘When you’re appreciative toward your spouse, he reciprocates’ (Seth, 2008). The partners in arranged marriages have a type of understanding where the couple spends time with each other to understand their needs and desires. Moreover, as the couple approaches to understand each other, this results in a western dating mode; where each partner tries to impress the other, in order to make the couple successful. In arranged marriages, the partners have the potential time to know each other well. They both try to adapt to each other’s culture and traditions with logic in order to keep the relation to last longer. By questioning rather than accepting traditional statements about the need to be together, the original collection both make us understood that what makes a couple and what deepens the appreciation for the human needs that coupling meets (Kimmel, 2002). As a matter of fact Kimmel states that questioning your spouse may lead to better understanding rather than expecting what it is and how it is. The more questions asked, the more the couple would understand each other. The arranged marriage couple tends to respect their partner’s culture and traditions. Therefore, this relationship results in a respectful relationship. Above all, couples in arranged marriages tend to spend more time with their partner to make their relationship long lasting, flourishing and passionate. Involvement of parents in arranges marriage is beneficial as they know their child’s desires more than anyone. One should marry someone whom their parents know very well. As parents raise up their child and they are aware of their child’s preference. The key consideration is that the potential mate should be situated with a set of relations who are known through prior association to another person in that effective network (Epstein 1961). As a matter of fact, parents ensure that what is right and what is wrong for their child. Therefore, approaching the decision of their child’s spouse, they are comprehensible and specific on their decision to ensure the right match for their child. Thus, leading towards the right partner for their lifetime, whereas in a love marriage, an individual may choose a wrong partner based on ‘want’ rather than their ‘needs.’ Secondly, the high degree of compatibility of parents’ help and support formulate the divorce rate in arranged marriages low. The globally average divorce rate on arranged marriages is 4% (UNICEF, Human Rights Council, ABC News, 2012). Divorce rates: Sweden-54.9%, US-54.8%, Russia-43.4%, UK-42.6%, Germany-39.4%, Israel-14.8%, Singapore-17.2%, Japan-1.9%, Srilanka-1.5% and India-1.1%. The aforementioned statistics conclude that the divorce rates are below 55%. In some countries such as India, the rates are low than expected. This is due to their family’s culture and religion. As religions play a vital role in countries like India, as their religion restricts them to perform divorce for the reason that divorce is looked down upon. Thus, their religion, leads the couples to compromise with each other, resulting in a low divorce rate. Lastly, arranged marriage does not only strengthen the bond between the couple but it also strengthens the religion and family bonding. If the relationship with family is strong, your heaven exists, otherwise your life is black and white (Aline, 2001). Furthermore, Aline shows the importance of the family bond. Arranged marriages are advantages towards family bonds, as a child trusts its parents’ choice. Whereas a love marriage without the parent’s content, breaks the family. Looking at aforementioned evidences, it is proven that arrange marriages decreases divorce rates and strengthens a family bonding. Arrange marriages have the benefit of being dedicated, liberal and compliant. A strong sense of commitment is the powerful advantage of an arranged marriage. Arranged marriage is based on mutual trust and understanding rather than just ‘love at first sight’ (Sahani, 2013).To clarify, the partners, therefore, tend to show love and respect towards each other rather than showing some other exterior sides. Commitment brings both of the partners together and the love eventually grows. At the same time, low expectations can play a huge role in arranged marriages which can lead to an unexpected successful marriage. In this case, the marriage works out well because the things aren’t as bad after all (Fox 1975). Low expectations lead to low disappointments. None of the partners know exactly what to expect from the other, so they are eventually happily surprised by what their marriage has become or has yet to become. Arranged marriage couples have the tendency to adjust with persistence and forbearance. Patience and tolerance is the key towards the success of one’s victorious end (Gandhi, 1948). Gandhi was a great man, who fought against the British individuals without being violent. As arranged marriage couples depict Gandhi’s act by accepting their spouse without any complaints. Additionally, they try to strengthen their bond by respecting and accepting each other. Consequently, arranged marriage couples have the tendency for acceptance, patience and moderation to strengthen their alliance. Even though arranged marriages have many disadvantages, it has many more advantages by which it creates a strong bond and the relationship lasts longer than loved ones. Alas, arranged marriage couples have the power to understand, accept and compromise with each other, in order to depict their parents’ respect and tradition. Compared to love marriages, arrange marriage have higher chances of being successful. Physical attraction can be blinding. Mutual trust and strong commitment are what are needed to make a strong bonding in the marriage. Without those components, relationships don’t last for long. Hence, along with mutual trust and strong commitment, love eventually grows which makes the arranged marriages last longer than love marriages. To begin with, arranged marriage couples have the demand and desire to understand each other. In arranged marriages, love grows more by time for the couple, day by day. ‘Love is expected to grow as the spouses learn more about each other as the years go by’ (Myers, Madathil and Tingle, 2005). As a couple spends more time with each other the bond gets stronger. Therefore, understanding each other over a period time eventually will result in long lasting union. In arranged marriages, couples with different perspectives, ways of thinking and goals are committed to live together. ‘When you’re appreciative toward your spouse, he reciprocates’ (Seth, 2008). The partners in arranged marriages have a type of understanding where the couple spends time with each other to understand their needs and desires. Moreover, as the couple approaches to understand each other, this results in a western dating mode; where each partner tries to impress the other, in order to make the couple successful. In arranged marriages, the partners have the potential time to know each other well. They both try to adapt to each other’s culture and traditions with logic in order to keep the relation to last longer. By questioning rather than accepting traditional statements about the need to be together, the original collection both make us understood that what makes a couple and what deepens the appreciation for the human needs that coupling meets (Kimmel, 2002). As a matter of fact Kimmel states that questioning your spouse may lead to better understanding rather than expecting what it is and how it is. The more questions asked, the more the couple would understand each other. The arranged marriage couple tends to respect their partner’s culture and traditions. Therefore, this relationship results in a respectful relationship. Above all, couples in arranged marriages tend to spend more time with their partner to make their relationship long lasting, flourishing and passionate. Involvement of parents in arranges marriage is beneficial as they know their child’s desires more than anyone. One should marry someone whom their parents know very well. As parents raise up their child and they are aware of their child’s preference. The key consideration is that the potential mate should be situated with a set of relations who are known through prior association to another person in that effective network (Epstein 1961). As a matter of fact, parents ensure that what is right and what is wrong for their child. Therefore, approaching the decision of their child’s spouse, they are comprehensible and specific on their decision to ensure the right match for their child. Thus, leading towards the right partner for their lifetime, whereas in a love marriage, an individual may choose a wrong partner based on ‘want’ rather than their ‘needs.’ Secondly, the high degree of compatibility of parents’ help and support formulate the divorce rate in arranged marriages low. The globally average divorce rate on arranged marriages is 4% (UNICEF, Human Rights Council, ABC News, 2012). Divorce rates: Sweden-54.9%, US-54.8%, Russia-43.4%, UK-42.6%, Germany-39.4%, Israel-14.8%, Singapore-17.2%, Japan-1.9%, Srilanka-1.5% and India-1.1%. The aforementioned statistics conclude that the divorce rates are below 55%. In some countries such as India, the rates are low than expected. This is due to their family’s culture and religion. As religions play a vital role in countries like India, as their religion restricts them to perform divorce for the reason that divorce is looked down upon. Thus, their religion, leads the couples to compromise with each other, resulting in a low divorce rate. Lastly, arranged marriage does not only strengthen the bond between the couple but it also strengthens the religion and family bonding. If the relationship with family is strong, your heaven exists, otherwise your life is black and white (Aline, 2001). Furthermore, Aline shows the importance of the family bond. Arranged marriages are advantages towards family bonds, as a child trusts its parents’ choice. Whereas a love marriage without the parent’s content, breaks the family. Looking at aforementioned evidences, it is proven that arrange marriages decreases divorce rates and strengthens a family bonding. Arrange marriages have the benefit of being dedicated, liberal and compliant. A strong sense of commitment is the powerful advantage of an arranged marriage. Arranged marriage is based on mutual trust and understanding rather than just ‘love at first sight’ (Sahani, 2013).To clarify, the partners, therefore, tend to show love and respect towards each other rather than showing some other exterior sides. Commitment brings both of the partners together and the love eventually grows. At the same time, low expectations can play a huge role in arranged marriages which can lead to an unexpected successful marriage. In this case, the marriage works out well because the things aren’t as bad after all (Fox 1975). Low expectations lead to low disappointments. None of the partners know exactly what to expect from the other, so they are eventually happily surprised by what their marriage has become or has yet to become. Arranged marriage couples have the tendency to adjust with persistence and forbearance. Patience and tolerance is the key towards the success of one’s victorious end (Gandhi, 1948). Gandhi was a great man, who fought against the British individuals without being violent. As arranged marriage couples depict Gandhi’s act by accepting their spouse without any complaints. Additionally, they try to strengthen their bond by respecting and accepting each other. Consequently, arranged marriage couples have the tendency for acceptance, patience and moderation to strengthen their alliance. Even though arranged marriages have many disadvantages, it has many more advantages by which it creates a strong bond and the relationship lasts longer than loved ones. Alas, arranged marriage couples have the power to understand, accept and compromise with each other, in order to depict their parents’ respect and tradition. Compared to love marriages, arrange marriage have higher chances of being successful. Physical attraction can be blinding. Mutual trust and strong commitment are what are needed to make a strong bonding in the marriage. Without those components, relationships don’t last for long. Hence, along with mutual trust and strong commitment, love eventually grows which makes the arranged marriages last longer than love marriages.

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Advantages And Disadvantages Of Arranged Marriages Essay

Love is one of the most important things in life, but some people are so scared to admit that they’re ready for a relationship that they hold themselves back. In this article, we’ll explore the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages so that you can make an informed, conscious choice on how you want to live your life.

What is an Arranged Marriage?

An arranged marriage is a type of marriage where the couple is not dating and does not know each other before the wedding. Arranged marriages are becoming less common, but they have some advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages of Arranged Marriage:

  • It can be a good way to meet someone you are compatible with.
  • It can be a way to jump start a relationship if you are not interested in dating.
  • It can be a way to get closer to your family if you don’t have any in your own country.
  • It can be a way to make sure that you have the same cultural background as your husband or wife.
  • You may find that an arranged marriage is more likely to last than a marriage that is not arranged.

Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages have been around for centuries, and while they may have their advantages, there are also disadvantages to consider. One major disadvantage is that couples who are chosen for an arranged marriage may not be compatible. Additionally, if the couple is not happy in the marriage, it can be difficult to get a divorce or end the relationship.

Additionally, arranged marriages can be quite expensive, and couples may not have the same financial backgrounds. What to Look for in an Arranged Marriage. Because arranged marriages can be difficult, it’s important that a couple looks into the alternatives and considers what they are looking for. A couple should discuss the pros and cons of each alternative before making their final decision. They may want to look into online dating before considering arranged marriage as an option.

Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage:

You may not be able to choose your spouse, which can be frustrating.

You may not get to know your spouse very well before the wedding, which can be difficult.

If something bad happens between you and your spouse after the wedding, it may be harder to fix things than if you had known each other better beforehand.

If you are unhappy with your spouse, it may be harder to leave them than if you had known each other better before the wedding. You may want to get married in a church or in a religious ceremony, and arranged marriages don’t always allow this.

Arranged marriages are not always successful; some studies show that they only last 20 years on average.

7. You may find that an arranged marriage is too hard to break up when you both change your mind about getting married again after being married for so long! Children of people who are arranged into marriage may have trouble trusting their parents if they feel like they didn’t get a say in when they got married, so they also may have trouble trusting their spouse.

Arranged marriages have been known to result in disastrous relationships, sometimes leading to divorce and heartache bad enough that people have committed suicide! The cost of arranging a marriage may be higher than if you looked for someone on your own.

Benefits of Arranged Marriages

If you are considering marrying someone you have never met, the arranged marriage may be for you. There are many benefits of arranged marriages, including cultural understanding and compatibility. Here are five advantages of arranged marriages:

  • Compatibility. The best way to find a compatible partner is through an arranged marriage. You will get to know each other better than if you meet through dating or mutual friends. This will make your relationship stronger and last longer.
  • Cultural understanding. An arranged marriage can help you learn about another culture. If you marry someone from a different country, you will have a deeper understanding of their lifestyle and customs. This can be a valuable asset in your life, especially if you want to live in a different country someday.
  • Familiarity and comfort. Meeting your future spouse through an arranged marriage will give you a familiarity and comfort that you cannot find on your own. You will know what to expect from the relationship and there will be no surprises or awkwardness.
  • Increased chances of a successful marriage. The likelihood of a successful marriage is higher when an arranged marriage is involved instead of a random one-night stand. When two people have been carefully chosen by their families, they have a better chance of making their relationship work.
  • Sense of self-worth. Your sense of self-worth will be greater when you marry someone with the same background as yours. If you are living in another country, you will feel that your family has the highest possible opinion of you and think highly of you as a person and a potential marriage partner.
  • Strong family ties. You won’t have to worry about creating new relations with your future spouse’s family because they will all be part of your own extended family, who will love and support you throughout the course of your marriage and provide for you in all aspects of life, especially if it is an arranged marriage!
  • More security on finances. Having an arranged marriage means your future husband/wife has been chosen by your parents. This means that he or she must be financially stable, and will therefore not waste resources on frivolous luxuries such as spending money on anything else than your family’s needs. Your parents will also be aware of how much money the groom’s family is willing to spend on you so they can negotiate the amount they want to pay for his/her daughter’s dowry accordingly.
  • Less chance of cheating or inappropriate behavior. Since marriage is determined by your parents and it is based on mutual interests, there is less opportunity for marital disharmony if both parties are in agreement with each other. In addition, a genuine love between two people cannot exist without proper understanding, which can only come from knowing the other person inside and out.
  • Embrace traditional values and family values by which people are raised. Marriage is not only about forever love, it is also a reflection of the moral standards in which your parents raised you. If you aren’t willing to adhere to these values today, then how can you expect him/her to do so tomorrow?
  • Assemble all family members for the wedding ceremony and celebration. This greatly increases your chances of having an enjoyable experience because everyone will be able to bond with each other and will become closer as a result of their intimate wedding day experience.

There are many advantages and disadvantages to arranged marriages, but the overall goal is usually to find a suitable partner who will make a positive impact on both parties. Some potential advantages of arranged marriages include: -The couple may be more compatible than if they met through dating or other means. -It can help prevent family conflict. -Arranged marriages often involve less money and stress than traditional ones. Disadvantages of arranged marriages include: -Some people may not feel comfortable with their chosen partner. -They may be less likely to meet someone they really love during an arranged marriage.

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Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage

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Advantages And Disadvantages Of Arranged Marriage

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Essay on Arranged Marriage

Students are often asked to write an essay on Arranged Marriage in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Arranged Marriage

Introduction.

Arranged marriage is a tradition where families choose the life partners for their children. It’s a practice common in many cultures worldwide.

Understanding Arranged Marriages

In arranged marriages, parents or elder family members select the spouse based on shared values, culture, and compatibility. It’s not about forcing children but about helping them find a suitable partner.

Benefits of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages often result in strong bonds as they bring two families together, not just individuals. They also ensure cultural continuity, and compatibility is often high.

Challenges in Arranged Marriages

Sometimes, individuals may feel pressured or unhappy if they don’t share a connection with the chosen partner. It’s important to ensure mutual consent in these marriages.

Also check:

  • Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage

250 Words Essay on Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriage, an age-old tradition practiced in several cultures worldwide, is a marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other. This essay explores the concept, its pros and cons, and the cultural significance of arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages are often confused with forced marriages, but there’s a clear distinction. Arranged marriages involve consent from both parties, while forced marriages don’t. In arranged marriages, families take the lead in choosing potential partners, but the final decision rests with the individuals.

The primary advantage of arranged marriages is compatibility in terms of culture, religion, and socioeconomic status, reducing potential conflicts. Moreover, arranged marriages often foster a deeper sense of family unity and commitment.

Disadvantages

However, arranged marriages have drawbacks. They often limit individual autonomy in choosing a life partner, potentially leading to marital dissatisfaction. Also, they can perpetuate harmful societal norms, such as casteism and sexism.

Cultural Significance

Despite these issues, arranged marriages remain prevalent due to their deep-rooted cultural significance. They symbolize the merging of two families rather than just two individuals and are seen as a means of preserving cultural heritage and values.

In conclusion, arranged marriages are a complex phenomenon, with both merits and demerits. While they can foster stability and cultural continuity, they can also limit personal freedom. As society evolves, so too does the concept of marriage, and it’s crucial to balance tradition with individual rights and happiness.

500 Words Essay on Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriages, a traditional form of matrimony where families or matchmakers select partners, have been practiced for centuries across various cultures. Despite the increasing shift towards love marriages, arranged marriages continue to hold significance in many societies. This essay explores the nuances, merits, and demerits of arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages are often misunderstood as forced marriages. However, they are fundamentally different. In arranged marriages, the consent of the individuals getting married is paramount. The families or matchmakers merely introduce the potential partners, and the final decision rests with the individuals. This practice is prevalent in many parts of Asia, Africa, and the Middle East and is deeply rooted in cultural, social, and economic contexts.

Merits of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages have several merits. They foster a sense of community and shared responsibility as the union is not just between two individuals but also their families. This can provide a strong support system for the couple, especially during challenging times.

Furthermore, arranged marriages often take into account compatibility in terms of social status, religion, caste, and economic background, which can lead to less conflict and more harmony. The partners enter the relationship with realistic expectations, understanding that love and affection develop over time.

Demerits of Arranged Marriages

However, arranged marriages have their share of criticisms. The most significant concern is the potential lack of freedom for the individuals involved. Often, societal and familial pressure can influence the decision, leading to a compromise on personal happiness and compatibility.

Additionally, the emphasis on social and economic compatibility might overshadow personal compatibility, leading to an unhappy marriage. The notion of love and affection developing over time might not always hold true, resulting in a lack of emotional intimacy.

Arranged Marriages in the Modern Context

In the modern context, arranged marriages are evolving. The advent of matrimonial websites and dating apps has transformed the traditional process into a more individual-centric one. These platforms allow individuals to have a say in choosing their partners while still considering important compatibility factors. This shift represents a blend of traditional values with modern aspirations, offering a new perspective on arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages are a complex phenomenon that cannot be wholly labelled as good or bad. They are deeply intertwined with cultural norms and societal structures. Their merits and demerits vary across different contexts, and they continue to evolve with societal changes. Understanding this complexity is essential in appreciating the relevance of arranged marriages in today’s world.

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The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India

Keera allendorf.

Department of Sociology, Indiana University, 1020 E. Kirkwood Ave Bloomington, IN 47405 (812)855-1540

Roshan K. Pandian

Department of Sociology, Indiana University

This article evaluates whether arranged marriage declined in India from 1970 to 2012. Specifically, the authors examine trends in spouse choice, the length of time spouses knew each other prior to marriage, intercaste marriage, and consanguineous marriage at the national level, as well as by region, urban residence, and religion/caste. During this period, women were increasingly active in choosing their own husbands, spouses meeting on their wedding day decreased, intercaste marriage rose, and consanguineous marriage fell. However, many of these changes were modest in size and substantial majorities of recent marriages still show the hallmarks of arranged marriage. Further, instead of displacing parents, young women increasingly worked with parents to choose husbands collectively. Rather than unilateral movement towards Western marriage practices, as suggested by theories of family change and found in other Asian contexts, these trends point to a hybridization of customary Western and Indian practices.

Modernization theory predicted that the great diversity of family behaviors found in non-Western countries would converge towards the Western nuclear model under the influence of industrialization and urbanization ( Adams 2010 ; Goode 1963 ; McDonald 1993 ). Following this prediction, arranged marriage – a practice found largely in Asia and Africa in which parents and other family members select their children’s spouses – was expected to be replaced by Western style marriage, in which young people choose their own spouses.

This predicted decline of arranged marriage is usually conceptualized as a change in spouse choice, but it also points to other marital changes. In arranged marriages, parents customarily choose a spouse based on the caste/ethnicity, religion, and social and economic standing of the prospective spouse and their family and there is little to no contact between the prospective spouses prior to marriage. In the Western model of marriage, young people choose their own spouses on the basis of individual compatibility or love, usually gained through interactions before marriage ( Macfarlane 1986 ; Thornton 2009 ). Thus, a decline of arranged marriage likely signals declines in the importance of ethnicity/caste, religion, and other aspects of the status of a prospective spouse and their family. It also implies increases in contact between prospective spouses before marriage and the importance of love or interpersonal compatibility.

Many predictions of family change found within modernization theory have been discredited, yet the theory continues to be influential. Non-western families have not uniformly converged towards the Western model and the Western nuclear family itself has undergone substantial changes in recent decades ( Cherlin 2012 ). Yet, in many places, some of the family changes predicted by modernization theory have occurred, including widespread increases in age at marriage and declines in fertility ( Bryant 2007 ; Ortega 2014 ; Raymo et al. 2015 ). Further, recent research on family change, including assessments of transitions from joint to nuclear families and early to late marital timing, is shaped by modernization theory ( Bongaarts and Zimmer 2002 ; Buttenheim and Nobles 2009 ; Niranjan, Nair and Roy 2005 ; Ruggles 2009 ).

A more recent theory of family change, developmental idealism theory, suggests that modernization theory itself is a driver of family change ( Thornton 2001 , 2005 ). According to developmental idealism theory, the values and beliefs found in modernization theory – including the valuation of Western family behaviors as good and modern and the beliefs that such behaviors are causes and consequences of development – have spread around the world. As people encounter and endorse these schemas, known collectively as developmental idealism, they increasingly adopt the Western family practices that match those schemas. Thus, while modernization theory points to economic drivers and developmental idealism highlights ideational forces, both predict the decline of arranged marriage.

An important first step in evaluating these theories relevance to marital change is establishing the extent to which arranged marriage has declined around the world. The existing empirical record suggests that parts of Asia and Africa have experienced substantial declines in arranged marriage. A small set of survey-based studies document declines in Kyrgyzstan ( Nedoluzhko and Agadjanian 2015 ), Nepal ( Axinn, Ghimire and Barber 2008 ; Ghimire et al. 2006 ), China ( Xu and Whyte 1990 ; Zang 2007 ), Taiwan ( Thornton, Chang and Lin 1994 ), Japan ( Retherford and Ogawa 2006 ), Indonesia ( Malhotra 1997 ), Malaysia ( Jones 1994 ), Sri Lanka ( Caldwell 1999 ), and Togo ( Meekers 1995 ). For example, in Japan, the percent of women who had an arranged marriage fell from 60% among those married in the late 1950s to nearly zero in the early 2000s ( Retherford and Ogawa 2006 :17). Similarly, in Togo, the percent of women who had an arranged marriage fell from 46% among those married in the 1960s to 24% among those married in the 1980s ( Meekers 1995 ). More broadly, ethnographic studies indicate that the valuation of love and choice, which are hallmarks of Western marriage, are increasingly salient to marriage in a wide range of settings ( Cole and Thomas 2009 ; Harkness and Khaled 2014 ; Hirsch 2003 ; Hirsch and Wardlow 2006 ; Marsden 2007 ; Rebhun 1999 ; Yan 2003 ).

However, it is difficult to rigorously evaluate the extent of change in arranged marriage at global, regional, and even national scales. Measures of spouse choice and related behaviors are not standardly included in nationally representative surveys, such as the Demographic and Health Surveys. In turn, there are many countries for which no data are available. Further, many of the studies listed above use samples that are representative of cities or other localities within countries. Thus, many of the trends documented with available data cannot be generalized to countries as a whole.

This article aims to contribute to the empirical record by assessing whether arranged marriage has declined in India. Specifically, we examine changes from 1970 to 2012 in spouse choice, intercaste marriage, consanguineous marriage, and the length of time spouses knew each other prior to marriage. We examine trends in each of these behaviors at the national level, but also investigate variation by region, urban residence, and religion/caste. To our knowledge, this is the first study to assess the extent of change in arranged marriage at the national level in India.

India is a profoundly important context for understanding trends in arranged marriage. The kinship system, particularly among Hindus in the North, is strongly tied to arranged marriage, which sustains the patrilineal and patrilocal family system and the caste system ( Karve 1965 ; Kolenda 1987 ). In fact, Jones (2010) classifies North India as the region that is most tied to arranged marriage in all of Asia. In addition to its theoretical relevance, the size of the population makes India a dominant force in broader regional and even global patterns. The Indian population numbers 1.3 billion, making it home to 18% of the world’s population ( United Nations 2015 ).

Research on India itself further points to the need for better understanding of marital trends. Many studies suggest that the institution of arranged marriage may be under threat or is at least perceived to be so. Apparent growth in what are known colloquially as “love marriages” are described in ethnographic studies from Haryana ( Chowdhry 2007 ), Delhi ( Mody 2008 ), West Bengal ( Allendorf 2013 ), Ladakh ( Aengst 2014 ), Gujarat ( Netting 2009 ), and Andhra Pradesh ( Still 2011 ). In summarizing a collection of marriage ethnographies, Kaur and Patliwala (2014 :9) conclude that “the articulated rules of partner selection have become muddied with the espousal of new ‘modern’ values of ‘love’ and ‘choice.’ Further, in keeping with developmental idealism theory, Uberoi (2006) notes that it is widely anticipated that arranged marriage will inevitably decline with India’s modernization. One Indian journalist was so convinced that the Indian family is growing to resemble the Western family that she travelled to Great Britain to witness there the supposed future of the Indian family up close ( Prasad 2006 ). Young people choosing their own spouses for love is also commonly depicted in the mass media and popular Bollywood movies ( Dwyer 2000 ; Uberoi 2006 ).

Other studies indicate that there are few, if any, changes in the dominance of arranged marriage in India. In an ethnography from Tamil Nadu, Fuller and Narasimhan (2008) suggest that the potential for interpersonal compatibility is now taken into account by parents when choosing spouses, but the broader practice of arranged marriage remains intact. In their classic article on the causes of marital change in South India, Caldwell and colleagues (1983) did not include a decline of arranged marriage among the titular changes, which instead comprised a growing surplus of brides, transition from bridewealth to dowry, and rise in women’s age at marriage. While they did describe a decline in consanguineous marriage at their fieldsite in Karnataka, they emphatically noted that “there is no claim of any decline in the significance of arranged marriage” ( Caldwell, Reddy and Caldwell 1982 :706). Most compellingly, less than 5% of women surveyed in the 2005 Indian Human Development Survey had the “primary role in choosing their husbands” ( Desai and Andrist 2010 :675). This measure of the stock of arranged marriages in 2005 does not directly assess the flow of arranged marriages in recent decades, but it does illustrate that arranged marriage must still be highly relevant in India.

Our data comprise the only source of nationally representative data on arranged marriage, the Indian Human Development Survey (IHDS). Specifically, we draw on both waves of the IHDS, the first collected in 2004–05 (IHDS-I) and the second in 2011–12 (IHDS-II) ( Desai et al. 2007 ; Desai, Vanneman, and NCAER 2015 ). Together, these two waves comprise a panel study. The IHDS-I sample comprised 41,554 households, 83% of which were re-interviewed in IHDS-II. IHDS-II covered 42,152 households, including original IHDS-I households, households that split from original households, and a replacement sample of an additional 2,134 households.

Retrospective reports of marriage were collected in both waves from ever married women aged 15–49 residing in the selected households. Our analytical sample comprises 46,010 of these women, including 32,280 interviewed in IHDS-I and 13,730 interviewed only in IHDS-II. Since higher order marriages are rare in India and can differ in important ways from first marriages, we restricted our analysis to first marriages to ensure that trends over time are unaffected by changes in the composition of the sample by marriage order. Thus, we dropped the 988 women who had been married more than once and whose marriage reports referred to higher order marriages. We also restricted our analysis to those married in 1970 or later, dropping 270 women who married before 1970. An additional 365 women were excluded from the analytical sample because they were missing information for key variables. We should also note that the variable denoting if women were related to their husband by blood was missing in 1,258 cases. Thus, our analytical sample is further limited to 44,752 women for consanguineous marriage.

The absence of men in the sample may present a bias for estimates of spouse choice and possibly intercaste marriage. Surveys from other parts of Asia show that women exercise lower levels of spouse choice than men ( Allendorf and Thornton 2015 ; Malhotra 1991 ). Ethnographic studies also suggest that men have more choice over their marriage in India as well ( Allendorf 2013 ; Caldwell et al. 1983 ). Thus, our results likely underestimate the amount of choice exercised by the population of women and men as a whole. The other behaviors we examine, namely intercaste marriage, consanguineous marriage, and how long spouses knew each other before marriage, should be couple-level characteristics. Thus, using only women’s reports should not present a bias for the other behaviors. However, in a survey in neighboring Nepal, women reported substantially lower levels of intercaste marriage than men ( Allendorf and Thornton 2015 ). If this finding is indicative of a broader regional pattern, the results presented here would also underestimate intercaste marriage.

Our measure of spouse choice is based on two questions. Women were first asked, “Who chose your husband?” with response options: 1) respondent herself, 2) respondent and parents/other relatives together, 3) parents or other relatives alone, or 4) other. Women who said their parents/other relatives alone chose their husband or chose the “other” option were also asked a yes or no, follow-up question: “Did you have any say in choosing him?” Using responses to both questions, we divided women’s choice spectrum into three categories. At one end of the spectrum are self-choice marriages, comprising all women in the “respondent herself” category for the first question. At the other end, are women who had no say in the choice, instead their parents (and/or others) chose their husbands by themselves. This category includes all women who said their parents/relatives or someone else chose their husband in the first question and said they had no say in response to the follow-up question. The third category includes all women between these extremes of choosing by themselves and having so say at all. This intermediate category includes the women who said that both they and their parents (or someone else) chose their husband together, as well as women who initially said that their parents (or someone else) chose, but when asked the follow-up question said they did have a say.

Our measure of length of acquaintanceship is taken verbatim from one question: “How long had you known your husband before you married him?” Response options included: 1) [met] on wedding or gauna (day of cohabitation) only, 2) less than one month, 3) more than one month, but less than one year, 4) more than one year, and 5) since childhood. We collapsed those who said “since childhood” into the “more than one year” category, but otherwise retained all response options.

It is important to note that there is ambiguity in this measure of length of acquaintanceship. We presume that most women interpreted “knowing” as meeting their (future) husband in person, but the interpretation may well have varied. As seen below, relatively large numbers of women reported meeting on their wedding day, even when they also said they chose their husbands by themselves. Thus, some women may have had more stringent interpretations of knowing, such as spending time in person without other people present or having some type of sustained contact. This ambiguity may also have been compounded by the translation of the questionnaire into several different languages; some languages may have had different implications for the meaning of “knowing.” It’s also possible that social desirability motivated some women to report meeting on their wedding day when they actually met earlier. Some evidence supporting this ambiguity and social desirability is found in the second round of the IHDS. In IHDS-II, women were also asked about additional contact with their (future) husband, including whether they had a chance to meet their husband before the marriage was fixed. Some responses to this question and the other question on how long they knew their husband before marriage appear to conflict. Specifically, 12% of the women who said they met on their wedding day, also said they did meet their husband before the marriage was fixed.

We should also emphasize that even if they did meet only on their wedding day, women may still have seen their husbands before marriage and had contact by email, letter, or phone. In the additional questions that appeared only in IHDS-II, women were asked whether they had talked on the phone, seen a photograph, or sent an email or internet chat before the marriage was fixed. Of those who said they met on their wedding day, 8% talked on the phone, 1% exchanged e-mail or internet chat, and 18% had seen his photo. Thus, some of the women who met on their wedding day may have developed feelings or expectations about their husband before marriage based on this type of contact.

Consanguineous marriage is the marriage of blood relatives. Thus, the measure is based on the question, “Are you related to your husband by blood?” All women who said yes are categorized as having a consanguineous marriage. Unlike the other marital behaviors we examine, consanguineous marriage is not customary across India. A preference for cross-cousin marriage, as well as marriage to uncles or other blood relatives, is only part of the southern kinship system ( Dyson and Moore 1983 ; Karve 1965 ; Trautman 1981 ). Conversely, in the North, a blood relative is customarily not an acceptable spouse.

The measure of intercaste marriage is women’s subjective assessment that the two castes are different. Specifically, all women who said “no” to: “Is your husband’s family the same caste ( jati ) as your natal family?” It’s important to note that assessments of whether two castes ( jatis ) are the same can and does vary across individuals ( Allendorf 2013 ; Beteille 1969 ). One person may say that two castes of similar origin and/or rank are the same, while another would say they are not. Thus, as noted above in the discussion of gender differences in Nepal, there is some ambiguity in this measure. Women may also under report intercaste marriage because of social desirability. These two limitations should work in opposite directions, however. We expect that women would take larger-grained views of caste for more recent marriages, which would reduce reporting of intercaste marriage for more recent marriages. At the same time, if the stigma of intercaste marriage is lessening over time and social desirability bias is declining, we would expect reporting of intercaste marriage to be higher for more recent marriages.

We measure change over time with marriage cohort. Specifically, we categorize women into four groups based on the calendar year in which their marriage took place, including 1970–79, 1980–89, 1990–99, and 2000–12. This approach can pose a truncation problem because survey data are limited to marriages experienced by women captured in the survey ( Thornton 1994 ). In a context like India, with a relatively young age at marriage, the earliest marriage cohorts are missing women who married at younger ages. We dropped the women who were married prior to 1970 to reduce this truncation. We also use marriage cohort, rather than birth cohort, because it is a better approximation of a period measure and is subject to less truncation. However, we present national level results for both birth and marital cohorts in an appendix .

Connections among Marital Behaviors

Before examining trends over time, we first investigate the connections between spouse choice and the other three marital behaviors. As described above, while arranged marriage is often conceptualized as spouse choice, it is connected to caste endogamy, consanguineous marriage (in some contexts), and interaction prior to marriage. If these behaviors are tightly connected, a change in one behavior would inevitably result in a corresponding change in another. Conversely, if they are only loosely related, then changes in one may lead to little or no change in another. Thus, understanding the connections among the marital behaviors informs understanding of marital trends.

The distribution of spouse choice by the length of time women were acquainted with their husbands prior to marriage appears in Figure 1 . As expected, women with more choice were acquainted with their husbands for longer periods of time. 42% of women who chose on their own met their husbands more than a year before marriage. In contrast, only 13% of women who chose jointly with their parents and 5% of women whose parents chose met their husbands more than a year prior to marriage. There are also striking differences between women who selected jointly with their parents and those who had no say in the intermediate categories. 88% of women whose parents alone chose met their husbands only on their wedding day, while 58% of women who chose jointly did so. Further, even over a third of women who chose by themselves only met on their wedding day. Thus, little to no interaction with husbands prior to marriage appears to be common among all women.

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Distribution of length of acquaintanceship by spouse choice

The distribution of intercaste and consanguineous marriage by spouse choice appears in Figure 2 . Spouse choice is closely connected to caste endogamy with self-choice marriages standing out markedly from the other two categories. 17% of self-chosen marriages are intercaste, while less than 5% of marriages in which parents were involved are intercaste. Thus, as expected, parents are much more likely than their daughters to follow the custom of caste endogamy when selecting husbands. Women may also be less likely to approach their parents for approval of a potential marriage when they have an intercaste partner.

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Distributions of intercaste and consanguineous marriage by spouse choice

Consanguineous marriage, on the other hand, does not show the expected pattern. We expected consanguineous marriage to be more common when parents chose husbands. However, women who chose husbands jointly with their parents are the most likely to be related to their husbands at 13% ( Figure 2 ). Only 5% of women whose parents chose and 11% of women who chose husbands by themselves are related to their husbands by blood. Thus, marriages in which women chose by themselves are more likely to be consanguineous than marriages in which parents alone selected the husband. We also examined whether the expected connection between spouse choice and consanguineous marriage did appear in the South, the only region where consanguineous marriage is customary. Even in the South, however, we did not find the expected pattern.

National Trends

Next, we use marriage cohort to examine national trends in the four marital behaviors. National trends in spouse choice appear in Figure 3 . Overall, there is a striking decline in parents alone choosing husbands for their daughters. The percent of marriages in which parents alone chose husbands fell from half in the 1970s to one-third in the 2000s. At the other extreme, self-choice marriages doubled from 3% in the 1970s to 6% in the 2000s, but remained rare in absolute terms. Instead of women choosing husbands on their own, the increasingly dominant pattern was for parents and daughters to both be involved in the selection. In the 1970s, 47% of women chose their husband jointly with their parents. Thus, at the beginning of the period, marriages in which parents alone chose outnumbered those in which women and their parents chose together. By the end of the period, however, joint selection was dominant, comprising two-thirds of marriages and outnumbering marriages in which parents alone chose by two to one.

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Spouse choice by marriage cohort

The trend in the length of time spouses knew each other prior to marriage appears in Figure 4 . As expected, women did know their husbands for longer periods in the more recent cohorts, but the extent of change is modest. The percent of marriages in which women met their husbands only on their wedding day declined by 10 percentage points from 74% in the 1970s to 64% in the 2000s. Thus, even in the most recent cohort, the majority of women had little to no interaction with their husbands before marriage. Further, there was no increase in women knowing their spouses for long periods of time. The percentage of women who met their husband more than a year before marriage remained stable at 10–12% across cohorts. Similarly, the percentage who knew their husbands less than a year, but more than a month, remained stable at 9–10%. The only category that increased over time is meeting husbands less than a month before marriage, which rose from 5% in the 1970s to 14% in the 2000s. Overall, there was movement from meeting on the wedding day itself to meeting a few days or weeks before the wedding, but lengthy acquaintanceships remained rare.

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Length of acquaintanceship by marriage cohort

Trends in consanguineous and intercaste marriage also show changes in the expected directions ( Figure 5 ). Consanguineous marriage declined by almost a third, from 12% in the 1970s to 9% in the 2000s. Conversely, intercaste marriage increased by nearly half, rising from 4% in the 1970s to 6% in the 2000s. However, like self-choice marriage, intercaste marriage shows a large relative change, but remained rare in absolute terms. Further, unlike consanguineous marriage, the trend in intercaste marriage was not constant throughout the period. Rather than consistently increasing, intercaste marriage held steady at 5% in 1980 and 1990.

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Consanguineous and intercaste marriage by marriage cohort

Regional Trends

India is a large and diverse country with variation in family behaviors and kinship systems across regions. Thus, understanding Indian marital trends requires going beyond the national level. Geographically, the most notable difference is the divide between the North and South ( Dyson and Moore 1983 ; Karve 1965 ; Kolenda 1987 ). As noted above, consanguineous marriage is only customary in the South, while exogamy is customary in the North. Further, in the North, sexual purity and the seclusion of women are more highly valued and practiced and the custom of arranged marriage is customarily stronger ( Jones 2010 ). The Northeast also differs markedly from the rest of India, but receives little attention due to its small population and peripheral location. The Northeast is inhabited by ethnic groups who have much in common with neighboring populations in Bhutan, Myanmar, and Southwestern China and the custom of arranged marriage is generally weaker there. It should also be noted, however, that there are indications that kinship practices have changed in recent decades and regional differences are breaking down ( Rahman and Rao 2004 ). Moreover, even when famously dividing India into North and South demographic regimes, Dyson and Moore (1983) were not sure where the borders were located.

To evaluate the extent of regional diversity, we examine marital trends across six regions. We divide states and union territories into North (n=14,783), Central (n=7,261), East (n=4,906), West (n=6,176), South (n=10,810), and Northeast (n=2,074). The North includes Jammu and Kashmir, Himachal Pradesh, Uttarakhand, Punjab, Haryana, Delhi, Uttar Pradesh, Bihar, and Jharkand. Central includes Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh, and Chhattisgarh. East comprises West Bengal and Orissa, while the West includes Gujarat, Goa, and Maharashtra. South includes Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh, Tamil Nadu and Kerala. Finally, the Northeast includes Sikkim, Arunachal Pradesh, Nagaland, Manipur, Mizoram, Tripura, Meghalaya, and Assam.

A limitation of this analysis is that a few marriages may be categorized into the wrong region. Ideally, marriages should be matched to the region where the wedding took place or where the bride and/or groom were living at the time of marriage. However, we only observe the region in which the woman resided at the time of the survey, which is several years after marriage in many cases. Thus, the marriages of women who migrated across regions in the period between marriage and the survey are misclassified. We expect that this limitation should only present a slight error. While it is common for women to migrate for marriage, it is rare for them to migrate across regions after marriage ( Rao and Finnoff 2015 ).

Spouse choice

Every region shows a decline in parental control, but the extent of decline, as well as initial levels, differs dramatically across regions ( Figure 6 ). The North and Central regions stand out with high and declining parental control. Marriages in which parents alone chose comprise a dominant majority in the 1970s in these regions, at 72% and 66% respectively, and retain their majority status until the 2000s. Among the most recent cohort, choosing jointly rises substantially to roughly half of marriages, edging out those that are fully parentally controlled in the Central region and reaching parity in the North. Self-chosen marriages are also extremely rare. Self-choice marriages comprising less than 4% of marriages across the period, although there is a small rise in the 2000s.

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Spouse choice by marriage cohort and region

The South and Northeast have substantially lower levels of parental control and greater continuity over time, but still show substantial change. In these regions, marriages in which only parents only chose the husband comprised just over 15% of the total in the 1970s and fell by roughly half by the 2000s. Marriages in which parents and daughters choose jointly were the dominant majority throughout the period, comprising over 80% of marriages in the South and 60–70% of marriages in the Northeast. There is a striking difference in self-choice marriages between the South and Northeast however. In the South, self-choice marriages match the national trend of a large relative change, but consistently low absolute levels. The Northeast, on the other hand, stands out as the only region with a sizeable percentage of self-choice marriages, rising from 15% in the 1970s to 34% in the 2000s.

The trends for the East and West are in-between these extremes. Like the South, jointly chosen marriages comprise the majority across cohorts in these regions. The level of self-choice marriages is also similar overall to that of the South. However, the East shows a comparatively dramatic rise in self-choice marriages, tripling from 3% to 12%, while the West is stable at around 5%.

Other Marriage Behaviors

Next, we examine regional variation in the length of acquaintanceship. To ease comparison across regions, we examine only one indicator: the percent of women who reported meeting their husbands on their wedding day ( Figure 7 ). We chose this category because it represents an extreme end of the spectrum and includes the majority of women at the national level. We should again note, however, that even if they met on their wedding day, women may still have communicated with and seen their husbands before marriage.

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Length of acquaintanceship, consanguineous marriage, and intercaste marriage by marriage cohort and region

The trends in acquaintanceship show greater homogeneity across regions than spouse choice. The North, Central, East, and West regions all show modest declines in meeting on the wedding day. Specifically, the percent of marriages in which the couple met on their wedding day fell from 80–90% in the 1970s to 70–80% in the 2000s. The South and Northeast stand out with markedly different trends. The Northeast shows a steep decline in meeting on the wedding day, falling from 59% in the 1970s to 24% in the 2000s. In the South, meeting on the wedding day was stable at around a third of marriages.

In keeping with the regional differences in the kinship systems, consanguineous marriage was rare and stable in most regions, but not the South and West ( Figure 7 ). Across the period, marriages between blood relatives range from 1–6% of all marriages in the North, Central, East, and Northeast regions. By contrast, the South and West had high and declining levels of consanguineous marriage. However, these regional trends mask further heterogeneity at the state level. Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh, Maharshtra, and Goa experienced large declines in consanguineous marriage, but still had much higher levels than the rest of India even in the 2000s. The remaining Southern and Western states, namely Kerala and Gujarat, match the national trends with rare and stable levels of consanguineous marriage.

Intercaste marriage is the only behavior without any clear regional outliers, although the Northeast comes close ( Figure 7 ). The trends, as well as the levels, are similar across regions and dovetail relatively closely with the national trend. At the start of the period, in the 1970s, intercaste marriage varies from a low of 2% in the Central region to a high of 8% in the Northeast. By the 2000s, these levels have only increased to 3% in the Central region and 11% in the Northeast. The Northeast’s relatively high level of intercaste marriage is in keeping with its high level of self-choice marriage. The generally low levels of intercaste marriage are also consistent with low levels of self-choice marriages across regions.

Trends by Urban Residence

Next, we investigate marital trends by urban residence. Both modernization theory and developmental idealism theory suggest that arranged marriage should decline first, or be less common, in urban areas. Modernization theory views arranged marriage as structurally incompatible with urban life, while developmental idealism theory suggests that urban residents encounter and adopt developmental idealism before rural residents.

We divide women into three categories by their place of residence at the time of survey: metro urban (n=3,944), other urban (n=12,372), and rural (n=26,694). Metro urban refers to the six largest metropolitan areas in India, comprising Mumbai, Delhi, Kolkata, Chennai, Bangalore, and Hyderabad. Since place of residence is measured at the time of survey, this categorization does include some error. As noted above in reference to region, marriages of women who changed their place of residence between the time of marriage and the survey are misclassified.

Parents alone choosing husbands uniformly declined for urban and rural residents, but the levels differed substantially ( Figure 8 ). As predicted by theory, parents only choosing husbands was highest among rural residents (53–36%), lowest among metro urban residents (26–14%), and in-between these extremes for other urban residents (44–20%). Further, women and their parents jointly choosing husbands show the inverse pattern. Choosing jointly uniformly rose across all places of residence, but was at a substantially higher level among metro urban and, to a lesser extent, other urban residents. Contrary to expectations, however, both the trends and levels of self-choice marriages did not differ by place of residence. Metro urban, other urban, and rural residents all match the national trend with the percent of marriages in which women alone chose their husbands rising from around 3% in the 1970s to 6–8% in the 2000s.

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Spouse choice by marriage cohort and urban residence

The trends in meeting on the wedding day are broadly similar across places of residence, but there were notable, albeit modest, differences ( Figure 9 ). Across the period, rural residents were slightly more likely to meet their husband on their wedding day, than urban residents. Both rural and other urban residents also show slight declines over time. Meeting on their wedding day declined from 76% to 67% among rural residents, while it declined from 68% to 56% among other urban residents. Metro urban residents were stable with roughly 60% of women from all marital cohorts meeting husbands on their wedding day.

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Length of acquaintanceship, consanguineous marriage, and intercaste marriage by marriage cohort and urban residence

There are also modest differences in trends in consanguineous marriage ( Figure 9 ). Rural residents show the national pattern of a slight decline in consanguineous marriage from 12% to 8%. Urban residents, on the other hand, are stable over time. Other urban residents hold at around 12% for most of the period, but decline slightly in the 2000s. Metro urban residents, show a slight increase in consanguineous marriage, from 8% in the 1970s to 11% in the 1990s and 2000s, but this difference is not statistically significant.

The trends in intercaste marriage are virtually identical across rural and urban residents ( Figure 9 ). Metro urban, other urban, and rural residents all show the national pattern; intercaste marriage remains rare across the period, but does suggest slight increases from 4–5% in the 1970s to 5–7% in the 2000s. These rises are statistically significant for the rural and other urban residents, but not for the smaller metro urban sample.

Trends by Religion/Caste

Finally, we examine trends in marital behaviors by religion/caste. Specifically, we divide women into six groups: Upper Caste Hindus (n=10,344), Other Backward Castes (OBCs) (n=15,429), Dalits (n=9,462), Adivasis (n=3,635), Muslims (n=5,501), and other religions (n=1,639), which are composed largely of Christians, Sikhs, and Jains. The small number of women who are both Adivasi and Christian are placed in the Adivasi category. Adivasis are also known as Scheduled Tribes, while Dalits are also termed Scheduled Castes. Other Backward Castes, as well as Scheduled Tribes and Castes, are officially recognized by the Indian government as socioeconomically disadvantaged groups. We should emphasize that these categories contain multiple castes ( jatis ).

Ethnographic literature suggests that arranged marriage and accompanying practices are followed more closely by higher caste groups ( Grover 2011 ; Saavala 2001 ). Lower caste groups tend to have looser marriage practices, including greater choice among young people and fewer restrictions on women’s sexuality. Ethnographic studies also indicate that Muslims prefer, or are at least less averse towards, marriages among relatives and within villages ( Jeffery and Jeffery 1997 ; Kaur and Palriwala 2014 ).

Before describing trends by religion/caste, it is important to reflect on the extent to which these trends may be driven by an association with regional trends and vice versa. There are notable patterns in the distribution of religion/caste groups across regions. For example, Upper Caste Hindus and other religions are concentrated in the North, the Northeast has a relatively large population of Adivasis, and the South has a relatively large population of Other Backward Castes. For the most part, however, groups are spread across regions and there is not a strong overlap between region and religion/caste. For example, while 39% of Upper Caste Hindus in the sample reside in the North, only 27% of the sample from the North is comprised of Upper Castes. Similarly, while 29% of the sample from the Northeast are Adivasis, only 16% of the Adivasis in the sample reside in the Northeast. In turn, the associations between region and religion/caste are not strong enough for regional trends to markedly affect trends by religion/caste and vice versa. When we adjust for region, the bulk of the estimates for religion/caste differ by only a few hundredths and, at most, they differ by a couple percentage points. The reverse also holds; regional trends are consistent when adjusted for religion/caste.

Overall, the trends in spouse choice are similar across religion/caste groups. Every group shows a steady decline in parents alone choosing husbands and a corresponding rise in parents and daughters jointly choosing husbands ( Figure 10 ). Every group, except other religions, also has a slow and steady rise in self-choice marriages. While change over time is relatively uniform, the levels are also similar. Jointly choosing husbands is not only increasing over time, but is the most common experience for all groups during most of the period. The only exception to this statement is the 1970s cohort for which parents only choosing is nearly as common as joint selection among Muslims and Dalits and parents only choosing is more or equally common among Upper Caste Hindus, Other Backward Castes, and Adivasis. Further, self-choice marriage is a distant third spouse choice category among all groups from the 1970s to the 1990s. In the 2000s, parents alone choosing declined so substantially that it was close to, or even at, the low level of self-choice marriages among Upper Caste Hindus, Advasis, and other religions.

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Spouse choice by marriage cohort and religion/caste

There are still important differences among religion/caste groups however. First, self-choice marriages are more common among Adivasis. Although the other religion category is somewhat of an exception with a high level of self-choice marriages in the 1970s. The other religion group also shows consistently high levels of joint choice and correspondingly lower levels of parents alone choosing spouses. However, the pace of change over time among other religions is comparable to other groups. Upper Caste Hindus also show higher levels of joint choice, but they do not stand out as much as other religions. Thus, in contrast to the ethnographic literature, parents alone choosing husbands is more common among Dalits and Other Backward Castes than it is among Upper Caste Hindus.

The trends in length of acquaintance are also similar among religion/caste groups ( Figure 11 ). For Upper Caste Hindus, Other Backward Castes, Adivasis, and other religions, meeting on the wedding day declined by 10 to 18 percentage points from 59–81% in the 1970s to 46–67% in the 2000s. Muslims and Dalits, on the other hand, are stable over time at just under two-thirds and nearly three-quarters respectively. Overall, the majority of women in all groups report meeting their husbands on their wedding day throughout the period. (The only exception is the other religion group, which dips just below half in the 2000s.)

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Length of acquaintanceship, consanguineous marriage, and intercaste marriage by marriage cohort and religion/caste

Consanguineous marriage has a clear outlier among religious/caste groups ( Figure 11 ). As expected, Muslims have substantially higher levels of consanguineous marriage and experience a steady decline over time. The proportion of Muslim marriages that are consanguineous drops from just over a quarter in the 1970s to 17% by the 2000s. Even in the 2000s though, the level of consanguineous marriage among Muslims is roughly twice that of other groups. There is also notable variation among the other groups. Like Muslims, Dalits and Other Backward Castes show steady declines in consanguineous marriage, but they start and end at much lower levels. Adivasis, Upper Caste Hindus, and the other religions, on the other hand, show low and stable levels of consanguineous marriage.

Intercaste marriage is rare and relatively stable over time among all groups ( Figure 11 ). In the 1970s, intercaste marriage ranges from 2% among Adivasis to 10% among other religious groups. In the 2000s, this range tightened to a low of 5% among Other Backward Castes to a high of 9% among the other religions. The proportion of marriages that are intercaste is significantly higher in the 2000s than it is in the 1970s for Upper Caste Hindus, Dalits, and Adivasis. However, even these statistically significant increases in intercaste marriage are small in size.

Discussion and Conclusion

We motivated this article by noting that the extent of marital change in India, as well as many other countries, is not well established. Theories of family change suggest that arranged marriage should decline in favor of Western marriage practices and previous studies do show such declines in other Asian contexts. In India, ethnographic studies suggest that marital change is afoot, yet other evidence points to little or even no change. Thus, an assessment of the extent and nature of marital change across India is needed. Having completed such an analysis, our answer to the titular question – is arranged marriage declining – is both yes and no.

We conclude that the practice of arranged marriage is shifting, rather than declining. Marriage behaviors did change in predicted directions from the 1970s to the 2000s. Young women became increasingly active in choosing their own husbands, spouses meeting before the wedding day became more common, consanguineous marriage declined, and intercaste marriage rose. However, the size of many of these changes is modest and substantial majorities of recent marriages still show the hallmarks of arranged marriage. Arranged marriage is clearly not headed towards obsolescence any time soon.

Further, the nature of the changes in spouse choice deviates profoundly from the prediction. Rather than displacing their parents, young women joined their parents in working together to choose husbands. While self-choice marriages increased over time, they are still rare, comprising less than a tenth of all marriages in the 2000s. Moreover, even in the 2000s, parents alone choosing husbands for their daughters was more than twice as common as daughters choosing by themselves. Overall, while most parents have lost complete control over marriage, the intergenerational nature of marriage remains intact.

Rather than unilateral movement towards Western practices, these trends point to a hybridization of Western and Indian practices. In India, the colloquial opposite of an arranged marriage is a “love marriage,” which refers to the Western practice of young people choosing their own spouses on the basis of love, attraction, or interpersonal compatibility. We do not have data on the extent to which women felt such emotions prior to marriage, but our results suggest that it is rare and directed along customary lines (cf. De Munck 1996 ; Harkness and Khaled 2014 ). While intercaste marriage is more common among self-choice marriages, still less than a fifth of self-choice marriages are intercaste. Thus, it appears that, like their parents, most women follow the rules of caste endogamy. Even more strikingly, many women who choose by themselves still report meeting their husband on the wedding day or slightly before. Thus, self-arranged or jointly-arranged marriage seem more accurate than the commonly used term “love marriage” when characterizing these marriages.

Many of these national trends held across India. All regions show declines of parental control over spouse choice and, apart from the South, modest increases in spouses meeting prior to marriage. Further, all regions experienced only slight increases or no change at all in intercaste marriage. However, our findings also reinforce the value of going beyond the national level. Trends for the South, as well as the Northeast, depart markedly from some national trends. The South is the only region to experience a substantial decline in consanguineous marriages from previously high levels and the decline of parental control was much more muted. The Northeast stands out as the only region in which self-choice marriages rose to substantial levels. In keeping with high levels of self-choice marriages, intercaste marriage was also more common in the Northeast and, like the South, meeting only on the wedding day was not common as it was elsewhere. Thus, we conclude that regional differences, in particular the well-known North/South regimes and lesser known Northeastern exception, remain important demographic divides. The findings also support Jones’ (2010) identification of North India as the bastion of arranged marriage.

Differences by urban residence were far more muted. Women living in urban areas, in particular those residing in the largest cities, were substantially more likely to choose husbands jointly with their parents. In rural areas, on the other hand, parents were much more likely to choose husbands without their daughters input. However, self-choice marriages were uniformly rare across urban and rural areas. Further, trends in the length of acquaintanceship prior to marriage, consanguineous marriage, and intercaste marriage showed only slight, or even no, differences between rural and urban residents

Variation among religious/caste groups was also less than that found among regions, but there were meaningful departures from national trends. The most striking departure was found for Muslims, who like the South, show a marked decline in consanguineous marriage from previously high levels. Adivasis also stood out; like the Northeast, Adivasis had a comparatively high level and more substantial rise in self-choice marriages. Some expected differences among castes did not materialize however. As noted above, the ethnographic literature suggests that lower castes are less observant of arranged marriage. Apart from the exception of high levels of self-choice marriage among Adivasis, however, Dalits, Adivasis, and Other Backward Castes did not differ substantially and systematically from Upper Castes.

These trends have important implications for global theories of family change, which predict that arranged marriage declines in favor of Western marriage practices. Our results suggest that this prediction was only partially accurate for India. It is likely that marriage will continue to change further in the future, but past trends suggest that marital change in India is at least slower, if not qualitatively different, from other Asian contexts for which we have data. Proponents of modernization theory might suggest that India has experienced less economic change than other contexts. However, the similarities across urban and rural residents suggest that modernization theory will not adequately explain India’s trends. We speculate that developmental idealism theory may fare better. Like other contexts, the values and beliefs of developmental idealism seem to be well-known in India, but their power to change marital behavior may be muted by powerful, counter-vailing values and beliefs. In particular, the incompatibilities of developmental idealism with gendered schemas about marriage for women may be a formidable barrier in India ( Allendorf forthcoming ; Desai and Andrist 2010 ). The power of India’s caste system, and its need for caste endogamy, may be another barrier ( Caldwell et al. 1998 ). These suggestions remain speculative, however. Future research should rigorously examine why India experienced the trends identified here.

Further research is also needed to better establish the extent and nature of marital change within and beyond India. In India itself, future research should examine men’s experiences. While it is highly likely that men have greater choice over their spouses than women, survey data on men’s experiences is needed to test that claim. Data on men is also needed to establish the extent of change in spouse choice among the population as a whole and identify whether men and women’s reports of couple-level behaviors, including consanguineous and intercaste marriage, provide comparable estimates. More importantly, similar studies are needed for other parts of the world. Establishing the extent and nature of marital change across regions and globally depends on having nationally representative data from more than a handful of countries. Luckily, given the centrality of marriage to individuals’ lives, retrospective reports of marriage behavior are likely to be very high quality. Thus, even a single, cross-sectional survey can provide valuable insights by drawing on marriage cohorts.

Acknowledgments

The authors would like to thank Arland Thornton for his helpful comments and Reeve Vanneman for providing access to data from the Indian Human Development Survey.

Change in Marriage Behaviors by Marriage Cohort (N=46,010)

Change in Marriage Behaviors by Birth Cohorts (N=46,010)

Contributor Information

Keera Allendorf, Department of Sociology, Indiana University, 1020 E. Kirkwood Ave Bloomington, IN 47405 (812)855-1540.

Roshan K. Pandian, Department of Sociology, Indiana University.

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Comparison Of Arranged Marriage And Free Choice Marriage

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